The questions are endless, the judgment is palpable and you’re already too tired for anything beyond: “name?”
A host of users on forum mumsnet have revealed the hilariously bad advice they’ve received as a new parent.
One user shared the rather unusual advice they were given by their mother-in-law on how to encourage independence.
“Don’t cuddle or breastfeed him too much as he needs to get his independence," they said.
Another user was fed the almost common myth that shaving a child's head will promote hair growth.
“That I should shave 9-month old daughter’s head to make her hair grow quicker," they said .
One mum even received a wonderful nugget of wisdom about her own body.
“My midwife told me I would have a high pain threshold because I had dark hair," she said.
The only advice you can really count on is what comes from your own mum. Because you turned out alright... right? Post continues.
Doting but perhaps dopey dads even had an honorable mention after one compared babies to kittens.
"My dad thought baby's eyes didn't open for 6 weeks - you know like kittens!"
Families seemed more than keen to advise and warn against certain practices.
"I got told off for tickling my niece's feet as it would make her stammer," one user said.
Advice wasn't limited to family as strangers proved just as happy to give their two cents.
“[My] 3-month-old son [was] grumpy in the supermarket as was too hot in July heat. 'Give him ice-cubes'. Eh? What’s he going to do with an ice-cube? Apart from choke on it," one user said.
"A health visitor once advised me to give 8 month old DS [son] 'crumble and custard' as he needed the calories to help him sleep through," another said.
The advice even took a cultural turn to share some unusual customs.
“In Romania, old people advise not to take baby out in the dark or keep windows open at night if baby hasn’t been christened so spirits don’t come to visit," one user said.
Windows shut. Ice-cubes in. Mm. Maybe not.