You see Margaret was single. And in 1973 Australia that simple fact made her ‘unfit’ to be a parent.
The first thing they did was give her medication to dry up her milk. After all, the very last thing the nurses wanted was for Margaret to breastfeed her new baby. To bond with her. To form any type of emotional connection.
That, you see, couldn’t be allowed to happen.
At a time when every new mother needs nurturing and comfort and support, staff at Sydney’s now defunct King George Hospital were anything but. They ummed and ahhed when Margaret asked to see her beautiful, perfect new daughter Abbie, giving a range of excuses as to why they couldn’t bring the newborn into Margaret’s room.
In those hours, days, after giving birth — when new mothers are fragile and hormonal, when all you long to do is kiss and cuddle and simply breathe in the baby you have given birth to – Margaret found herself surrounded by a wall of resistance. Of silence. Disapproval.
You see Margaret was single. And in 1973 Australia that simple fact made her ‘unfit’ to be a parent.
So instead what the staff did when Abbie was born was fill out forms which said Margaret was agreeing to give up her baby for adoption. All they needed was for Margaret to sign her name.
“Just sign here, Margaret,” I imagine they said. “Your little girl can live with a nice family. You’re a single mother. You can’t give her what she needs. Just. Sign. Here.”
But she didn’t sign. Thank God. Margaret was thirty-years-old and somehow had the strength to stand her ground.
Today Abbie is one of my closest and dearest friends.
I’ve heard this story several times over the years – Abbie and I both horrified at the judgement her mother faced. The pressure put on her — even at THIRTY – to give Abbie up. But it’s only been in recent years that I’ve realised the true horror of what unfolded for decades across Australia.
Single mothers being bullied and coerced and lied to. Single mothers having their children taken from them – at times even STOLEN from them – in a way that can only be described as despicable. Like the Stolen Generation, it is a shameful part of Australia’s history.
On Wednesday, Australia took yet another step forward in acknowledging these horrific practices when – following the lead of South Australia and Western Australia - NSW Premier Barry O’Farrell delivered what is being called an historic apology during a joint sitting of Parliament.
NSW Premier Barry O’Farrell
O’Farrell said: ‘The trauma induced by the forced adoption practices in the past has reverberated through the lives of ten of thousands of mothers, and their children who were removed. It’s affected fathers who were never given a say, as well as the families who never knew of the truth of what went on with brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews or grandchildren they lost.
It caused years of pain and grief for many instead of the joy and delight which parenthood might reasonably have been expected to bring. This single, barbaric act – fraying the sacred bond between mother and child – changed lives, and in many cases it destroyed them. We apologise to the mothers who were not asked or listened to. We apologise for making you feel ashamed and unfit to care for your babies. We say sorry for treating you cruelly and insensitively when what you needed and deserved most was care and support.
Minister for Families and Community Services, Pru Goward also spoke of the incalcuable pain the practice caused. Sky News reports:
Minister for Families and Community Services Pru Goward
“It is true that there were thousands of young women in NSW who were persuaded or manipulated to accept that adoption was in the best interest of their child, but there are an unknown number for whom the persuasion became coercion – they are part of this apology,” Ms Goward said.
She said there were women who have told of signing adoption papers under heavy sedation when they didn’t understand what they were doing.
“Others have claimed they were browbeaten over days, or their signatures forged or not even collected. Some have said they were told their babies had died, only to find out years later it was all a lie.
“They are part of this apology,” Ms Goward said.
But the moment that strangled the hearts of everyone listening was when Lyn – a mother whose baby son was stolen from her – stood up to read a poem about the hell she has lived through.
“One thing I need you to know, pain ever-lasting does not show.
Something I will never forget, nor will others, you can bet.
To the outside world there is no sign
But the child you stole was mine.”
You can listen Lyn’s full poem here.
The Federal Government plans to issue a national apology next year.
Comments
74 Comments so far
My story is related, but a little different. I was born in 1970 and my biological mother was 21. She was unmarried and from a very religious (Catholic) family in QLD. They told her in no uncertain terms that she was not to keep the baby and they sent her away to give birth in Adelaide. I was born in a Salvation Army maternity hospital for single mothers. I was adopted at six weeks. For six weeks no one held me the way a mother should, no one soothed me, no one cared for me. Yes I was fed and bathed and housed but I was not loved the way a newborn baby should be loved. My adoptive mother recently told me (I am now 42) that I was medicated for several weeks because I was not behaving the way new babies should behave – I cried constantly and was very distressed. Now, with the Apology in the media and as the mother of a two year old, I am having trouble reconciling how babies in this situation were treated. I am also having a very hard time accepting that I was given away. I met my biological mother when I was 25 and she told me that the pressure came from her family to give me up for adoption. She also told me that no one in her family knew about me (her husband refuses to speak about me) and her two daughters (born shortly after I was) don’t know I exist. This revelation made me feel abandoned and ashamed a second time and I decided not to keep in touch with her. My adoptive life was not so great – my adoptive mother was wonderful but her husband left us when I was one year old and she was forced to go out and work so I was placed in full time day care. Her second marriage was not a success and I didn’t get on with her husband. As a wife and a mother now, my small family is the most important thing to me and when I look at my son (who is the only person I know who looks like me) I am overwhelmed with love for him and for my husband but also with a great sadness that as a baby and a child I always felt different, unwanted and not good enough. I feel so desperately sorry for the mothers who were forced to give up their babies but I also feel for the babies who were given up for adoption (whatever the circumstances) – as an adopted person my first memories were of not being wanted and of not really fitting in.
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In an era when 21 was the age of majority, and often women need a parent to countersign legal documents, adoption papers signed under duress (and often drugs) by women much younger were classed as legally binding documents. What a joke – except for those involved!
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Don’t kid yourselves that this theft of children stopped in the 70s. Read the article in last Saturday’s Good Weekend. Doctors, social workers and state governments are stealing children from their parents because they feed them differently ie no junk and who actively seek solutions to issues such as food intolerance. It would have struck terror into the hearts of many parents I know (through online groups) who followed the Royal Prince Alfred hospital’s elimination program and the Failsafe program which limit additives, flavours, preservatives to help with physical and behavioral issues. My son, now 8, was diagnosed with ADHD, with a specialist recommending immediate medication because he couldn’t focus, socialise, or be a ‘normal’ kid. Instead I changed his diet to foods, washing powders, cleaning products etc recommended by RPA and later, Failsafe. Twenty months later, I have a child who focuses, is attentive an appropriate in behaviour. He is extremely strong and healthy. His eczema cleared up and only reappears when we slip up. He scored in the top 5-10% in the NAPLAN for English components. Most importantly, for the first time ever, he has a cherished best friend – this fact alone makes me cry every time I write this. The Good Weekend story follows parents who sought similar remedies for their children, with proven results, and yet doctors, social workers and govts took away their children because it didn’t fit the expected norm. My son’s teachers have seen the change and are totally supportive. Other people, family included, are not. I am terrified.
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It’s a pity that the adoption practices in Australia today have turned so far from those of the past. Of course it’s for the best that there’s no longer the forced adoptions, but it is sad that there are so few adoptions, particularly when it could be for the best, that the child staying with their birth mother (and possibly father) sets the child up for a difficult upbringing. People who want to adopt have to go through many long years wait, and usually adopt from overseas because it is almost impossible to adopt from Australia.
We need to get the balance right.
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I don’t think you realise what you are saying. Adoption has changed in Australia because research and government enquiries have established what was always known…on the whole, it is wrong and damaging to separate a mother and baby and place the child with strangers. Poverty (here and overseas adoptions), single parenthood, religious stigma, race and the demands of infertile couples are not valid reasons. It is far better for society to support and nurture them. I can underdstand that infertility is traumatic however it does not mean society must supply another woman’s child to solve the problem. There are lifelong repecussions and we must never go back to thinking it is okay. I feel sorry when I see that there is still a lack of undestanding about this. I was forced to give my daughter away in 1970. It has been extremely traumatic for both my daughter and myself. She had a difficult life with unsuitable adoptive parents who divorced so I don’t think you can predict that a child’s life will better by certain standards just because they are taken away from their ‘unsuitable’ parents, it is a lot more complex than that. ‘The Primal Wound’ is a book written by Nancy Verrier about all aspects of adoption. She adopted a child and then went onto have her own. The book gives a unique insight into the difference and difficulies in bonding with the adopted child. From a personal perspective I do not think that the mother who carries ‘her child’ for ten months and goes through labour is given the respect and reverence she deserves when adoption is discussed for the purposes of aquiring a child.
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I do realise what I am saying. In some instances children should not be raised by their birth parents. They can be abused, neglected, in and out of foster care, always being returned to their families to see if it can work out better this time (and it usually doesn’t). In cases like these then it would be better if the children were adopted. All I’m saying is it should still be an option.
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I completely agree Jec! Just because a person is able to have a baby doesn’t make them a good parent!
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Just because a person can’t have a baby doesn’t make them a good parent!
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Adoption applicants are thoroughly checked and trained and anyone who isn’t suitable would not pass this vigorous and sometimes invasive process. Only those who are deemed to be “good parents” would actually adopt a child. Which is much more than anyone who is having a biological child has to do!
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Adoption applicants have to go through a very intensive, thorough and sometimes invasive check and training before they are approved to be adoptive parents. Anyone who is unsuitable and not a “good parent” would never be approved. Which is more than what happens with biological parents, who can have a child whether they would make a “good parent” or not!
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Borogirl, I’m not so sure I’d agree with your blanket statement in this situation. I’m not saying that every adoptive parent is a saint but I think that there are certainly situations where adoptive parents are able to provide a more secure and stable upbringing than a biological parent.
http://www.mamamia.com.au/news/abc-four-corners-growing-up-poor/
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my mother was born to a single mother in germany…in 1944. no one made my granny give up her child. granted it was a struggle raising her but she did it..and even married another man who later adopted my mum. i am horrified to hear that women were being made to give up their children in australia until 1973. horrified…
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I’ve been thinking of this article since I read it yesterday. It has triggered so many thoughts, and strands of thoughts and reflections in my head … a scattered place certainly, but a ponderous and meaningful place …
My mother was a foster child. Her records were burned in the 70′s. She never knew her story. Only had her birth certificate. She was adopted at age 18 (at the date of the last meagre paycheck one presumes). In her thirties she registered to find her mother, her father had killed himself. Her mother was not registered. Therefore, no reunion. Well, til sometime later, when an uknown half sister, registered to find her … (another story … a long story) … stay with me …
So, I’m triggered not just by the forced adoption practices, but by the secretive fostering and adoptive practices. England sent a bunch of their orphanage babies over, to “populate white Australia” telling them their parents were dead or had abandoned them (in many cases this wasn’t true – some even had family visiting them regularly in England) … these children remained in Australian orphanages their entire lives, never knew family … again, another story.
My adoptive aunt (my mother’s adoptive sister) was put in an orphanage at a young age, as her mother, newly single, could not afford to keep her or her siblings … she planned to return. She returned for all three, and found only two, as the State had adopted my aunt out, and records were smudged to mislead them both. (another story)
So … here’s my point …. I’m thinking the issues here are not that we severed these maternal bonds for no good reason, but that we devalue mothers and children almost entirely in and of themselves … and by this I mean … single mothers today are equally stigmatised, equally socially excluded/derided and made the scapegoat for many of life’s ills . How have we improved our practices exactly??? Oh, we allow the mother and child to continue their bond (which is profoundly awesome) but we still exclude them from greater society, facilitate their isolation, disadvantage and skirt over the fact that 50% of them live below the poverty line, and thusly so must their children. It seems, only the women, who by virtue of being judged by their present husbands, as an exception to this devaluation rule, and are protected and cared for, seem to escape the trauma of broken parenting/bonds. I’m just wondering when all mothers and all children will be valued? Why does it seem only women who are attached to a particular and respective man (with an income, one presumes – although, of course there are many couples with kids out there without one), are valued as mothers? I think we really haven’t moved very much … I think Oz is a pretty harsh place to be a mother and a child, if you haven’t got a fella, who thinks you’re an exception to the rule of being dismissed, as well, unnecessary …
I realise I communicate in exclusives … I know there are some fabulous people who value single mothers, and I know not “everyone” scapegoats … i do not mean to generalise … but rather express the frustration, that I sense, and experience, and sympathise about with others, that unless one is doing motherhood “right”, one has somehow broken the rules, and is thusly exempt from any protections human rights contracts may provide …
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Just need to say – single mothers today are not as stigmatised. It is a different world today.
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not true … different but the same
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I agree. My mother raised me by herself with no support from anyone – not my father, not the Government, not her family. I was born in 1980 when she was 24. It was only a few years earlier that she may have been forced to give me up for adoption – and she was certainly encouraged to.
Perhaps more apt would be that teen mothers and/or welfare mothers are still stigmatised.
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I like these forums, for their ability to educate, but I worry, that people’s actual experience can be so easily dismissed by one anecdotal story or personal experience to the contrary … the stigma I speak of is researched, published, academically current … tis kinda sad that it is true, but it is … and maybe welfare mothers and teen mothers are more stigmatised … but then we have to ask why is that? Why do we not value ALL mothers equally? We cannot choose the luck (or misfortune) of our birth. I look at so many opinions on this site that sympathise with all kinds of people because of their misfortunes, but the misfortune of poverty is all too often dismissed or minimised …. just sad … is it ok that our disadvantaged mothers today are stigmatised, but the stigma of last era’s disadvantaged mothers to the degree their children were taken, is horrific? I’m legitimately curious. I see mothers and children suffering together this generation, whereas last generation, they suffered apart. Is it really ok, to say, that not all single mothers are stigmatised, just the welfare/teen single mothers, so that’s ok? Legitimate curiosity …. I didn’t mean teen/welfare single mothers were stigmatised. I meant single mothers. purposely. Most welfare/teen single mothers work their way out of welfare, and age out of adolescence … yet continue to feel the stigma. So, maybe I mean “poor” single mothers are stigmatised, even the working poor … but then no, I don’t mean that, because I know working mothers, middle class, with mortgages, who don’t need to rely on realtors to “pass” them for a lease agreement, who get to keep pets, and who get to stay in the same home for years, who also experience stigma from various aspects of their community. I’m really trying not to conflate stigma with disadvantage … because I experience and witness them as being separate, but linked. I think the two conditions co-create each other. I really do think that if we can cease the stigma, the disadvantage will ease. blessings .. signed an atypical (evidently?), educated, well dressed, well spoken, self-reliant, independent, young … but stigmatised single mother .
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It *seems* that today there are more families with separated parents than there are two parent families…
So whether the mother was single from the birth of her child or she became a single mother when her child was 10 is a lot harder to tell by the wider public/schools/employers and thus harder to stigmatise, in my opinion.
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I know every country has dark aspects to its history but Australia seems to have an abundance of them and recent history too. Stolen Generations, White Australia Policy and now this (among other things). I think a country with this kind of recent history has to take a good look at itself and consider that there is a distinct probability that things are being done right this moment, today, now that will be looked back upon by future generations with the same kind of disgust. Be careful with your attitudes and beliefs Australians. Be wary of your institutions. A leopard doesnt change its spots.
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Also the admission by most state governments to abuse of children while in state care is another big, sad, hidden part of Australian history. My father was made a ward of the state age 12, and went through several years of awful treatment at a boys’ home in Tasmania. It has affected every facet of his life- his relationship with his family is awful, he doens’t really trust anyone but my sister and I, and has issues of social anxiety and depressions. What a shocking history Australia’s institutions have.
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Adopted 1 week. Victoria 1964. Thank God for Gough and courageous people who stood up for mums and defenceless babies. Mother never really recovered from how she was treated so inhumanly.
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I am made to feel bad that I have tried to find my husbands great grandfather to find the correct family name. His Great grandmother was a nurse in Norther NSW or South Qld where she had two sons to a roaming Doctor. She ended up commiting suicide, the boys were separated, names changed and adopted in different states never to see each other again. No records anywhere. As a mother, from a very large family on my side, not so big on my husbands side and we have the only intellectually non verbal autistic child, who we love but it would be great to know a bit more, and just what the ”real” family name is.
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I am one of the ‘stolen’ babies. i was adopted at 3 weeks – my parents were told my mother had willingly relinquished me. this was not the truth, I have had a wonderful life and love me mum and dad and wish for nothing.However I have met my biological mother and she has never gotten over the trauma and pain of having her baby removed. I am 41 – so she has been suffering for 41 years. It’s just so sad. I feel guilty because I’ve had such a great life and hers has been one trauma, mistake after the other.
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Just found out my partner who was born in Newcastle in 1971 was one of those babies whose birth mother was forced to adopt him
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My mother was 18, alone in Melbourne a long way from her family at Christmas (I was born 3 days later). The horrid things written about her by the hostel staff where she stayed for 8 weeks were enough to prove to me that these frightened girls were treated terribly. Instead of compassion and understanding they were treated with disgust and scorn. I understand the social conventions of the time but there was no recognition of the pain, fear and the terrible emotional fragility of these women. Victoria should and must apologise.
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Funny how my mother, a migrant “wog” didn’t go through that at all when she had my sister. They probably didn’t care what the “wogs” did with themselves!
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The Anglican Church in Brisbane has also acknowledger their wrongdoing in this matter and issued a formal and unconditional apology to all those affected. It can be found here
http://www.anglicanbrisbane.org.au/www/node/587
It is terrible what happenned to so many people. I hope that this is some small way helps.
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Strangely though, the men were rarely censored, as if the women were solely responsible for getting pregnant and forced to feel like inferior specimens. The hypocrisy continues still in many fields, it is as if the shift of independance has been minute and men still have the upper hand …. I sound and feel bitter about this, and I’m sure I am not the only woman thinking this.
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i just want to give a reminder that Gough Whitlam, our 21st Prime Minister, a Labor leader , a man who lost his job and position and has been hated by many conservatives ever since, had a big role in helping things change for woman.
He introduced welfare for the homeless and the single mothers pension and this gave many woman the support to be able to stand up and raise their children proudly.
On top of that he introduced Medicare during his leadership….
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A truly great man! Also a great hero of mine! Don’t forget he abolished the white australia policy. I shudder to think where we would be with out him!
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I think we’re heading in that direction now (where we would have been without Whitlam).
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Im so sorry for your mum and your family x
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My family has been touched by this twice. In the 1950′s my nana was a single woman and forced to give up her son Richard. I know the heart ache she has felt since then wondering if he was ok. In my adult years we managed to track down Richard’s records and found that his adoptive parents gave him up around his teen years due to ‘troubled’ behaviour. In the early 1980′s Richard tried to get his adoption records but unfortunately for him and our family, it was before the adoption laws changed and he was unable to obtain any identifying info about his birth mum. A few years after that Richard committed suicide. Heart breaking! This completely shattered my family who all so desperately wanted him and I can only imagine his pain of not feeling wanted.
My father was also given up by forced adoption by a single mother in the ’50′s although I believe his adoptive family was quite good to him.
In both cases, I know that the single mothers were treated very poorly and even endured abuse from medical staff. Absolutely appalling, my heart goes out to everyone affected by forced adoption. I know that our family still feels the repercussions of this today, 60 years later.
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Oh god, what a heart breaking story for your family. My heart goes out to you.
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As the real “Abbie” in this story, I want to say thanks to my dear friend Bec for honouring all the women who went through the pain of forced adoptions, by telling my mother’s story. She died 20 years ago now, but I was so blessed to be her daughter and so lucky to have known her as my mother. I hope this apology by the NSW Govt helps, in some small way, to heal the pain of other mothers, children and their families who have suffered so much more.
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I still can’t quite believe it. And when we used to talk about this story it was YEARS before I realised that what happened to her was part of a bigger practice.
It still shocks me to think about.
Thanks for letting me share it. xxxxxx
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When I heard about this on the news, I thought of you straight away. Am glad Bec wrote such a great article. xx
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This was what got me angry about the whole “Stolen Generation” thing. It wasn’t just indigenous Australian’s who had their children forcibly removed from them – there were thousands and thousands of other mothers who endured the exactly the same thing. Taking any child from their parent for no good reason is a horrific thing to do, and I felt that when it was made to be solely an issue of race, it was a bit of a slap in the face to all the other women who were forced into that position.
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Two entirely different things. One was done because to be an unmarried was considered to be bringing shame not only on yourself but your family and community.
Children were taken from Indigenous families in a concerted effort to bring about the obliteration of the Aboriginal peoples. These were families with two parents, loving kinship ties and their only crime was to have dark skin.
Both crimes are terrible, but to compare the reasoning behind both of them and declare them to be the same is wrong.
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Well it was different don’t you think? Of course both lost their children which is horrendous. However the circumstances were different.
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I hope, Lisa, that you typed this in haste. Because ‘the whole “Stolen Generation” thing’ is really an incredibly offensive way to phrase your argument. Really, I’m offended.
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It is unbelievable to me that this happened so recently. I had my first daughter unmarried at 19 and it is horrifying to think that the same circumstances 25 years earlier would have resulted in her being taken from me. Age and maritial status do not effect the way you feel about your babies. I am so sorry to everyone who experienced this
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My father is a farmer (stay with me- this is related to the post) and has a team of shearers and roustabouts that come to his farm ever year to shear the sheep. A few years ago a new young roustabout turned up with the team and was working in Dad’s shed. Dad couldn’t work out why this new roustabout seemed so familiar. It was something about her laugh and he knew he had heard it somewhere before. Lying in bed one night he realised that her laugh sounded exactly like one of his old friends Jane.
After a lot of subtle detective work my Dad discovered that his old friend had been forced to give a baby up for adoption in the 70′s and nobody, not even her closest friends, knew about it. He also found out that the roustabout had been adopted and I’m not sure how the HELL my father managed to connect all the dots but Dad had found his friends long-lost daughter that she had been forced to adopt. She just wandered into his shearing shed. Dad actually had this all verified and managed to reunite them.
All from a laugh.
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Really not sure how I feel about your father deciding to take matters into his own hands. I’m sure it all turned out okay (obviously, because you are posting this story) but I’m a little disturbed that he could just decide to do this, because he thought it was best. Kinda like lobbing a hand grenade into the middle of two whole families – biological and adopted.
Glad that it all worked out, though I can definitely see why privacy laws are in place today.
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Well, obviously he didn’t just throw them together and go “Hey, yo, is this kid yours?”
The reason he realised that the roustabout was adopted was because she talked of searching for her birth mother. Also, we are talking forced adoption here so Jane didn’t give her up willingly otherwise this would hardly be a relevent story.
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I know this whole topic is very serious, and I feel it, but I couldn’t help but chuckle at “hey, yo, is this kid yours?”
Lol!
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That gave me goosebumps.
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Absolutely beautiful story Neeks.
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Society has changed so much and I’m very thankful for that. My mum was single when she had me in 1971 and thanks to the wonderful support she received from my Grandparents she was able to keep me. Another apology that is very important is to the mothers of stillborn children. My Grandma at 93 still has a heartache for the son she never held, saw or buried although she knows he lived for one night.
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These stories are so important to tell, but I was already crying, and my heart breaking two sentences in. I’ve recently become a mother, and I cannot imagine living if someone took my daughter away, I am still crying for the devastation wreaked on these women.
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Thanks for the article. This should be something that should be taught at school as part of Australian history, not just the old Australian history. It’s great that apologies are finally bring given! That’s something
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I absolutely agree.
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i teach my students about this, at the same time as i teach the stolen generation
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I am truly sorry to hear of the emotional pain that birth mothers have experienced. It was a different world back then and society most definitely did not support women being single parents if they fell pregnant.
As a child who was adopted around that time I have a very different view to what sadly appears to the de rigueur of stories that get media time around adoption.
I love my parents, sister and overall family very much & am very close to them. I have never wished for any other parents/family but them.
Any issues I had growing up were similar to my sister’s (a birth child) issues based on personality dynamics with Mum & Dad.
I have never had any interest in my birth parents, as my view is that Mum & Dad are Mum & Dad ‘for better or worse’ (to borrow from that old marriage cliche), fortunately it’s more of the former.
I have never felt empty, like something is missing. And I have never felt anything but loved. Sometimes not accepted and understood, as I went through my teenage angst years. With both certainly receiving tick marks beside them today as I matured within myself.
I appreciate this post is about birth mothers having their birth children ‘stolen’ from them.
As a birth child, so the other side of the coin, I certainly have had, and am having, a wonderful life due to the love & security provided me by Mum & Dad (& my little big sis) as my foundation for life.
So maybe out of something so awful for the birth mothers can come something incredibly wonderful for the babies they carried and bought into this world?!
Yes they may feel robbed of being a loving mother to the child throughout the passage of time. And I would never doubt the pain they would carry with them (one of my closest girlfriends gave up her child for adoption, so I’ve seen it first hand).
But the child (well this ‘child’) feels enriched, blessed and grateful for the family she did end up with.
I also feel deeply it was meant to be this way.
Yes my birth mother has tried to contact me – illegally, as I was not seeking it – but that’s another story….
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Carosmile, you have expressed my feelings perfectly! I was adopted also, I was two weeks old, and my parents are my parents, I have a loving close extended family, a great brother (also adopted, always get asked if he is my “real” brother….he’s pretty real to me!). I don’t know the circumstances of my birth, and hope that my birth mother didn’t go through such an awful experience. But I am very happy to say my adoption (from my perspective) has been a success, I have never sought out or wanted to meet my birth family (nor they me), as far as I am concerned, I have my family. I thought once I had my own children my feelings may change but if anything, I thought what a gift my birth mother gave, I have a loving family, a great up bringing, I feel very blessed.
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Of course it’s great you had a positive adoption experience. I don’t know if you said ‘I also feel deeply it was meant to be this way’ in reference in your own story or in a wider sense but I felt a bit defensive about it. These things happened and we cannot change them now but was such a traumatic thing really ‘meant to be that way’ ?
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It is great that you had a really positive experience and I’m sure so did many others. However, my half brother was one of the ‘stolen’ children too and his story didn’t turn out quite so perfectly.
Both his adopted parents were alcoholics, they both died really young and he was left unwanted by other relatives. He is over 40 now and still hasn’t recovered…
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What really makes me mad is that while the government was involved, so too where the churches. Where is the apology from them??!
I suppose we’ll be waiting for a cold day in hell before the churches come out with an apology for the following: Stolen generation, clerical abuse of children and the poor treatment of english children in the ’50s, general homophobia among others.
Anyone using the excuse “for the best” should be made to reflect on the amount of pain these people felt and continue to feel.
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The Anglican Church has issues an apology — see the link on my comment above to find it.
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And an apology from the Anglican Church for the sexual abuse can be found here.
http://www.anglicanbrisbane.org.au/www/node/61
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It’s all just so incredibly sad. What a utter despicable thing to have happened, again and again and again.
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I was put up for adoption in 1956. My mother was just 14 when she gave birth to me and the very next day was put on a bus back to Adelaide from where she came. Her mother sent her to Melbourne to a half way house from where she had to work every day for a woman in Canterbury. I found her when I was 36 years old and it was then I found out about the unfair and callous treatment.She told me that she only saw my foot as they whisked me away never to be seen again until 36 years later. In a nutshell, I have suffered feelings of separateness all of my life and have consequently had trouble forming relationships and trust. I feel sad for the mother I never had and I feel sad for the young girl who gave birth in an era of shame.
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Great article Bec. I literally cannot imagine the heartbreak. All power to Margaret under immense pressure at such an emotional time. What a great legacy to give her daughter. To the others affected by these decisions I give my condolences and wonder what apologies our generation will need to offer for the things we do. It’s a lesson in always being mindful about your own convictions and where they stem from. we must be ever vigilent, even with ourselves.
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Oh God, I am 8 1/2 months pregnant… These stories turn me into a blubbering mess! I just can’t believe that these women were my own Mum’s generation. Beyond heartbreaking.
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In 1967 my mother found herself pregnant, she was 21 from a strong Catholic family, she knew that unmarried girls always had their babies taken from them. So she married my father, a man she never loved & stayed married for 15 years, “because that was what you did back then”, this is what she told me when I asked her why…it broke my heart & I felt for my mother in a way I could never have imagined.
Her choice to to give birth to a baby you would never see or a loveless marriage. I thank her for the difficult choice she made & my heart goes out to those women who didnt have that same option.
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This exact thing happened to my Grandmother. She was blamed for forcing her boyfriend, my Grandfather, to sleep with her and endured hours of shouting from their parents. They divorced after just over 20 years.
My beautiful Grandma is one of the strongest women I know and I feel so much sadness thinking about the life she gave up.
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Your mother is amazing!
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Thanks Bec.
This chapter of our history needs to be told.
Could we have something written by some of the women and children involved ?
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I would love that.
Unfortunately Abbie’s mother has passed away. But if there is anyone else out there who would like to write their story, we would be honoured to publish it.
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My wonderful Mother-in-law had her first son taken from her in the 1960′s. Fortunately there is a happy ending to their story – the family has been re-united and my brother-in-law is a very important part of the family.
She has written about her experience, and it is gut-wrenching and beautiful, well worth sharing…
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I think that’d be really great. It would also be interesting to get the adoptive parents story as well. I don’t know what people knew but I imagine it would break your heart if you knew the baby you’ve been raising for years, was stolen from her mother. Pain on all sides.
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My birth mother had this happen to her in 1973. I am a twin and thankfully we were adopted together. My birth mother was sedated and forced to sign us away without knowledge. She had a nursery set up expecting to take her baby home. To make matters worse she didn’t know she was carrying twins back then and found out a few hrs before we were born. She searched for us forever and called the hospital many times but was told we were gone. In fact we were still there until we were 3 months old. My birth mother contacted us when we were 18 at this time the Vito stopping her from contacting us had been lifted. Within 2 weeks of this happening she had contacted us. Within 4 weeks we met her. The pain this woman has endured is indescribable. I met my birth father about 6 months ago and he had no idea about us until a week before our visit…a shock for him. I have a lovely relationship with my birth family and 3 beautiful sisters who are an innocent party in all this. I have had a wonderful life and couldn’t ask for a more loving upbringing and happy life but have always questioned what would be different if things were different if someone had stood up for my birth mother! Cruel and unforgivable! I am a mum now and cannot fathom the kind of distress this has caused all these innocent people let alone the impact this has had on my emotional well being!
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Kerr my adoptive parents adopted us believing they would NEVER have contact with my birth family. That vito was lifted when we turned 18 in 1991. They have struggled immensely with my relationship with my birth mother. They find it hard to believe this happened and I hope the acknowledgement from the govt helps others understand that this was reality!
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We never know what goes through a young mother’s mind. I hope you have found peace and one day your adoptive parents do too.
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