Image: Twitter @Tara_Nielsen_
by AMY STOCKWELL
Last week’s tragic events have been reported widely, with social media playing an important role in telegraphing information about Jill Meagher’s last known whereabouts and providing an avenue for a nation’s grief.
This was the Australian community at its best. Like never before, Australia has shown us a spontaneous and urgent community campaign to find a woman who they had never met; a powerful outpouring of support for a family who feared the worst; and ultimately, a flood of sadness for a life cut far too short.
But it has also shown Australia at its most disappointing.
We’ve seen fools spouting commentary about how Jill Meagher was dressed, what she was doing and where she was when this incident occurred. Blatantly blaming Jill for putting herself at risk, for being who and where she was that night.
Punters on the internet and hours of radio talkback have suggested that Jill should have been more careful, that she shouldn’t have been out walking home late at night, that the CCTV footage shows that her shoes were too high, that she was drunk and that her husband should have come to meet her at the bar to walk her home. Neil Mitchell from Melbourne’s 3AW flicked through Jill’s Facebook pictures and determined that she is a woman who “likes a good party” and her disappearance might be explained by her being “off partying somewhere”.
Do women who go to parties not deserve safety? Should women who go to the pub expect fear? Do shoes incite violence?
Clearly, this is nothing but condescending claptrap that only seeks to justify the inexcusable. No one should ever, ever be subject to judgement or blame for violence committed against them.
“Don’t dress that way, don’t walk that way, don’t be out so late” is the mantra of a society that thinks that it is acceptable for women to be attacked unless they keep themselves tidy and stay inside after dark. It entirely fails to place the blame and shame where it should lie: on those who perpetrate these crimes.
Amy Stockwell
The rates of violence against women in this country are shockingly high. One in three women will experience physical violence; one in five will experience sexual violence (ABS, 2006, Personal Safety Survey 2005 Reissue). A person in Australia is reported missing every 15 minutes (see Missingpersons.gov.au for more detail).
As a woman, you know this danger. Because, as women, we have all experienced incidents of violence or threatened violence – and most likely, we have played it off. We have ignored it. Or at least we have not talked about it.
While women will feel many emotions about this case, one emotion it is important not to feel is fear. You already know that it can be dangerous to be a woman, simply going about your daily life – whether it is day or night; whether you’re in heels or trackies; whether you are at the pub, driving your car or buying your groceries. You are aware and you stay aware.
But it is important that, as women, we do not allow this tragic crime to stop us living our lives as we choose.
We should keep ourselves safe – not because we are weak and need protection, but because we are strong and deserve to live free from fear.
We should continue to talk to our friends, sisters and daughters about personal safety strategies that we use. My mother taught me some of the strategies I still use to stay safe; my friends taught me others.
We should never be worried about feeling stupid or being polite when our safety is at stake. We must keep being the women we are and going to the places that we go – and keep denouncing fools who would seek to blame women for the violence that they experience.
Photo: @MissBaileyWoof
Amy Stockwell is a policy communicator, lawyer and writer, former ministerial adviser, public servant and NGO-junkie. You can follow her on Twitter here.
Comments
50 Comments so far
i agree with CBR very good point……..
I personally think that its a sad world we live in when a young girl cannot arrive home safely 5 mins from the bar she was drinking at, regardless of what she is wearing , I mean come on she did not bring this on herself , she was out having a laugh with friends , her home was 5 mins away , how more careful could she have been , order a cab? her home was 5 mins away , ask a friend to walk her home? how many of you would have done that knowing you would safely walk through your door in 5 mins ? I think many of you should put yourselves in jills shoes what would you have done? no one has perfect judgement , this girl had every right to walk home without any harm coming to her as we all do , same cant be said for the scum who took away her precious life , instead of placing some of the blame on the victim lets pass it on to the person deserving of it – adrian bayley
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Jesus. People here are STILL saying “Jill put herself in a vulnerable situation” or “take precautions for your safety.” What is wrong with you? Don’t you understand what you’re doing?
You are STILL assigning Meagher part of the responsibility for what happened to her. And THIS is why people don’t report rapes and assaults, and THAT is why it still happens. All. The. Time.
You people are part of the reason this happens. You people are part of the reason I can’t walk home without wondering whether my skirt is too short. You should be ashamed of yourselves.
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Calm down! No-one is blaming Jill for anything. People are just saying you can’t change predatory behaviour in a sociopath or psychopath, you can only change your OWN behaviour. Therefore, if you can avoid putting yourself in a vulnerable situation then you should.
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Lets just walk around and be gullible then……
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Jill put herself in a vunerable situation, there is a Mother, Cousin, Aunty, Brother, Sister, Son, Daughter missing somewhere right now this is the world we live in sad but true
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Look, I’ve got to say, I actually don’t really agree with the comments being espoused, ie that cautioning women to be more careful at night time is “victim blaming”.
I don’t think the answer is that instead of “telling women to be accompanied home” we “educate men about violence towards women” – whilst I think government funding to violence programs would always be a penny well spent, I think that it would be futile to implement this and naive to think it is solving the problem.
The fact is, that sociopaths and psychopaths exist in society. Their brains are wired in a different way to other people. No amount of education is going to change their brain. They can’t be rehabilitated. Nothing will negate the fact they look for opportunity to commit violent acts, unless the opportunity is taken away.
YES, there are male and female psychopaths, sociopaths, you name it. However, unfortunately, men are physiologically stronger, therefore it is more likely a male socio/psychopath is going to be opportunistic in attacking a woman walking home alone at night time.
That is why everyone, not just women, but men as well, should have to take precautions for their own safety.
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@whippersnapper
Well said. As a male who worries himself sick about his female friends and colleagues I have to say that THE MOST IMPORTANT THING for females is to NOT PUT YOURSELF IN A POSITION WHERE A BLOKE LIKE HE CAN DO SOMETHING TO YOU SUCH AS WAS DONE TO JILL. You are NOT being weak by accepting a ‘walk home’ from a male friend. You may well be SAVING YOURSELF FROM RAPE OR WORSE. I adore my female friends; please, please, girls don’t put yourselves in danger. ACT SMART.
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The discussion around “minimising risk” making my blood boil. I see all this lovely safety advice about “always walk home with company”. It is a sad statistical FACT that you are more likely to be raped by the person you know that is walking you home than by a random stranger. Women are almost always raped by people they know. Not just people they know but people they trust. They are even raped by family members. In their own homes.
So all this great advice actually doesn’t make an ounce of difference to most women who experience sexual violence.
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This is an excerpt from “Rape Culture 101″ from Shakesville.
http://www.shakesville.com/2009/10/rape-culture-101.html
“Rape culture is 1 in 6 women being sexually assaulted in their lifetimes. Rape culture is not even talking about the reality that many women are sexually assaulted multiple times in their lives. Rape culture is the way in which the constant threat of sexual assault affects women’s daily movements. Rape culture is telling girls and women to be careful about what you wear, how you wear it, how you carry yourself, where you walk, when you walk there, with whom you walk, whom you trust, what you do, where you do it, with whom you do it, what you drink, how much you drink, whether you make eye contact, if you’re alone, if you’re with a stranger, if you’re in a group, if you’re in a group of strangers, if it’s dark, if the area is unfamiliar, if you’re carrying something, how you carry it, what kind of shoes you’re wearing in case you have to run, what kind of purse you carry, what jewelry you wear, what time it is, what street it is, what environment it is, how many people you sleep with, what kind of people you sleep with, who your friends are, to whom you give your number, who’s around when the delivery guy comes, to get an apartment where you can see who’s at the door before they can see you, to check before you open the door to the delivery guy, to own a dog or a dog-sound-making machine, to get a roommate, to take self-defense, to always be alert always pay attention always watch your back always be aware of your surroundings and never let your guard down for a moment lest you be sexually assaulted and if you are and didn’t follow all the rules it’s your fault.”
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One night while we were on a holiday in Las Vegas my husband went to play poker while I stayed at the hotel with our children. Later that night when he got back to the room he told me how scared he was as he walked down a relatively quiet street with some suspicious looking guys around. He has done martial arts for a large part of his life so he definately knows how to take care of himself.
The thing is if something had happened to him that night the same things would have been said “why was he walking on his own late at night…” “he should have known better…”. Yes arguably we are talking Las Vegas but I presume it would still be busier than Brunswick at 1am. Like many others have pointed out though at times it’s about choosing a safer option.
Jill Meagher did not deserve to die in this way! No one does! But until we adopt some stronger punishments towards these offenders (perhaps like Singapore although that still doesn’t guarantee a crime free society?) we (females and males) need to bring a level of awareness (not fear) in the potential situations they might find themselves in.
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I don’t think that poor Jill Meagher made bad choices. Which is precisely why this story has caught the attention and hearts of the community. This could have happened to SO many of us. THAT’S why it was and is still all over the media. It’s about the circumstances of her disappearance – we can all (in one way or another) relate to Jill or her family. STOP victim blaming and understand that the issue of men attacking women goes so much further beyond what types of shoes women wear. I mean, get real! The other thing I think people overlook is just how infrequently women are abducted, raped and murdered from a (relatively) busy place by a stranger. Put it in perspective and understand that changing who we are because it “might” cause a man to react to us in such an extreme way is completely hysterical and really not helpful. I am still trying to come to terms with what happened in my neighbourhood and am deeply saddened by it, but I am also very moved by the positive response from the community and the Peace March shows us that there are many, many people among us who only wish each other well and do not tolerate the threat of violence. They showed up in solidarity to speak that message loud and clear. I am very grateful for that knowledge.
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Great article, thinking it would be beneficial to write an article about what women can do to stay safe, apart from the obvious of staying with a group when walking home from the pub, not getting too slushed etc.
I have a feeling there are other less obvious approaches we should be aware off, so we can still wear our high heels and short skirts
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What an interesting read by Andrew Bolt on the man behind the march. A photographer who likes to photograph women in bondage.
Seriously, until women wake up to the way the media manipulate every area of our lives, from what we wear, to who we vote for, to whose life is worth grieving for and whose life won’t sell newspapers, we have only ourselves to blame.
Shame on us. Our daughters deserve better than this.
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The gullible can be whipped into a frenzy, ask Hitler.
Yesterday it was to march for what? Because an inner city woman had been tragically murdered. Not because someone from the suburbs was. No, because it was ‘one of their own.’ in a progressive society I thought we weren’t supposed to be tribal!
Today, the media have whipped them into another frenzy. Because a pedophile has been sentenced to 10 months in prison and will be out in six to perfect his craft? No. Because a commentator made a bad call and apologised for it.
The hysteria for both these cases should be a wake up call to all of us. The reactions would put the theatrics of year 9 girls to shame.
This sort of susceptiblity to media manipulation is terrifying.
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If someone from the outer suburbs is murdered, people can march in the outer suburbs. What’s stopping them? Certainly not the people who marched in the inner suburbs.
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Agree. Agree. Completely agree. Hysteria does more harm than good. I saw so many investigations almost derailed due to the over-emotive public ‘outrage and hysteria’ during my 27 years as a detective working in sex offense & child abuse units.
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Perfectly said. ” Sense of entitlement” – my goodness who on earth thinks that letaline writes it. Note to self – remember to feel entitled next time I go out for drinks and walk home.
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I SHOULD be able to walk across busy Parramatta Road and NOT be struck by a car. After all, drivers are responsible for not hitting anyone. However, if I choose to cross at the wrong time, that action MAY be considered ill advised. Do I DESERVE to be hit? No. Are drivers responsible for hitting me if I cross against the signals (ie signs of danger)? Maybe yes, maybe not. I’ll ponder my entitlements if I’m lucky to recover in intensive care.
No one DESERVES to be attacked because of their choices; however predators WILL take advantage of bad choices. They are 100% responsible for the attack, but the person attacked still has to live with what happens. I rather avoid it than deal with it.
People need to be aware of ill-informed choices, not fearful, not blamed as victims, but strategic. Willful ignorance is another thing altogether. Don’t put yourself in harms way IF you can help it.
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Anon, please try not to compare walking out in front of traffic with being raped and murdered, it’s a little offensive.
As the wonderful Wanda said – the only thing that your rally help us is if we had detachable vaginas. A rapist won’t stop raping you just because other people have told you to ‘be careful’. Whatever that means. Just stay indoors?
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I agree with Anon. I wouldn’t suggest for a second that Jill Meagher in any way contributed to what happened to her, but if there are any safety lessons to be learned from this and other similar tragedies, shouldn’t we try to learn them? The point is that some people are predatory and dangerous, whether we like it or not. Whatever you can do to make yourself less vulnerable – do it. Anything that restricts your mobility – such as very high heels, or a recently sprained ankle – makes you more vulnerable than you would otherwise be. From the look of that CCTV, the alleged killer seemed to be trying to engage her in conversation. Maybe he pretended to need help with something. It’s a common tactic of predators – to disarm the victim and exploit their empathy/decency. I liked Alison Summers’ book – A Girl’s Guide to Predators. There’s a lot of really good strategic advice about how to stay safe and about some of the tricks psychopaths use to fly under the radar. I don’t see why we shouldn’t talk about these things – we need to.
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It amazes me that so many people don’t take into account Jill’s family and friends involvement in creating the movement around finding her. They started a FB page, printed off flyers & plastered them all over Sydney Road, in different languages, worked with her colleagues at ABC – they kept her face alive & didn’t stop until her body was found. The community within which she lived & lost her life came together to honour her life in a peaceful way, because they were motivated to do so, as a way of collective community healing. They made it happen, not the media. The media support, I would argue, was continued because it was what people on social media, were talking about. Again, Jill’s family set up the social media craze – what a fantastic family network they are.
Jill, in her personal life, and by circumstance of living where she did, was surrounded by people who cared & took action. I say, lucky her – I’m glad that at least someone who goes missing gets that kind of love and respect. For those who don’t have that kind of family & friend network or back-up, then its up to the community they live in to get behind them & create it.
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We can all be as righteous as we like about how the world should be, but this is real people. I’m not going to play Russian roulette with my life just to make a point about how free my choices of walking the streets are. In reality if there is the chance of this being my fate it’s simple I’m choosing safety.
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Well said, Rachel. And a well thought-out argument.
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What frustrates me – even below – is that people are STILL focussing on “reducing risk”, as if these are choices we can make, and that (as Lisa J said) we must be “realistic”.
But how realistic can we be when merely being female is a risk? We can’t walk home, alone or otherwise, because it is a risk. We can’t get a cab home, because it is a risk (if they accept the small fare in the first place; no easy feat in Melbourne in the small hours). What, then?
We shouldn’t go out at night, because it is a risk? We shouldn’t wear “skimpy” clothes (by whose judgement) and high heels, because it is a risk? We should be escorted everywhere, like chattel, because merely being outside while being in possession of a vagina is a risk?
Don’t tell me to stop doing ‘risky’ things. Tell men to stop raping women.
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I think you are wrong. Being a living human is a risk, not just being a woman. You CAN minimise obvious risks (like walking alone at night) if you want to. You don’t have to of course, but telling rapists not to rape is like telling paedophiles to take up a different hobby.
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I think perhaps this was meant in the sense of longer sentences, and LESS victim blaming. Lets not be obtuse here…
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It is incredibly dangerous to encourage women to not feel fear from this, and go on living their lives as they want – which I would assume includes going walking about by themselves at night – just because we *should* be able to. Yes, we *should* be able to, but the unfortunate reality is that these predators are out there and *will* take advantage of what they see as vulnerable prey. Let me pre-emptively say this is not victim-blaming – it is just being realistic. It doesn’t matter who thinks a sparrow *should* be able to enjoy a spring day in whatever manner they please if someone hasn’t locked up the cat first.
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I’m surprised no one else has raised a “cat and uncovered meat” eyebrow at your comments..
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Um, I don’t get the “cat and uncovered meat” reference?! I was trying to say that cats are known predators to birds – much as men like this are known predators to women. Until we find a way to remove all these predators, what we *feel* we should be able to do, and should have the innate right to do, has absolutely no bearing on what we *need* to do to keep ourselves safe.
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You’ve forgotten Sheik al-Hilali telling his flock that uncovered women are like uncovered meat, and if they are assaulted, don’t blame the cat?
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Hadn’t heard the reference, and certainly not what I intended by my analogy……I’m not advocating anything resembling victim blaming in my stance – just pointing out that us deciding that the threat shouldn’t exist doesn’t mean it will magically disappear. I used the analogy I did because it was a known predator/prey relationship – and given differences in size, muscle mass, and experience in violent situations, a lot of the time women are as easy prey to men as a sparrow is to a cat. All the righteous indignation in the world about a woman having the right to feel safe in any situation won’t afford her any defence against the person attacking her…..Until we find a method to negate the danger entirely, the best way to stay safe is to be prepared and be wary.
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Excellent points and very well put.
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Such a tragic story. I live near this area of Melbourne. I think it has shocked everyone because it’s such a populated area, always lots of people around. How could this happen here? Even on the CCTV footage, you can see lots of cars driving past. Poor Jill, wrong place, wrong time. We have all walked home a little bit pissed. You would never stop and think that such absolute evil is waiting for you. On the other hand, I’ve caught taxis home from nights out, being responsible and not walking, but I have felt threatened in those too. Sometimes there are real weirdos at my local shopping centre in broad daylight. It’s just an absolutely tragic outcome and yes, I will teach my daughters personal safety strategies but it shits me to tears that we have to live in this way. RIP Jill
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There was a 17 year old “boy” stabbed to death in Sunbury yesterday. A 20 year old suspect was arrested today. Why has this story received so little attention? Is it not as tragic? No disrespect at all intended for Jill Meagher’s family.
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And what about Anna Chmiel who went missing on the 25th? She was found deceased soon after in non-suspicious circumstances (i.e she commit suicide) but it was never reported like Jill. The tragic thing is we carry on about our entitlement to walk these streets but completely ignore the alarming rate at which suicide is icreasing. This about the 8th story MM has covered on Jill – why? Let’s talk suicide victims. Let’s talk unreported sexual crime and abuse. Let’s talk domestic abuse and street violence. Let’s talk about the ever growing missing persons register. Jill’s case is tragic, but let’s not get carried away here and forget the rest just because she happened to be white, middle class and attractive.
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I googled something along the lines of ‘people missing in Victoria’ when Jill’s case became public as I was interested in how many other people were missing but not as publically. I read something by the relative of another missing person that said they had contacted a media organization to get some coverage but were told that their case wasn’t newsworthy!? It is very sad to think that one person is more or less newsworthy than another.
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I just read this:
http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/nation/mother-of-anna-chmiel-says-her-daughters-case-got-no-publicity-when-she-went-missing/story-e6frg6nf-1226486165376
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It’s called “missing white woman syndrome”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Missing_white_woman_syndrome
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Amy, your article perfectly illustrates the sense of entitlement of our young women.
Life is not all about what you want.
You’re free to live your life as you want, any law-abiding way you choose but there always have been and always will be consequences for every decision you make.
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I hardly think a desire to not be attacked on the street accords with the notion of ‘a sense of entitlement’. By that idea – I assume women who desire not to be beaten by their husbands, or gay people who don’t want to be attacked for their sexual orientation, or old people who don’t want to be mugged in the carpark are also showing a sense of entitlement?
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Goodness! How dare a woman feel entitled to walk home safely, without being robbed of her life.
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If I grew a penis and 30 kilos of muscle would I then be “entitled” to walk home safely?
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Amy does encourage women to be safe and share safety strategies – I don’t think she’s advocating that women can ‘do whatever they want’ – just that while we need to be aware of our safety, we can’t spend our lives locked up in the house in fear. I think it was a great article.
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Hells. Yes.
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The eye opener for me in this entire tragic event is the realisation of just how much more society values wrong done to an attractive white female compared to anyone else in the community.
It is a shame that the families of most victims cant experience the love of a community to the same extent. Just as other drug dealers are not given the benefit of doubt Shappelle was
Society sure values female beauty I guess, more than I realised.
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But Lulu…The article above states that a person is reported missing in Australia every 15 minutes! Have we heard of any of these cases? I don’t think that anyone would deny that what happened to Jill is tragic & horrendous however it is entirely valid to question why this case has got so much media attention when we hear little or nothing of other women & children that are victims of violent crimes.
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I’ll just add that I personally don’t believe that the reason for the coverage is purely around female beauty however I do support a person’s right to voice their own opinion & question media coverage as I have done myself in this case.
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We don’t hear about every crime or missing person, but we do hear about some of them. I was in the unfortunate situation of having to be involved in reporting somone missing about 15 years ago, but considering the circumstances, I didn’t expect (or receive) media interest. Jill’s case was different.
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lol, or men.
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There are many factors to consider when questioning why one person’s disappearance is given more air time than another.
When Allison Baden-Clay was reported missing in Brisbane there was a lot of media coverage; as this was a woman who had children at home who was unlikely to just leave town suddenly, without even taking any belongings.
Jill’s disappearance also didn’t seem logical – she was happy and walking home to her husband one minute and gone the next.
I don’t have the statistics but many people reported missing have left of their own accord, and often their disappearance isn’t considered to be as suspicious as Allison or Jill’s were.
I cannot understand the “missing” people who are alive and well but who choose not to tell their families they are okay – but I’m sure each one has their reasons…
Daniel O’Keeffe’s family have proven that – with a lot of persistence and hard work – media attention can be generated to help find missing loved ones. Daniel’s disappearance is not considered to be suspicious though…
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