by NICOLE MCINNES
As I prepare to return to the workforce after 15 months of looking after my two boys I am torn in two. One side of me is terrified of the potential negative affects that my absence will bring, the other is excited to be going back out in to the world and dealing with adults every day. A third side is the constant guilt that seems to sit in the pit of my stomach whatever I do.
My guilt is mainly based on the conundrum most Mums face at one time or another that is, “Are working Mums sub-standard to stay-at-home ones?” Society seems to be split down the middle on this, and each side passionately highlights the pros of their view. For me despite Motherhood being the most rewarding, fascinating and important work I have done to date, I need to maintain a sense of purpose outside of being a Mum and housewife. I also need a break from the relentless intensity of Motherhood. But does that mean I am being selfish and shirking my primary responsibility to my children?
And then a thought occurred to me, maybe I am thinking about this the wrong way. Surely who you are, rather than how much time you spend, has so much more influence on how your children develop? When you hear about children who are traumatised it is rarely because of a Mother working, and more likely to be based on the mental health, or lack thereof, of their parents. I can’t help but think that all this focus placed on whether Mothers who go to work should never have had children, would be better placed on ensuring the stability of all Mothers.
Having grown up under the care of a lovely but very anxious stay-at-home Mother, I believe the greatest gift you can give your children is your own security. The saying goes “Happy Mum=Happy Child”, but I think ‘happy’ may be too glib. Happiness for me is just a symptom of something altogether more profound and that is an inherent belief in and acceptance of self.
That means when you look at your true self, you know the flawed one you hide under the surface, you don’t cringe or feel anxious. Instead you feel love, you understand and accept. Actually you just like yourself. Sounds simple, but for me, self-loathing comes a lot more easily, and a Mother who can’t look after herself emotionally, will struggle to properly care for others too.
In my view you can stay at home and give up everything for them but if you don’t like yourself you may not be doing them the big favour that you think you are. Equally going to work maybe the thing that stresses you out and makes you doubt yourself. Whatever the reason, if your stability is compromised this may have a much greater negative affect on your children, than whether you spend 100 or 60 hours with them a week.
So for me I am trying something that makes me feel more secure and content, if it doesn’t or it looks as though my boys aren’t thriving in their new routine, I will try something else. All I know is with my housewife hangups, working out in the world is the healthiest option for my sense of self and therefore despite what others may think, it is also the best thing for my beautiful boys and the confident, understanding and respectful future I dream of for them.
Nicole is an ex-award-winning Advertising Creative turned Corporate Marketer. You can find her blog here and follow her tweets here.
This might help with the guilts: a study of more than 5000 children over a period of 8 years, has found that there is no long term negative impact on children who were in care earlier or for longer.
iVillage.com.au reports that:
Researchers also say kids who are put in childcare between the ages of two and four tend to perform better at school.
Based on thousands of children tracked in the Longitudinal Study of Australian Children, the study examined how the children got on with the other children and with childcare workers in the centre, the level of problem behaviours they exhibited, and how much they appeared to enjoy what they were doing during the day amongst other things. The findings were based on reports by teachers and parents.
A significant difference between the groups was apparent on only one measure – boys! Boys who had been in a combination of centre-based and home care as babies tended to have more conflicts with childcare workers.
Have you got kids in child care? Do you ever feel like Nicole did? Were you surprised by the findings of this new study?
Comments
205 Comments so far
This is a great post. I’m at home with my kids because I know I would be stressed out if I worked & think it’s great that you’ve also highlighted that if it was the opposite I might be better off working. My mum was a full-time worker & that affected my choice yet I was interested to read that your Mum shaped your choice. Who knows what my kids will choose based on mine!
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I think these days mums worry so much about what is the best thing for their children. We are under so much pressure to do the right thing by our children, to do the right thing by what society thinks an do the right thing for us as mums plus then there is the additional pressure of finances. I don’t judge any mum on their choices cause t the end of the day, most mums are doing the best they can under their circumstances.
I recently wrote a blog about this. Here it is
http://wp.me/p2Mk9u-3u .
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I think this article has hit the nail on the head. I completed my degree, having given birth half way through, returning for the last few months when my child was 10 months old. The study went fine, and I and my child thrived.
Then I attempted the optional internship to upgrade from a Bachelors to a Masters. The workload was ridiculous, and could not be completed by someone racing off to child care by 5pm and putting their child first in the evenings. Something had to give, so I quit the internship. In both returning to study, and dropping it when I did, I did the best thing I could, to be the best mother I could – and my own mental stability is a huge part of that!
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Why has raising a family become a second rate endeavour? I cannot fathom how a woman can pop a baby out and then return to work because they want something more out of life than just being a mother.
Isn’t raising a family/child one of, if not, THE most important thing one does? Do any of you, who feel an urge to put youe career before child rearing, stop to think about what sort of person your child will become, when you (or the father) are not the primary people raising your child?
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I “popped a baby out” and have gone back to uni full time, so we use day care. I can fathom it because I can get subsidies to help with childcare and study so that I can support myself and my daughter in the future. Is that OK with you, Halle?
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Well, if your chld turns out to be a criminal no-hoper because they missed out on nurturing because you were too busy studying during the formative years that are proven to be oh so important, who are you going to blame then?
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How does she miss out on nurturing? What would you suggest I do? Stay at home climbing the walls on the single parent pension until you deem her old enough to go to school/daycare and then go to uni or take some crappy job so we only ever just scrape by?
Please tell me. I’d really love to know. Thanks in advance.
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I’m with you Kris2040. I went to uni after having my son and he was the reason I chose to go on to study after having him so young. I now have a bachelor in journalism and have a career in the media. I don’t have to rely on tax payers money i.e Centrelink to provide for my child. He receives all the attention, love, nurturing and care any mother could ever give him. I also have taught him the value of setting yourself goals in life and being able to achieve them even when times are tough.
Also, not all woman have the pleasure of sitting at home every day playing, cuddling and ‘nurturing’ their child because they have to work to put a roof over their child’s head, a meal on the table and clothes on their child’s body.
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Awesome, kab!
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I can remeber my mum got the same kind of abuse when we were kids from her mum. My grandmother said we’d all trun into drug users. Well, guess what none of us have. I hope that my daughter looks at me as a role model, values her intelligence and education and goes on to find a career/job that is of value in the community and she finds rewarding. I hope that when/if she has children she can find a balance between work and home life. I absolutely think of her future and sitting at home on welfare is not the sort of role model I will ever be. People like you are just judgemental and cruel and why I didn’t join a mother’s group. Sanctimonious people drive me nuts. How disappointed when my child turns out just as normal as yours.
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I’m a single mum providing for my son. Still want to have a go? Everyone is free to make choices about their lives and I am my sona primary caree, not the child care worker. When are mothers going to stop judging other mothers, how about supporting each other instead!!
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I think Halle is referring to women who go back to work by choice. Not mothers who have to work because they are single moms or need to work to pay the bills.
I do not judge women who choose to go back to work (when they are financially able to stay at home), but I cannot figure them out. Personally, on a scale of 1 to 10 of importance, my job rates 2 and my son rates 15+. I work 3-4 times/month, but only out of necessity to make the bills and have a bit of savings. But if I was free to choose, I would definately stay at home.
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I can’t fathom how ANY women could ‘pop out a baby’. This terminolgy is only ever directed at mums who go back to work. Do SAH mums ‘pop out babies’? I’m pretty sure that I gave birth in much the same manner as many other mums. Just another way that SAH mum like to elevate themselves above working mums. What’s the world like up there from your pedestal?
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I feel terrible when I leave my 17-month-old son to go to work, but we have to pay the bills somehow. I’ve even started requesting to do the 1am shifts so I don’t miss anything. And my mum flies interstate to look after her grandson every week. I never thought I’d be in this situation. I always thought by the time I had kids I’d be able to work a couple of hours a day, because of what I’d achieved earlier in my media career. I got offered this job when I’d already shelved all my hopes and dreams and quit my job to be a mum. It was my husband and parents who told me I’d forever regret never giving my career a shot in the big time. And while I love my new job, living in a new city, trying to make friends for myself and my family, finding child care, and working in an environment where I’m the only married 30-year-old mother, I constantly question whether I’m doing the right thing. But even though I’m exhausted all the time, I get to spend quality time with my son. I take him for a walk to the park every day, do the grocery shopping, laundry and cooking with him, play with him, and bath him, while advancing my career, and paying the bills – and when my son grows up he can be proud of his mum who loves him (and his dad) unconditionally, has excelled in her career, has provided everything he needs, and taught him excellent time management skills. Now if I could only fit in another baby.
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It sounds like you are doing your best, and your son is happy, safe and loved.
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“Are working Mums sub-standard to stay-at-home ones?” Society seems to be split down the middle on this, and each side passionately highlights the pros of their view.”
Everything is not black and white.
I find this post and some of the comments elicited depressing.
No child or family is the SAME. We are all DIFFERENT. So, just as school teachers write lesson plans to engage a variety of different learners. Parents need to make informed choices and decisions based on what is best for their children and their family. Not anybody else’s.
Ladies you are the experts on what is best for you and your family. Don’t worry about what anyone else thinks!
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Kids need a SAH parent. Outsourcing childcare is irresponsible.
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So much easier to outsource babies, isnt it easier to be at work than look after our babies….
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So putting them in childcare is more irresponsible than not having enough money to put a stable roof over their heads or food in the mouths or clothes on their back? What a ridiculous comment. As parents, surely for the most part, we all do what we have to do to make sure our kids are OK. Get off your high horse and realise that all families have different needs and that we all do what works for our own circumstances.
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“I need to maintain a sense of purpose outside of being a Mum and housewife” – but, why? There is purpose in being a mother, isn’t there?
“I also need a break from the relentless intensity of Motherhood” – don’t we all.
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My post is not about going back to work or not, but something closely related.
What I have always wondered is about how plenty of people have organised a care where every single week, on a regular day, a grandparent is called on to do the childcare. I have heard this from so many people, and it just strikes me as grossly unfair on the grandparent. I have spoken to my own parents after they have looked after my sisters kids for a day and I know how much it knocked them around. It is also a day where they can’t do as they like, which I feel they have earned at this stage in their life.
I will admit to a certain amount of jealousy influencing my opinion of this practice as what inevitably would happen is that this childcare took so much out of my own parents that we wouldn’t get to see them as they were too tired, and too busy on the days that they weren’t looking after my sisters children so my own children would suffer and not get to see them. They just wouldn’t seem to realise that they were never seeing my own, as in their mind they probably felt they saw the grandkids all the time (without realising it was only one set of grandkids they ever saw).
I know that most grandparents feel unable to say no, because they are thinking of what it means to their grandchildren if they don’t say yes. I just don’t think it is fair for them to be put upon like that in the first place.
Am I looking at this wrong? I know people will likely say that it enables them to have a fantastic relationship with their grandparents, but I would think that surprise visits to them, weekend trips and another assortment of visits where it fits in with the grandparents plans too would be just as good? Surely the kids would appreciate the grandparents more too if seeing them was a special treat, not a regular place they ‘have’ to go to?
Why do people do this? Grandparents have earned the right after looking after their own children to not need to look after their children’s children too.
Sorry, but I’m feeling a bit rant-ish today and am just struck by how over and over people (not just posters in this post, but in other related posts, and also in ‘real life’) talk about how the grandparents are doing childcare rather than childcarers like it is the better alternative. In some ways it is, but in others it is just really unfair on everyone but the parent who is getting the best of all worlds.
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I think alot of grandparents willing help out with their grandchildren. They want to be involved, they want to help their children with childcare, they want to spend time with their grandchildren.
I think the problem is when grandparents are taken for granted. When grandparents are not asked if they are available to look after their grandkids but it is just assumed that they are family and they should.
We had a lovely grandmother in our playgroup who was “on call” for her 3 grandchildren constantly. She loved her grandchildren but she had part-time job and a life but her own children did not respect that.
She was required to look after her grandkids at a drop of a hat, no notice given, often for a full weekend, this was on top of looking after most of them during for the week as well.
I think Guest;s post is a timely reminder that we as parents should respect our parents as caregivers of our own children. We should ask them first and remember that they have lives as well.
Not everyone has parents around to help out, some may have passed, some may not live nearby, some may not be interested.
But if you are lucky enough to have your parents involved in your children’s care – appreciate them and thank them, often.
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Great comment Lozzie.
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I agree, I had a friend who had 3 kids under 5. She had her mother unlaw taking care of the little ones, 4 days a week whilst she worked. The mother inlaw also dropped and picked up the eldest from kinder 3 hours 2x per week. My friend told me it was easier for her to be at work than look after her babies. Selfishly she didn’t think if it was hard for her at 36 how the hell did she think the mother unlaw at 60 was coping. I ceased this friendship . Such a selfish person and mother.
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My mother looks after my son one day a week. She would be insulted if I put my son in childcare as opposed to relying on her to look after him. She is a retired teacher and loves kids and loves having a day with my son. If grandparents are willing carers, then it is my view that is preferable to childcare. The child is cared for by family that love them. It seems that you can’t fathom that grandparents would be willing carers but many I know absolutely love taking care of their grandchildren and wouldn’t want to spend their time any other way.
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Yes but would you exhaust her 4 days a week because you like being at work as it is easier. I hope not. That is wrong.
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My mum looks after my daughter one day a week and I think she really enjoys it (she offered in the first place rather than me asking). Certainly my daughter likes going to her grandmother’s place a lot better than ordinary childcare. Its not that my mum spoils her when she’s look after my daughter (she doesn’t) but that my duaghter gets the one on one attention and flexibility and choice that she simply doesn’t get (or is fair to expect) at childcare.
I think for a lot of grandparents who are in good health one regular day a week would not be onerous. They get to see their grandchildren on a regular basis rather than just on special occasions. And they get to form a really a good relationship with them, something that is much harder to do if they only see them at family get togethers where their time and attention, and the child’s, is spread amongst many people.
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My mum drives 150km every week to visit me and help out with my two children. She stays overnight and then looks after my niece the following day. She’s 69. I Have stressed to her that she doesn’t have to come every week, and that my brother and I are more than happy for her to enjoy “her life”.My mum’s response is always the same. ‘My grandchildren are part of my life. Nothing makes me happier than seeing my children and grandchildren. I would be devastated if u said not to come anymore.”. So in our case, my mother sees her role as a grandparent as a source of joy in her life, not something that is unfair.
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Your mum is a gem.
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MM I know that the purpose of this website is to get conversation flowing but in the short 23 months i have been a mum, this topic is already boring and overdone. The amount of nastiness and turning on our fellow parents this topic brings out is horrible! Didn’t our parents all used to say ‘different strokes for different folks!’ Let’s try to support the hard decisions being a parent forces us to make and lead by example for our kids…
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I completely agree! I can’t believe how quick everyone here is to judge and have a go at other mums and their parenting decisions. I am all fOr doing what works fOr my family and being supportive of all my friends who have kids and respecting how we all do it differently. It would be nice to see a bit of that on here!
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To work or not to work, lets pile some more guilt onto working mums.
What about the other side of the coin. My husband went part time to have a day with the babues and the first thing he got asked when he requested it was – Is your wife struggling or not coping? From a 30 year old parent of 3. It is not only mothers who feel the wrath of these debates, fathers who choose to be more hands on also face the attitudes displayed by the trolls evident in the comments here also.
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I would love to be facing this quandary …. And I did a few years ago until Miss 2 was born. We moved cities and now I can’t find work! We financially need me to work,;mentally I need to work; but my husband works away ALOT so logistically it is near on impossible to juggle on my own with 12, 9 and 2 year olds and their respective needs and demands! I know I am a ‘happier’ mum if I work 2 or 3 days a week … I just can’t find a job where I can have best of both worlds
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I feel sad for the mums and dads that dont get to ‘choose’ to go back to work but are simply forced to so they can get by… bugger off all you judgy judgy people, everyone has their own family’s best interests at heart and they dont need your two cents.
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I love this comment. I’m one of the people who has to go to work in order to keep the family afloat (I’m the one who brings in more money every month). My husband and I are middle class, mortgage and two kids, one of which is in daycare 4 days a week. I would much rather be at home with my daughter,but if we want to keep our house instead of renting someone else’s, then it’s what we need to do. My dad calls daycare ‘prison’ and doesn’t understand why I can’t stay home but he’s also the same man who thinks groceries are still at 1970s prices! It sucks but we’re working our butts off now so our kids can benefit later on down the track, and our two year old is learning much more at daycare than she ever could from me!
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Lozzy, best comment I have read so far! Thank you!
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We really need to stop over analysing this. Do what you want to do. Kids are resilient, they will be fine with your choice Unless you let them think otherwise they will cope with it
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Wow! That conversation blew my mind! I feel there are many choices we make as parents that require us to take into account our child, our sanity and our financial situation. We do the best with what we have at the time, inside our own circumstances. Comparing your life to others – what is the point?
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Ahem. Excuse my rant below. Bit trigger happy on that topic at the moment.
Have also definitely run the gamut of thoughts and feelings on the same topic Nicole. And I’m always curious as to how other families run their worlds. Personally, my overriding experience has been more about the separation anxiety. When they’re very young. As opposed to guilt.
My elder two children started 2 days kindy and 3yo & 2.5yo respectively. My youngest will start slightly younger. They have (or will) switch to pre-school from 3 or 4yo. Again, just the 2 days.
I have been fortunate enough to receive a continual income while parenting. Maternity leave, paid parental leave or some other kind of leave. I’ve then returned to anywhere from 6 -12 hours per week.
Because my working hours have traditionally been outside of childcare hours, the childcare has been more about balance for our family. i.e stimulation for the child, break for me (primary parent), an extra element to reinforce the rules / routines at home (we seem to breed fantastic babies here, but toddlers? slightly more challenging
).
My eldest starts school next year, and I again resume working this September. We have just employed a nanny / housekeeper for 13 hours a week to try and meet all the competing needs. The needs of the children, my husband’s career and main bread-winning and my part-time work and (hopefully) budding business.
The baby and 3.5yo will spend approximately half a day with the nanny, and half a day with my mother-in-law. The rest of the time they will be with myself or daddy. My 3.5yo will switch to pre-school 2 days a week as of 2013 so she will be “in care” in addition to that time with the nanny and her grandmother.
It’ll be the next chapter for us, and we too, will see how it all goes. The only things set in stone are meeting our financial committments. Everything else is up for review when / if we need.
I don’t know many people “living the dream”, but I’m excited! I’d go so far as to say IF we can pull this off, well, we will come pretty close!
The study is not surprising or comforting or anything to me. The development of verbal language and socialisation have been our priorities for this age group. How a family cultivates that? Totally up to them.
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Comparatively, I don’t seem to experience much “mother guilt”?
I save it up for when I’ve done something wrong. Or failed to do something right. i.e often enough!
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I think you hit the nail on the head when you mentioned separation anxiety as opposed to guilt…the two are linked for us. My daughter has never been the clingy type, breezed through the whole separation anxiety “stage”, and took to daycare like a duck to water at 16 months. My son is very different, and we were really worried about how he’d cope. He was also younger – 11 months. But he’d started crawling a few weeks before, and with that came a whole lot of confidence and happiness. And while we had a few tears from him, he settled in beautifully as well.
It’s pretty simple for me – if they’re sad/struggling/sick, I feel guilty. If they’re happy, I’m happy. And mostly they’re happy. And thriving
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I do think that while the guilt is still there sometimes, it was easier for me to go back part time. My daughter only goes 2 days a week third one she is at her grandmother’s. I dont love having to drop her off there even for the two days but it’s a bit easier for me to deal with and gives me more precious time with her. I would definitely recommend going part time if this is an option for you.
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Simple fact mothers don’t want to do their job properly anymore. It’s far too easier to outsource Childcare than look after your babies. Whether the duty being hand balled to grandparents full time or Childcare centres, it becomes easier for the mother to be in full time employment than nurture their own babies. Sad environment, but mothers are only thinking of their own needs these days. .
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Alicia, i take great offence at that. It was a hard decision to put my then 2 1/2 year old in daycare to return to work. I did not simply think he was too much to handle, I needed to go back to work to earn money to survive
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Surely you cant be serious Alicia……bit of gross generalisation dont you think?
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Oh bless, Alicia, you’re just looking to cause trouble, aren’t you, sweetie?
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Yes, because mothers are the only parents a child has and yet no one blinks an eye about fathers going back to full time work after their babies are born, do they “Alicia”?
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I believe someone in the family has to work and mothers are likely to breastfeed to it only makes sense the father is in full time employment i would gather.
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I returned at 16 months and 13 months respectively, and both were breastfed until 20 months. No fuss, no muss.
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Yep, we’re still breastfeeding with no hassles at nearly 16 months and going to day care most days each week. No dramas at all, full boobs here and there sometimes, but otherwise no problem.
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Awesome comment Alicia. How about we stop wasting time, money and resources on educating women and just teach them domestic skills instead because all women really should be doing is staying at home having babies. Leave all that career malarky to the men! Heaven forbid our daughters get any ambitious notions!
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Alicia, such a ridiculous generalisation. Sounds like you have some of your own issues you seriously need to deal with. Yikes.
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This may be true for a very tiny percentage of parents. But most are like me and have to work or on welfare I would go and then you would judge me for that too. So, to people like you Alicia, I can’t win either way. I am very proud to support my son 100 per cent and we receive no hand outs whatsoever.
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Why is this a point of pride? Our tax and welfare system are linked. Why not get back some of the tax you paid in the form of a family tax benefit / baby bonus? You seem to want to live in a country where they’re not available, and tax is lower. Live in the real world, your taxes fund these payments that are available to most parents, as a part of the way government (on our behalf) expresses social priorities. Why short-change yourself? Benefits are a part of our social structure, not something “those scroungers” receive, and elitists shun out of ego.
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I was fortunate enough to be a stay at home mum whilst both my children were young. This was a choice my husband & I made. Although, it was stressful for my husband being the sole breadwinner, we went without alot, and it set us up back financially (we still havent caught up) I loved it and I have no regrets.
However, I take my hats off to mums who work and use childcare. Raising kids is hard enough, without the cost, guilt and juggling of childcare as well
And I think in Sydney, childcare is a necessity. We live in the outskirts of Sydney, not in a flash suburb, the starting price for a 3-bedroom weatherboard house is now $650,000. Unless you are lucky enough to have financial help from family (rare) you need 2 incomes.
The other consideration is women’s career. Stepping out the workforce to raise children makes it very hard to get back into the workforce 5-10 years down the track.
This especially important given the high rates of divorce and the fact most women have little super. These days women need financial independence.
Lastly, there is alot of emphasis these days on mental health. For some mothers being home 24/7 is not for them. Working keeps them sane.
So, mums if you are fortunate enough to be a stay at home mum and you love it, like me, good on you.
But if you need to use childcare, you have my support as well.
All that matters is that your family is happy & healthy
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Great post.
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Great comment! What she said x 100
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I’m only half way through this post but can I just say, SO FEW of us are “traumatising” (or the other favourite, “damaging”) our kids.
Nothing personal to the author herself but I’ve had a gutful of these words being bandied about when it comes a loving family and the choices they make. Overstatement much?
These are terms which should be reserved for abuse and neglect. Not your standard Joe / Jo running a household and raising a family.
I find our generation of parents are so unneccessarily riddled with guilt and immobilised by fear. It’s a crock of shit. Don’t buy into it people!
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Absolutely.
There are many children in appalling situations of abuse and neglect.
I work in an area where second or third generation unemployment is not uncommon, and you don’t have to look far at the local shops to see a child being screamed and sworn at, or worse, by a ‘parent’ who is spending money on cigarettes and alcohol but can’t afford to buy their child’s asthma medication…
These are the children we should be worrying about, not those from stable homes, with attentive parents, who decide that the best thing for their family as a whole is for both parents to work, and use a few hours of quality child care a week.
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Yeah, I was told that putting my daughter in childcare was “unfortunate”. I can think of plenty of unfortunate things that could happen to a baby or their Mum, and having access to awesome childcare isn’t one of them!
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I think MM is running out of ideas, this type of article has been done to death, so over it. What amazes me is that everyone keeps falling for it, they are just posting this stuff to get a rise out of everyone. SO sick of it.
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I hope not seeing it was my idea! I think the truth is I have written two articles about this because I am passionate about it and have a situation with my own Mum that has been a huge source of guilt and a research study was released yesterday which makes it relevant to more than just me today (p.s. I promise it is not the only thing I write about – you should read my article on double-kissing or indoor play centres … equally controversial…ok maybe not.) Nx
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Indoor play centres. Gaaaarh!
I took one of my girls there for a birthday and you could smell poo as soon as you walked in there.
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I have taken K to one here a couple of times, but it was boring. Not a fan.
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I know I nearly stabbed myself with a fork and that was before a four year old jumped on my 1 year old’s head – Indoor Play centres are a living hell! Although comments on my post were mixed – there are parents who like them…. ! #notme
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My son is in daycare five days a week cos I love him but I’d rather not look after him – I’m happy to pay other people to do that.
I think housewifey mummy types are losers, I would rather be successful at work and enjoy lunches and drinks and stimulating company.
Plenty of time to play with bub on weekends!
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Maya sounds just like Beth below…that is, just like a troll. Probably the same one!
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I agree, plus they become boring . Work is so much fun plus the cashola is great.
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OMG
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Go back to your hole, troll.
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Why have kids if you can’t be bothered or only want weekend responsibilities? They are only little for such a short time, do what you can to survive financially and provide the most secure loving environment for your child. Is your time out/drinks really that important or will you look back in ten years and regret not spending more time with your child when he was little?
From my personal experience, nothing compares to a great quality time with my children & I know they will grow up saying they came from a fun, loving and very secure environment. But maybe I just have great kids!
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Oh honey. And I hope you have some loving colleagues who are prepared to fork out for the number of alcoholic drinks you will need to cope when that son you claim to love but have no interest in actually raising becomes the teenage and then adult son you deserve. Good luck to you.
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Oh my goodness! Can’t you see this person is a troll. Don’t feed the trolls!
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I am a teacher and currently teaching Gender issues – find many of these comments rather sad. We didn’t struggle to improve women’s rights for women to turn on each other and criticize each others’ choices. Women place a lot of guilt on themselves, which men seldom do, and yet we judge each other. The idea is that we get to choose now, and many women in other cultures don’t have that luxury. As long as you love your children, and focus on positive values, they will cope with whatever their reality is. Neglect and dysfunctionality causes the most problems – not working or staying at home. Get real people and stop attacking each other for having different choices – appreciate what rights you have – live and let live
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my mum didnt go to work until i was 13, and then it was only part time. im forever grateful that she was around a lot when i was growing up. however she did put my sister and i in childcare 1 day a week to ‘socialise’ us, and i went to kindy and preschool full time because i loved it apparently. im now 24 and doing a masters degree and have backpacked around europe and asia by myself, have a boyfriend, friends etc etc so i think i turned out fine! she did the same to my younger sister and she does uni but has no job and sadly no friends. so i cant say whether child care or not makes any difference!
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There is an alternative to child care – au pairs. They are cheaper than child care and I feel much better going back to work knowing the kids are in their own environment being cared for by one person I choose and can closely monitor.
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An underpaid backpacker with poor English and little experience with long term childcare is not my idea of a good person to be caring for children.
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Once again, we see the battle between the stay at home mum and the working mum. The articles are from different angles but the comments are always the same.
MamaMia, I’d love to see an article with research on the negative effects of guilt and criticism of parenting decisions.
Friends of mine are struggling terribly because at each turn, someone has proof or research that their “method” is better. As a result, the glorious experience of being a parent is destroyed by details, instructions and the torment of possibly getting it wrong.
Agree to disagree, people. Make yourself happy and that positivity and happiness will shine through to your children, no matter which “parenting style” you use.
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Completely agree! x
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“I’d love to see an article with research on the negative effects of guilt and criticism of parenting decisions”
Ditto!
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I always struggle enormously with these types of posts. People who are able to work part time are very fortunate that their kiddies can go in care a few days a week or, even better, if they have family to help. A lot of people don’t have a choice but to return to work full time after having a bub. Neither is right or wrong. Simply do what you need to to raise healthy, well adjusted and loving kids!
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Sorry but I dont buy the we have to go back to work for financial reasons. Childcare is expensive 5 days a week so if you are not that well off how the hell can you afford it. I dont believe someone would work full time only to get a tiny percentage of monies earned back after childcare. The majority of people that place their children in full time childcare are affluent people with careers that can afford to place their children in childcare and still come out with plenty of money to play with. The average worker with average pay cannot justify full time childcare payments for little return.
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Whether or not you buy it, you haven’t seen their finances nor spent a day in their home.
Whatever the reason, it’s their decision to reflect on, not yours.
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It’s not that black and white. I am an average worker with average pay. I justify paying childcare fees for little return by simply being able to keep my job. If I step out of the workforce for too long, there is absolutely no guarantee that I will be able to return to the job that I am trained to do. Sadly, I am not irreplacable in my field. The cost of childcare is expensive but I “afford” it by making sure I have a job that will help me support my family into the future.
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I had to go back to work for financial reasons! We were completely broke! Childcare only costs me around $30 a day after all the rebates and benefits, I am an average worker with very very average salary!
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I think you should be mindful that not all employers are flexible enough to allow mothers or fathers to return to work on a p/t basis after having a child. Should they quit their job and find another? Well I wish it was that easy. Such generalisations of “majority of people” that you throw around simply ignores and trivialises the struggles mothers and fathers need to deal with every day. Have some empathy.
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The majority? Are you kidding me? Do you actually know what the majority is doing? Working. Because they have to. The people who don’t have to work have the ‘privilege’ of sitting around wondering if they are doing the right thing but the rest of us don’t have a choice, so we don’t struggle with it. I am also an average person with average pay, and it is still a financial necessity for me to work. Child care is a combination of grandma and family day care. The couple of hundred bucks I take home after I pay for childcare is what we live on as my husbands salary pays the bills / rent. I don’t know what you are not ‘buying’ but I can tell you, life is hard enough without the judgement.
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I’m like micadem, I went back not the work force because if I stay out too long then I simply won’t be able to get back in. At the moment I have a permanent job, get maternity leave, can take up to 1year unpaid leave (which I did ith my last child and will do again with this one), and my employers were reasonably flexible In letting me return part time for a while. If I leave this job I will struggle to get another one when my kids go to school and it is likely that it will further away from my home. Sometimes you have to have to take a more long term view of parenting. But if judging me according to your stereotypes makes you feel good then go ahead
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I had my son when I was 33 – and I didn’t return to full time work until I was 47.
That was my choice and it’s not for everyone.
I lived far away from my workplace and it would have meant my baby – six months old – would have been in daycare for 12 hours. Not okay for me and not okay for my husband, so we left our jobs, sold our house and moved to a quiet little place on the South Coast of NSW. I have not regretted my decision for one second.
I really feel for those mums and dads who agonise over leaving their babies and young children when they would PREFER to stay at home and care for them. Our choices cost us financially – but it was better – for us – than leaving him in the hands of strangers while I worked one and a half hours away.
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That is exactly what I would like to do except move to north coast nsw. Glad to hear about people leaving the rat race to raise kids.
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Every mother should love their child, all mothers should put their child’s happiness before their own and I think most do
we all have different situations and it’s up to the individual to know if they’re doing the right thing. Only they know what’s in their own hearts and believe me these mothers KNOW whether it’s right or wrong when they look inside. Motherhood comes with tough choices to make and every situation is different so less judgement and more understanding and support goes a long way 
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I prefer to ‘leave my cjild in the hands of strangers’ and have our daughter regularly spend time with our large and very loving extended family. If I moved away then this wouldn’t happen. I’m glad this choice has worked out for you but like everything there are pros and cons.
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Meanwhile 34 years on my two children who went to child care from the age of 4 months don’t seem to be any more neurotic than my friends kids who were looked after at home.
I think it all boils down to how much love you give and take some time after work for each child, or family group: i played cards for years with them, it was family fun time
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KDot’s been going to daycare since the start of uni, so end of Feb. We started in Family Day Care, but she HATED that, so started at a centre, which she LOVES. She has wonderful educators who love her and whom she loves too. I feel no guilt whatsoever about taking her.
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It depends on how often she goes Kris2040. If its all day 5 days a week well that is kind of unfortunate. The educators never love your children, pls dont be delusional.
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Excuse me, Anonymous? Unfortunate?
I think it’s unfortunate that there are mothers who think it is okay to look down on mothers who work.
Whether or not Kris chooses to work full-time, the fact that her daughter loves the childcare centre she’s in will benefit her immensely.
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I’m full time at uni, Gee Elle Dee. Thanks, but I’m probably delusional about her loving it as well.
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The child educators I know cared very much for their kids they looked after
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yes but they dont LOVE your child…
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Playing semantics is a sign of a weak argument.
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Anonymous, how would u know what every childcare worker is like? Pleeeease!
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Childcare workers are responsible for at least ten children. Pls tell me how they would LOVE your child.
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My son goes to full time family daycare and he is very much loved by the carer. I don’t think people should judge each others situations. Walk a mile in their shoes…
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I know my childcarers loved my sone when he went there because when he left they became my friends on facebook just to keep in touch & keep up with how he was going at his new pre school etc.
They love the photos I post…
And he was only there 2 days a week. You obviously have never either had your kids in care or good care anyway. Theya re wonderful people who genuinely love the little people they spend their days with.
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I know for a fact that there are particular educators at our child care centre that adore my sons. It’s not like school as there are 4 kids to each carer so there are opportunities for very tight bonds to form and they do. One carer told me the other day how much she missed my youngest when he was off sick, I am not deluded nor so unintuitive that I can’t discern genuine feeling. Nx
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Thanks for telling me what I see with my own eyes, and experience myself, Anonymous.
Lots of things are unfortunate. Having access to daycare that we love and that cares for my daughter the way they do is not something I’d class as unfortunate.
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My daughter is 3 and I work 2 days a week she says that Kindy is her work which is so cute her brother goes to school everyone does what they have to and what suits their family and I respect everyone’s choice I hope they give me the same courtesy
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Going to uni and making a future for yourself and your daughter is awesome. On balance she would be better off with a mother who can support herself even if that involves some time in childcare.
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Yeah it is awesome that I can do that, but I think childcare is awesome too. She gets so much out of it that I just couldn’t do at home. I think it’s great.
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I only had my son in child care one morning a week starting when he was about two and a half. I only did it so I could do my major house work in peace. He always hung on to the handle when I was mopping, stuck his head in the toilet when I was cleaning it – I think you get my drift! People thought I was having a coffee with friends, but alas no, just cleaning.
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My mother in law used to look after my son one day a week so that I could go out and do something nice for myself. But really what I was doing was staying at home watching movies and doing the ironing. I felt so bad about how I had used my time that I used to lie and tell her about the exciting things I had been up to!
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I put all my kids in day care once they turned one, on or about. I did this not because I was working, Im a stay at home mum, but because I needed the break and time to breath. Did I feel bad? Hell yes. And I felt guilty as I felt like I failed at raising my kids. It’s hard either way, work or not. As for daycare, with mothering and external assistance I think it worked out well for the kids.
Day care is a god send. Thy helped me raise my kids as they understood them and they have experience in dealing with kids so they were able to assess what’s normal or to better than I could.
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Oh the timing of this! Today is my last day of maternity leave.
I’ve done things differently this time around. With Red Rocket I was self employed and had no maternity leave. I just kept working and she came everywhere with me. At 15 months this became unsustainable and she started in two half dayas of care. At 2.5 I took a full time job and so she went into 5 day a week child care.
I took six months maternity leave with Little Lad. It’s all I can afford without the luxury of taking small side contracts etc like I did when Red Rocket was tiny. He starts in 3 days a week fo childcare next week.
Is it my ideal? No. At 15 months Red Rocket was dying to go, had a fabulous time and got a lot out of it. I dont’ feel the same about Little Lad going at 6 months old. I don’t think he will be in any way harmed by it but its not my preference to send him before he is toddling around. But there are plenty worse scenarios to be faced with than two parents (because incidentally Big Fella also goes to work 5 days a week…which so many people think has nothing to do with what care the kids have!) who both like their jobs (how lucky!) and high quality child care.
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Geez what name do you give yourself??
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Big Fella, Red Rocket, Little Lad and… Dee.
Dee, I think you need something a bit more special for yourself. Hot Mama? Mama Dash?
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You can tell she is a mummy blogger
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Nope, not a mummy blogger.
Just don’t like to use my families first names and not a fan of acronyms like DD and DH.
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and here we go again….
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Well said. Secure, happy parents make secure happy kids! Don’t expect the guilt to go away, I think it’s permanent with motherhood. Guilt about not being home enough and guilt for not being at work enough. Balance schmalance there isn’t one!
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Yeah I think you’re right…thanks for the compliment too! Nx
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I’m thinking about returning to work after 12 years. It feels right now as I’m starting to think that I’d like to earn some money and do something other than being a mum. It’s been a hard slog getting the kids to the point where they don’t need me as much (one of my kids needs a lot of help academically). The kids are also letting me know that they are ready to be more independent (travelling to and from school etc).
So although I’m scared (I’m an old woman now in the industry I was in!!). I’m really happy that I didn’t have to return to work before I was ready. I realise how lucky I am to be able to say that.
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That’s great, good luck
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The report also said children who attended preschool perform better academically at school than children who attended daycare up until the age of 8, and then it evens out.
As my kids attended preschool its nice to know that it has been a beneficial experience for them and the unsubsidised fees were worth it.
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The kindergarten teacher at my kids’ school (who had more than 30 years experience) said that she saw no difference in kids who went to pre school over day care. I think that most day care centres run a pre school curriculum anyway.
Both my children went to pre school, one struggled academically and one didn’t. So I guess I’ll never know the difference!
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I dont know why my comment was delisted but our primary school teacher told us she can tell the children placed in daycare from day dot. They are starved of attention at home and troublesome children in the classroom
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What absolute rubbish!
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Tell yourself that anon so you don’t feel guilty. Any primary school teacher will tell you the same thing
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I’m a primary school teacher and I don’t agree with you, sorry
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I’m not usually compelled to comment on here but your remark was just so ridiculous. Starved of attention at home? What an incredible generalization. My daughter is in childcare 3 days a fortnight and my son will also be once he turns one. I find having a few hours away from my child makes me appreciate and miss them so much that when they are home I engage much more in playing, reading etc, whereas the days they are home I can get caught up in the housework, cooking etc that ‘has’ to be done.
If you choose to not put your children in care- great. If you do- great. Whatever works for you.. I’m really tired of this debate and the massive guilt fest.
Good article Nicole, I hope you enjoy your return to work!
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I talking full time daycare. Not occasional care.
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Thanks Anon. I can safely say after a few months I am loving it. I still get the guilts sometimes especially when the little guys get sick, but the rewards and stimulation of being in a great workplace plus the quality and fun times with the boys mornings and nights that like you I appreciate so much more than when I was with them 24/7 – makes for a good combination. Nx
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Isn’t preschool the same as kindergarten? And therefore many kids would do a combination of childcare and kinder? All childcares (I don’t know about family day care) run kinder programs anyway so it surely can’t be any different. Thats certainly what my 3 yo will be doing next year as kindy is only 2 mornings a week and I work 4 days currently.
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No, they’re completely different. I have had kids in both and the difference is significant. Check it out if you can, you will be surprised. To start with preschools have university qualified teachers, most childcare preschool progams mostly dont.
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My partner and I put our son in childcare at the age of 18 months. This enabled my partner and I to engage in paid work. My partner and I were happy with this arrangement and as far as I can tell, our son doesn’t hate either one of us for it.
Who is my partner, I hear you ask? He’s the father of our child…the person I share responsibility for our boy with. I find it astonishing that in 2012 the debates of this kind (in relation to couple families) are thrashed out with little or no acknowledgement of fathers.
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Unfortunately, I think of lot of the time mothers are the ones that arrange childcare. Mostly, they are the ones who take time off to have a baby and often end up making any arrangements to enable them to get back to work. I’m sure some fathers actively seek out childcare, but personally, my partner was happy to let me arrange everything because I already had kids when we met and he felt that I knew “what I was doing”.
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Yes I think you’re right, mothers do take on the bulk of the responsibility for arranging other childcare (institutionalised and familial).
My point is that I would like to see the debates around work and care expand to include the idea that a child being placed in alternative care is enabling fathers’ participation in paid work as well as mothers return to work.
A problem shared is a problem halved.
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I completely agree with you. Childcare allows both parents to be in paid work, not just the mother.
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It does enable both parents to work. Just doesn’t feel like it when you’ve been the one to step out of the workforce for a while.
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I hear you Faybian
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Guilt and motherhood go hand in hand,and it never ends.Well at least not in my case.I think a mother’s love is so great it comes with the territory.
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I learned to drop the guilt a long time ago and own my decisions. I’m a much happier person for it.
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Now, I just have to learn not to read too many of these blogs!!
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Could not agree more.
ps where’s the ‘like’ button gone?
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So agree! Nx
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I’m talking about your article, Nicole!!
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I think you’ll find I was replying to J.K. when I said I agree Anon, (if it was you I was replying to, my comment would be indented under yours) but don’t worry I didn’t miss your swipe in the first instance, but hey nice of you to throw in a second one just in case. Nothing like having a go at those not as guilt-free and happy, maybe that’s your secret….?
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I have two kids – 5 years apart. One went to childcare, one didn’t. They’re 20 and 15 now. And they’re both fantastic.
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I love this comment! We can get so caught up in things thinking they are so important, when really, when kids are grown can you really tell who was BF, who was in care, who’s mum made the play dough with no additives, never ate chips etc etc.
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Thank you! People seem to beat themselves up about the decisions they make regarding their kids when most of the time, most of us turn out fine!
Take ownership of your decisions. Stop worrying about what other people think. Trust your instincts. Do what is right for you and your family. My daughter goes to daycare three days a week. I refuse to feel guilty and buy into the whole daycare is going to mess up my kid thing. Why? Because she is happy. She is happy when I drop her off and pick her up. She has made a bunch of friends who all seem pretty happy too. Every parent I speak to with kids at the centre is just a normal person like the rest of us and have nothing but positive things to say about the care their child receives. Plus, I’m happy and so is my husband. We seem to have found a balance that is working. Sure, there are things that I would sometimes like to change, but that’s life! I have a great life. My daughter is awesome and my job is pretty cool too!
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Well said suzanne, love your comment!
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Before another poster gets sucked in by Beth’s comment immediately below VVV – I strongly suspect she is a troll trying to get a rise out of you all.
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It’s easy to spot – I wouldn’t be surprised if its a bloke too – not that I’m sexist, it just reminds me of a mate of mine who likes winding people up for fun.
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I drop my 8 week old baby girl jess at daycare every morning at 7am and collect at 6.30pm. Do I feel guilty? Hell no. I feel liberated. I had a life and career before my baby came along and refuse to give it up. Happy mother, happy baby.
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I dont think your child will suffer any harm as a result of being in childcare but I do find it a bit sad for the parents of little ones having to be away from their bubs for so long when they are so young. You really do miss out on a tremendous amount of joy in watching them grow and learn. Parents have a whole lifetime to be “liberated” I wonder why it is necessary after 8 weeks.
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I have time on weekends to spend with my baby. Don’t be so judgemental gee gee. Envious perhaps that I make a bucket load of $$$$$ I wonder…
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Are you working now or surfing the net?
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I get long leisurely lunches on Friday… Even more jealous?
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Yes I jealous thats it, how old are you?
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8 weeks old! my god! Why have a baby? Just so you can chuck her in daycare. Shame on you, hope youre baby doesn’t call her carer mum before she calls you it. She probably forgets who you are.
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Sorry but I think you are really sad and delusional.
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No not envious because there is plenty of time to make a bucketload of $$$ if that is what motivates you, but only one time your baby will be a newborn. Im not being judgmental, each to their own, I just find it a bit sad for the parents, as I said. And also, as I said, Im sure your child is getting great care but I would hate to miss out on that time myself.
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“I’m not being judgmental”
Yeah, you are.
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Ahh “Beth”… I love my job and was happy to return to it gradually from when my son was 6 months, working from home 2 days a week until at 11 months I went back into the office 4 days a week… But 8 weeks into being a new mum, I would never have had the energy or inclination to be bothered seeking liberation in that way. If that’s how you choose to play it then good on you but I strongly suspect your mental state will eventually find long leisurely lunches will make your heart ache. If you want to work, then work and ensure that valuable time away from your Precious child is never, ever wasted or taken for granted…
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I have a friend that sounds a lot like Beth. She really enjoys her work and its perks. She has two children, that I’m sure she loves. It’s just that she doesn’t want to be called a mum. She has higher aspirations!!??
I should point out that her work is nothing I would consider important to the universe. She’s certainly not curing cancer!!
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That is just so sad! You just made this beautiful baby and now you leave them with someone else fie days a week and barely get to see them! Money can never replace the amazing bond between a mother and child!
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You’re right as long as you’re happy then that’s the main thing. 11.5 hrs per day in daycare for an 8 week baby so that you can feel liberated…..
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An 8-week old baby who isn’t going to remember that she was there for 11.5 hours, given she’ll spend most of the time asleep and is 8-weeks old. Do you remember much from being that age?
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No she wont remember it 20 years from now. She will however experience high levels of stress from being in that environment for 11.5 hrs per day. Remember she is an 8 week old baby not a 2.5 year old. If there is no other option and clearly money is not an option that perhaps Beth could look at a nanny?
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That’s true. But a newborn in childcare will not receive the same loving attention from an adult as a newborn at home. With no disrespect to the childare staff, but they have to share themselves around all the babies they care for.
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Troll.
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Yep, I agree!
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Going back to work is one thing, but I think your attitude is just nasty
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How on earth would you even know how happy your baby is, seeing you spend so little time with it? How do you expect to have a meaningful relationship with a child who you refuse to prioritise?
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I find too many mothers don’t know how to prioritise. It’s all about them. Thus we end up with selfish mothers who’s main concern is the briefcase & the meetings.
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Oh, for shit’s sake. A woman’s mental health is of paramount importance with parenting. If she gets depressed being stuck at home 24/7, how is that going to benefit her baby?
Some women are fulfilled staying at home, and that’s great. Some get more out of getting some downtime or going to work.
Cannot believe women still have to have this conversation.
I’m childfree, and I often struggle to empathise with mothers. It’s something I’m working on. But I do not think they are terrible for going to work or god forbid taking some time out to care for their own wellbeing.
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Fair enough , but you have made the choice not to have a child. Beth has a child who she doesn’t want to be with! Only people who wish to be with their children should have them!
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Do you judge fathers who go to work? Bet you don’t.
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Yes, so many women and men are desperate to have a baby but can’t and yet there are people who unnecessarily stick their very young babies in childcare.
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I hope that you mean that a ‘parent’s’ mental health is of paramount importance…? And by this ‘parent’ I assume you are talking about the primary caregiver?
Not having a go, but just highlighting your other point as well about wondering if people judge fathers for going back to work. I’m guessing that if that father was the primary caregiver, and then returned to work then those who judge, might judge the father just the same as the would have if the roles were reversed… I’m not sure of course, it’s just my hunch.
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You’re right, of course. Apologies. But as things stand a) women are generally the primary caregivers and b) women are judged harshly. I suspect men wouldn’t be.
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And the worst part of it all is that is women who judge each other so harshly.
Like anything in life, becoming a parent does not come with answers/solutions in a one-size fits-all package.
So unless a parent is causing themselves or their child/children damage in any way, its unfortunate that other people feel they have the right to comment on the way they choose to run their lives.
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Beth is a Troll trying to get a rise outta you! Beware!
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Does your baby girl feel ‘liberated’ I wonder? Will she feel liberated when she’s older and she can’t see her mum for 12 hours a day?
Very clearly, the “$$$$$” and your “long leisurely lunches” are your priority. Will your daughter feel like she ‘has a life’ when she discovers that?
Personally I’d rather have less money and more time, and a shorter lunch so I could go home earlier and spend time with my family.
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You sound like a knocked up teenager with silly comments about being liberated from an 8 week old baby, “spending time with her on the weekends” and making lots of $$$$$, next thing you’ll be jumping on yellow couches Tom Cruise style. Take some responsibility woman. And yes I’m being judgemental, judgemental over your immature attitude.
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Oh wow…. i don’t want to judge but i don’t think she is being serious? She has an 8 week old baby and she’s boasting about leaving it in childcare? Sounds like a troll to me
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Go away troll – go poke some other site with your stick.
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This is really sad.
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Whilst i’m sure your daughter will be just fine, it’s you i feel sorry for. You really are missing out on such a joyous stage in their development.
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Why did you bother having a child if you felt the need to feel ‘liberated’ after 8 weeks. I feel sad and sorry for you baby.
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Whether you want to believe it or not now, that baby will grow into a teenager and her attitude will be proof that you have done the wrong thing. Trust me. Every kid we know who is off the rails at 14, 15 & 1 had their parents taking the easy way out with their childhood. They are now paying for it.
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Child care definitely has an impact on kids. But it’s a positive one. My kids are happier and better adjusted because they mixed socially with kids at kindy. It’s just fact.
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puh-lease….
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Kindy is not the only place that children can socialise with other children! If you’re looking after your children during the weekday you don’t have to stay in the house all day – you’re allowed to take them to places where they’ll meet and play with other children.
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Day care is not “kindy”. Kindergarten has a curriculum and is taught by a qualified teacher. Day care is group babysitting.
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When I drop my Tessie (2) off at care – she goes 3 days a week – I never feel guilty. She looks forward to is and she loves going. She learns from playing with the other kids and has a great time.
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It’s great that you’ve thought this through so thoroughly, and no doubt your piece will spark the usual debate, but I just wanted to say I felt exactly the same returning to work 16 months after having my first child. And it was fine. Really. It’s the right mix for us, and I returned 13 months after having my second. I work 3 days a week in a job I really enjoy (and I also work very near my husband, so the odd lunch break together is a lovely bonus), I get to grow as an adult, and I get to grow as a mother at home. Sometimes I miss my kids terribly, but mostly I’m too busy! And I really do think it makes me a happier, more balanced mother, wife and human being
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Glad it’s working for you too, and I reckon it does makes Mums like us, who are happier working and parenting, better Mums. Nx
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Yes Nic, as you & I have agreed, happier mum = happier kids. Mine at 40 & 33 are fab parents themselves to our 6 grandkids. Love D x
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Firstly your article that you wrote in November last year contradicts the above report from ivillage!!!!
Secondly sounds like you are already working?!?
Thirdly is this article just trying to gain more reactions from the public?
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Please explain Nicole
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This article where her son at age 2.5 has been in daycare for 2 years already. That article was published in Nov 2011.
http://www.mamamia.com.au/parenting/to-daycare-or-not-to-daycare/
is this a gee up?
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Hi Anonymous,
The research studies attached to both articles are not my writing and are from different sources. The part that is my writing is the non-italicised bits. Although when I wrote my article last time I did cite some research from the US and it supported the iVillage findings as long as the child didn’t attend for more than 30 hours a week. Google this for more info: National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (NICHD) Study of Early Child Care and Youth Development (SECCYD) or this “Study shows consistent benefit of early day care”, Reuters, Washington, Fri May 14, 2010
I am working now but haven’t been back for long. I was returning to full time work when I wrote this after my second maternity leave of 15months. When I returned last time it was after my first son and I returned part-time and only after 9 months.
So “no” is the answer to your last question, both articles are a genuine expression of the struggle internally I face with motherhood and the choices I have made. Although I have learnt a lot since the first and feel more confident that we as a family have made the right decisions, despite the ongoing motherhood guilt.
Nicole
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I truly believe a happy mum = a happy baby. I am currently on maternity leave with my 3rd child. I went back to work part time 6 months after my first, 5 months after my second and planning 6 months this time. I felt terribly guilty the first time but after some juggling we made it work. I have come to realise that I am a much better mum when I have 3 days a week to be a professional. And my 2 older children love preschool. We live rurally so I also feel preschool is important for them socially. You need to do what is right for you. I am sure your sons will adjust quickly, you will miss them and have the guilts and doubts probably for ever (no matter what you do) and soon your newly rearranged life will be the comfortable norm. Good luck with your new adventure!
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I’m not so convinced “happy mum” (or “happy dad”) means that the baby will be happy but rather that long term “unhappy” mum or dad probably means unhappy baby. There’s a significant different between the two.
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Thanks Ann! Nx
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