This incredibly moving and completely riveting clip was made by Nummies Nursing Bras. It is beautiful (as is the track that accompanies it). And I just loved what these mothers had to say
Send it to every mother you know – or expectant mother, or maybe just every person who ever had a mother…..
[Thanks Kerri]
If you could turn back the clock to before you had kids, what would you have told yourself?
Comments
340 Comments so far
To Know that you mum and Dad are always there for you is something fullfeeling they are the only ones who ubdrstands you and guides you even after death. Many people don’t beleive in LOVE after death but let me tell you exist. I will always love my parents I wish God had never take them away. I found something else who I love as much as them is only You Babe I LOVE YOU
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There must be something wrong with me: I thought this was totally lame. I’m sorry, but I did!
I love parenthood, and I have a fairytale life (with a few yucky bits thrown in to keep me grounded), but I cringed at almost every part of this. Even the song was bad.
Please tell me I’m not alone. I feel like I’ve betrayed someone…
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Agreed Meg!
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Love this and really love the comments. My beautiful boy is 5 months old and we have endured 5 months of incredibly painful breast feeding. It makes me feel so much better to read that other women struggled and moved to formula too. I am trying to convince myself that formula is ok…
So, if I could tell myself something before my baby arrived it would be-
- Breastfeeding is great for babies, but more important is a happy mother
- Giving formula, rather than Breastfeeding, does not mean that I don’t love my son enough. It won’t make him love me less. People won’t judge me as someone who doesn’t love their son if they see a bottle in his mouth. Just because you give up bfing doesn’t mean your son won’t need you I’m trying desperately to believe this…
- It is impossible to imagine how much love, pride and indescribable happiness you will feel when your baby smiles and giggles at you. It gets me every single time!
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I would have told myself:
“It’s ALL worth it.”
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I would say, ” You will be alive and so will your baby and you will be blessed with another!”
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Enjoy the pregnancy, forget the anxiety and the nightmares and try really hard to believe the doctors that told you your baby was healthy. Don’t go for the late term ultrasound that told you he was going to die and that he should have never made it that far along. When he arrives not breathing keep him in your room overnight, it’s not weird to have him spend one night with you, it would have been the only night you could have had with him. Forgive yourself, don’t hate yourself, it’s not your fault.
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*Hugs*
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Thanks for making me weepy at work on a Monday morning
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Wow. This made me teary.
Love the song.
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I had to work due to financial commitments. My first daughter was an absolute surprise but an awesome addition. I was young, which many look down apon, but I had a full time job and a house. In my spare time I would try to see my mum as much as possible and spend time with my daughter and fiance. My son came just under 4 years later. My mum had passed away 2 months before my wedding day and never got to see my son. I would always worry about how the house looked, what people said, how they thought I was doing as a mother, etc, but you know what…… i have now learnt it doesn’t matter what other people say. They are still going to judge you no matter what you do. So long as you and your kids have food, shelter and LOVE nothing else matters. Take the phone off the hook, have a sleep or a bath. If you put the kids in your bed to sleep, it’s not a sin, I can bet you will have sleep. Any sleep is better then none!! If you can’t fit, buy a king bed. The washing /ironing will be there tomoz. Spending quality time with the ones you love is more important, especially when you don’t know how long you will have with them.
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I have 5 kids aged 1-8. The first three are biological and the last (definitely last!) two are adopted. I wish I could raise the first like the last, much more relaxed! The two little boys we adopted were born addicted to multiple drugs including heroin and have been slower to do things but are going so well. My advice is not to worry too much about how you might scar your kids during your bad moments/days/weeks/months etc… Try to make up for it during your good moments. Cereal for dinner is fine, at least it’s not heroin. Cuddles and “I love you’s” can make up for yelling. Advice from others can be good but can be not so good too. You will learn to work that out. You will get a chance to start over tomorrow, but try to finish the day with an “I love you”. When you have an urge to lock them in a cupboard indefinitely or sell them, think of the women (and men) who would give anything to have a baby driving them insane but can’t or don’t anymore. No matter how many mistakes you make, there will almost certainly be someone else making more. When it’s really bad, grab a glass of wine and/or some chocolate and lock yourself away. Everything will be ok.
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I would say ‘join a mother’s group’. I know not everyone has a great experience of mother’s groups, but mine has been amazing. Three years after the births of our first children, we’ve only lost two members (one who returned to full-time work, and one who moved back overseas), but the other six of us still meet up every week, and have become great friends, as have our children. Three of us have recently had a second child, and there is one more due any day now…
I feel so blessed every time I meet up with this group of women, as we have been on such an important journey together and have been able to help and support each other along the way. Between us, we’ve been through infertility treatment, miscarriages, stilbirths, traumatic birth experiences, breastfeeding problems, chronic sleep deprivation and post natal depression, but we have also shared so many amazing milestones together as we watch our children grow and develop.
Even though I have many other friends with children, there’s something so wonderful about having a group of women around you whose children are exactly the same age and who are experiencing the challenges and rewards of parenthood at the same time (one little girl in my mother’s group was born in the birth suite next door to mine, only two hours before my son was born, and we heard each other in labour before we even met! Coincidentally, I named my son Luca and my friend named her daughter Lucinda!).
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Siobhan – Just read your comment and had to comment. My mother joined a mother’s group back in 1984 when I was only a few months old. One woman left but the rest of those women are STILL friends 28 years later and my mother speaks to them all the time. It used to be bonding over nappies, now they are talking about their own children’s weddings as we are coming up to the age that our mother’s were when they met all those years ago!
I don’t have any children but if I ever have them I will definitely join a mother’s group thanks to my own mother’s good experience. I’m glad you also had a positive experience
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Wow – thanks Anna! Reading that gave me goosebumps! That’s amazing that your mum is still friends with all the women from her mother’s group, and I so hope that will be the case with me and my mother’s group friends. Thanks for sharing your mum’s story!
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I would have told my self… some times it is better to be a loving but “just good enough” parent that a trying to be perfect one.
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This mothering journey will be tough but you will survive it and the kids will turn out great. Remember it is one chapter of your life not the whole story. When you are drowning from Wiggles overload, sleep deprivation and the imposssibilty of reasoning with a 2year old thinking you will never hold another adult conversation or get to go back to work…it will be ok …they grow up, you find a boss willing to employ you and you will get to enjoy the funny, clever , loving young ladies they grow up to be.
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anyone know the name of the song?
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I didn’t take to much notice of the song name, but it did show it at the end of the clip.
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Days Away by InAshton
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They won’t go off to high school with a dummy or a nappy or not knowing how to talk or walk…just relax!
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My first child was born 20 years ago my 2nd 18 and my third 15 all daughters I remember and feel the axiousness , sleeplessness and being over overwelm . Looking at my three daughters those feeling sort of still stay with you . Are they O K will they make right choises and most of all did i do the right thing . We can only do the very best we can and with the love in our hearts you cant go wrong hug your children no mater how big they get
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I would have told myself not to vaccinate your child.
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can i ask why? am conflicted with this issue? thanks
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Ah crap, I’m pregnant and weepy. I’m finding that I’m far more emotional the second time round cause I know what’s coming!
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Loved it. I haven’t seen this before.
I would have told myself –
You may encounter problems with breastfeeding, it may take time to establish
The first days/weeks may not be as rosy as the Huggies (any baby product) advertisements on TV
The smiles and cuddles will take your breath away.
I agree with – watching your children sleep, watching for their breathing when they are sick, worrying about their future, feeling the most incredible love, appreciating what your mother did for you (esp at those times when the father didn’t help out as much as many fathers do now)
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Love this!
As a mum of a 12 month old I wished that someone had told me how hard breastfeeding could be, we eventually got the hang of it. I also struggled with losing my identity when Gus was first born and I still sometimes wonder who I am but I now know that you do get a lot of the old you back eventually.
Also there’s the love. The overwhelming, heart wrenching love you feel. I never expected it to envelope me so strongly. I lie awake some nights terrified of losing him. I know, totally irrational! I blame the hormones!
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So so true Erin, losing ourselves after having a child is such a shock to the system and I have heard som many women say that they do not even like the person that they are now and that they understand why their husbands are missing their wives… it is really hard but it is lovely when you start to feel like a different but happy version of your old self.
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I would have told myself “get a dog instead, so much easier than raising a child”.lol.
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I wish I had the chance to prepare myself for the bond you feel with other mums: human or otherwise. I simple can’t bare cruelty of any kind anymore because I know that whoever or whatever is suffering has a mum who loves them as much as I love my girls.
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Lovely clip!
I would of told myself ;
Have patience with yourself, your baby & your husband. Every stage has it’s challenges and it is important to let your love guide you in your decisions about your family, not someones elses’ opinion.
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Mine would be: don’t wish their childhood away. Something I only really learned the 4th time. Before that I was always thinking about how much easier it would be once they walked, talked, toilet trained, went to school etc…
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I am sitting here with my beautiful two year old daughter and thinking about my second daughter who was stillborn a few weeks ago. If I could have told myself anything in those wonderful safe days before I knew she had died I would have told myself to just hang on as I can endure more than I ever thought possible. I am thankful today that I can hug one daughter close.
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Thinking of you today and both your beautiful daughters ……a tough day for so many. Xxxxx
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thankyou Mia x
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My heart is bleeding for you. So sorry..
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What a wonderful clip.
My tips to myself:
- Let your mother in law help. She is dying to, and this is a really big deal for her too.
- Don’t be worried that you’ll look silly if you ring the parent helplines. They REALLY are there to help you and can be a great source of support.
- Don’t become a martyr. No-one likes one and it’s boring.
- Go along to mothers group. It may not work out, in which case you’ve lost an hour or two of your time. But it may be great, in which case you make some wonderful friends.
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Great Idea. My Mothers Group is just celebrating 9 years. Seven families now adding up to 14 children (12 boys), couldn’t have survived without them. Can’t think of 6 women I admire more.
P.S The Dads all get along too.
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I was wondering why we have to debate whether we think working or not working is better or worse. Why as Mums and Women can’t we all respect and support each other because we don’t all think the same the world would be a boring place if we did.
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“he is going to get sick and you will sit up all night watching him breath” this one for sure, it’s terrifying watching your first child struggle to breath even on oxygen
spent 7 days straight sitting up for as long as I could, slept in my glasses so I could open my eyes when I was asleep and check the monitors, ignored the nurses advice to go have a coffee.
lovely video
xx
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funny, they ALL have exactly the SAME handwriting!!! coincidence?
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Maybe the crew wrote down what the obviously different people wanted to put down so that it could be seen clearly??
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i would tell myself to have the damn epidural, turns out there are no prizes for martyrs
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“Turns out there are no prizes for martyrs”
LOVE This, and it could be applied to so much of motherhood.
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Oh wow I am 12 weeks pregnant and now blubbing at my desk! I am terrified and will now remember to just ‘breathe’.
Thanks Mia!
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Hypnobirthing! I was terrified of childbirth at the start of pregnancy but when it came to the crunch I did it without any pain relief – you can too! xxx
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i agree- I went to Calmbirth because I was scared of the birth, and I now think back on my birthing experience as one of the best of my life- and it mustn’t have been too bad because I am also 12 weeks pregnant (and my first born is only 12 months old- gulp)! Go July babies! Good luck and you’ll be fine. Just breathe
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Hi Jo. I’m hoping we’ll have a good year too. So far it dnieeftily looks set to go that way I’ve had a fabulous first two days with these children. So good I don’t really want to be out of the classroom for my Coordinator day on Thursday! Looking forward to catching up soon.
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Grace, you will hear alot of negative stories from well meaning people about how your life is about to be ‘over’. As a mother of a 5 month old, I feared the worst but wow – what an amazing treat being a mum is. I hope you too enjoy the journey; it is the most incredible, fun, heart tugging experience on earth. You are in for a treat Grace – breathe but be excited….very excited:)
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Thanks Mia for re-posting this loved it the first time round loved watching again:)
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bugger, now I’m sobbing into my tea. I’ve seen this before but but it still tugs at the heart strings. Doesn’t help that I’m less than 3 weeks away from bubba no.2 arriving and I am having a freakout about how to cope with a newborn and a toddler. I am so scared I can’t do it!
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I’m 7 weeks in to the same situation, and it’s better than I thought…I was terrified too!! Terrified my toddler daughter would scream every time I touched her new sister, terrified I wouldn’t be able to breastfeed without her having several meltdowns, terrified that I wouldn’t get any sleep at all, but I’m happy to say it’s much MUCH better than that!!
I have fantastic support from my hubby (he’s still off work – so talk to me in a couple of weeks when he goes back!!), and that’s what I’d try and do, line up any family or friends you can to help amuse your toddler, record some fabulous shows for her to watch while you’re feeding, pay your toddler heaps of attention still, if only verbally, tell them you love them every day and that they’re doing a wonderful job of being a big sister/brother, don’t expect them to fall in love with the bubba straight away, try to explain things to the toddler, they understand SO much more than you think (mine turned two a week after bub 2 was born), and try and enjoy it!
You will be SOOOO less anxious than with the first bub, the actual baby is really easy, it’s just the juggle that can be tiring.
Good luck, it’s a beautiful thing, especially when the kisses for their little sibling turn from being just something they do to actual genuine love! hugs to you xo
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Thanks for that. I think I’m most worried about the sleep. Miss C had terrible reflux and screamed all the time and I don’t know how I could manage that again.
Glad to hear that things are going well for you
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My first daughter was 16 months old when my second was born. Honestly, we all just fell into a routine pretty quickly.
I think your first child is such a shock to the system, having to respond to their every need. But with the second, you are used to the sacrifice and also much more relaxed. I guess your parenting skills are more developed!
My girls are now nearly 5 and 3 1/2 and they keep each other company, share toys and clothes (or at least fight about them)!
Good luck with number 2.
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Oh wow, thanks for the comment, that was so long ago after I first wrote that comment.
Master A is 9 months today. And yep, I did find it harder than I expected. But not so much the newborn, handling the toddler. Nobody warned me how much harder the toddler would be. I think it is only in the last few weeks that we have started to handle her behaviour a bit better and feel more in control. But I did feel so much more relaxed about how to handle the baby, and he really felt so easy.
It is delightful now to watch the two of them start to play together. He adores her and they chase each other around the house. I can’t wait till he is a bit older and they really can play (although slow down time, I don’t want to miss any moments!).
Have a wonderful christmas
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Wonderful. Loved this.
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A nurse at the local baby clinic told me this one: If you don’t look after yourself, you can’t look after your kids.
In other words, don’t feel guilty if you take time out for yourself to relax or for some “me” time.
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This made me laugh, cry and nod in agreement. Wonderful!
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I would say this to myself:
Trust yourself. Your daughter will survive no matter what you do, or don’t do. Be kind on yourself. Don’t give yourself a hard time. Relax and enjoy!
And probably a whole pile of other things – can’t think of them all just now. Deep breaths, yes, deep breaths, I’d add that!
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I would simply like to say
” It will never be easy , but it will always be worth it “
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This had me in tears and I cant work out why – Thanks Mia – it’s beautiful! We are 11 weeks away from our second child (with a 16 month old livewire) – just what I needed! xx
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That is beautiful and made me cry. The timing is perfect.
I just got a phone call to let me know I got a job I applied for – I am completely stunned and excited. The catch is that I can only have it if I do more hours, an extra day per week.
Already there are not enough hours in the day, or days in the week. What will I have to give up to be able to keep on top of kids stuff, housework, family time, hubby time, friends time…and all the rest.
Do I need to be more organised, or more relaxed? Feeling overwhelmed. The beautiful messages in this video are telling me to give myself a break – I won’t be perfect, but that is ok.
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Loved this and hadn’t seen it before. If I could go back in time I’d tell myself;
You don’t have to follow the thousands of different advice you’ll get from all the “seasoned” mothers out there. Trust your own instincts and do what works for you and your baby.
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Totally agree, love the woman with the sign “YOU are the expert”
I am only 1mth & 3 days into motherhood but luckily worked this out the day I came home from the hospital and was finally able follow my own insticts!
As a said to my hubby within minutes of walking in the door….in hospital I felt like a student….now I feel like a Mum!
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‘You will miss your mum’ broke me. My mum passed away 5 years before my first child – a daughter – was born. I knew it would be tough without her there (all milestones and a lot of regular days are) but still couldn’t have realised just how much I would miss her.
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Absolutely CB. My mum passed away just over three years ago and my little one is now 7 months. I feel as though I am grieving all over again.
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I lost my mum 11 years before having my daughter and when I saw that I broke down too. I don’t just miss her help, I feel like I understand her better now and I want to thank her, but I can’t. She would have loved being a Grandma.
I do feel however I am a better Mother because of who she was so even though my daughter never gets to meet her, she gets a little part of her everyday.
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Me too. Lost my Mum last year, a week before my son’s 3rd birthday (who she absolutely adored). I am now pregnant with number 2 – a girl – my Mum’s only grand-daughter – who she would have cherished but will never get to meet. After my husband and I, no-one has loved my son more than my Mum and it saddens me that my daughter will never experience that.
Big hugs to all of us mums without mums XO
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My dad passed away when I was 5 months pregnant with my son and he was everything like a mum would do for their daughters when I was pregnant with my last two. The most amazing thing is 3 days before he passed he told me I would have a boy and not a week after his funeral I found out I was having boy.
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That broke me too. I had a brain haemorrhage 5 days after my daughter was born and my Mum passed away suddenly and unexpectedly from a brain anneurism 3 weeks later. I am the same, I didn’t realise how much I would miss my Mum.
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Magical – had missed this first time around on MM – sending it to my pregnant friend right now!
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In my job, we run new parent groups where we have guest speakers. One of our psychologists one time told a group that there is a phenomenon such as “good enough parenting” whereby if you “get it right” at least about 30% of the time your kids will be ok, so there’s no need to strive for perfection. That was one of the most useful things I’ve heard, both personally and as a professional.
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My personal opinions about being a “perfect” mum:
1. of course, forget it, nobody’s perfect and even if I was, i may just put pressure on my child to be perfect too; and
2. Stop…and actually enjoy my children. I won’t get that time back; and
3. Let my children think for themselves sometimes, I feel that there’s too much controlling these days which may stunt their mental and emotional development.
Kids don’t seem to be allowed to do anything by themselves anymore. i grew up in a very strict family – sure i was safe and sound, but when i grew up i was useless and completely lacking confidence.
There’s a psychological term “dignity of risk” – you know when you try something a little scary and you succeed – how good you feel afterwards – even if it’s something like a new recipe. it is confidence building.
of course take care, but i get a quiet buzz out of seeing my kids feel proud when they achieve things on their own.
But the biggest surprise of motherhood for me was that there needs to be a new word invented, because ‘LOVE’ doesn’t quite cover it.
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The time when toddlers are at your feet is the best time of your life and you won’t know it until you are looking back on it.
Your hard work will reward you ten fold! It gets more rewarding the older they get.
Teach them everything you want them to know about life and the world before they are 12 because they won’t hear you after that.
Enjoy the affection until they are 12 because it slowly shrivels after that.
Be ready for them to push hard on the boundaries when they are teens and watch with amazement when they respond with softness when you dig deep to firmly resist the push sometimes. They love knowing you are in charge.
Stop cleaning and tidying and just enjoy them because they won’t want to play with you one day soon.
Hold on for the best and fastest ride of your life and know that other mothers are feeling what you are feeling even if they don’t want to show it.
And finally, Karitane is not for failures, it’s for people that want to be good at the hardest job in the world.
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The days are long but the weeks and months go scarily fast.
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I read this somewhere recently and it has sustained me on the rough days every since. Gold!
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So true! This too shall pass sticks around me, I use it a lot. I also like ‘Breathe’ – didn’t do that enough, my son is nearly 3 and looking back on thay first year i was a wreck. I also like Sleep now!
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