Monty Dimond Tuesday 11 December 2012 10:30am

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Monty Dimond and the hilarious questions kids ask.

By MONTY DIMOND

There is nothing better than seeing the look on a mini human’s face when they’re trying to figure out how the world works.

Sometimes their curiosity leads to the most adorable but often curly questions. As the grown ups, it rests on our shoulders to fill in the blanks for them and yet sometimes there just doesn’t seem to be an answer fit for such fabulous questions.

Although I am thoroughly enjoying my one year old’s vocabulary which consists of “da” and “woof”, I can’t wait for him to start asking me questions like the ones below.

Isaac, age 4: “What does Santa smell like?”

This was asked to my friend Abbie who is Isaac’s Nanny. She promptly turned it back on him and asked what he thought. His reply, “I think he would smell like a mixture of strawberries and magic”. I could wrap Issac in some prosciutto and eat him whole for his heavenly question and response. Strawberries and magic are a far more superior scent than booze and BO, which I’m sure many shopping centre Santa’s ooze of.

Another question Issac pondered the other day was “Are there dinosaurs in heaven?”.

Abbie’s response was, “anything you could ever want is in heaven”. This obviously excited the bejesus out of him. If this was the truth, my heaven would be full to the brim of Cadbury creations chocolates (the popping candy type), never ending episodes of the Beverly Hills Housewives and Ben Affleck topless serving me cold pineapple juice.

Remember the Great Wall Of China? Rabbits.

Hugo, age 6: “Was everything in black and white in the olden days?”

This question made Hugo’s Dads day. And why wouldn’t it. What a clever thing to ponder. If olden day telly is anything to go by the simple answer to that is yes. As far as Hugo (and I) know the world changed from black and white to colour in 1953. I am yet to see any proof that colour was around before that date. My Grandparents inform me that the world has always been full of colour. (I call bullshit)

Noah, age 5: “How old will Jesus turn this year? Will he have candles on his cake? Will we be invited to his party?”

These questions popped into little Noah’s head after his mum tried to explain what Christmas is all about. His favorite toy (a stuffed goat) has now been renamed ‘Baby Jesus’ and sleeps with Noah every night. Wonder if I’ll get an invite to the J mans party? I bet he would throw a wicked bash.

Thomas, age 4: “Where does the light go when you turn it off?”

Ummmmmmm. Next question.

My favorite thing about these questions is that they don’t come with the ‘inappropriate to ask that right now’ filter. If something pops into a little mind one second it will be blurted out the next. One thing kids are always curious about is people that look different to them. Like Joel was.

Joel, age 5: Where did you get your Smurf hat from? (Question directed at a man wearing a turban)

This happened in the supermarket the other day when my friend was shopping with her nephew. Joel politely asked with honest curiosity. He clearly wanted to get his mitts on his own smurf hat, and why wouldn’t he. Everyone loves a Smurf.

Katie “Monty” Dimond is a broadcaster and media personality. She has appeared on Channel Ten, Channel Nine, and Nova FM. She is currently busy being a full time Mum to her one year old son and will feature in a new ABC comedy series with Merrick Watts coming soon.

What hilarious questions have you heard kids ask? What things did you ask your parents when you were growing up?