Men are charming. Actually, more than we give them credit for.
Sometimes, it’s easy to even start a relationship without opening our eyes to their bad side, but instead idealising them and considering ourselves lucky.
But the issues won’t go away just because we’re in love. They will grow bigger and come out when we least expect them. This means guaranteed arguments in the future, a big chance for a breakup, negative emotions when having to talk about this and deal with it, and much more.
What to do then? See who your partner is right now, before things have escalated and before your love becomes bigger than your sense of control.
For example, there’s a high possibility that you might be sleeping with a narcissist. These people rarely change, because the very first step to transformation is saying out loud that there’s something that must be changed. And their ego just doesn’t allow this to happen.
Having a narcissist in your life isn’t something you signed up for. It’s not going to be easy. You’ll always be the less important one in your relationship, you’ll constantly need to remind him of how great he is, and he’ll never really show his real feelings as this means being vulnerable, which equals weakness for such people.
You’ll probably never receive the affection you deserve, will always wonder whether he’ll change, whether he’ll notice you, and might lower your opinion of yourself as a result.
Almost every narcissist has the exact same traits, so if you’re aware of these, it’s easy to recognise him and put some limits before a relationship has begun.
Top Comments
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I dated one for 2.5years and honestly, thinking back cannot believe now what I went through and put up with
I ended up a shell of a person, I had no idea what I wanted, what I liked and had nothing left to give anyone
It's been over for years thankfully and I have never actually told anyone the extent of how bad things got because it's so ridiculous & crazy I know no one would believe me! People have asked questions and I can see the doubt in their eyes when I explain even the most basic of the manipulation & abuse that I endured
The scariest part is... To this day he is still the most charming and charismatic person I have ever met... That's the biggest red flag that I believe was missed from this list - they are INCREDIBLY charming and charismatic but the MOMENT someone disagrees with or disobeys them you will see a side of them you never knew could exist but you only really recognise it when it's directed at you because they are master manipulators when it comes to forming your opinions on others who have slighted them.
Also there is a BIG difference between a full blown narcissist and someone who has narcissistic traits.
Keep your eyes wide open!!!
I was married to a Narcissist for 17 years. I didn't know it at the time while we were dating. I just always thought things were a little off and that every couple has arguments. If I only followed my guts and red flags along time ago, then maybe he wouldn't have broken my spirit down so much that I let myself accept his bad choices as my fault. Now, 2 kids later, his many affairs, and one of them resulting in having a child on the side, I took a big leap of faith and divorced him. I am now on the road to healing and recovery from his abuse. It has been 9 months since I left and I can say that life is really getting better for me. Slowly but surely.
You are a very brave woman Lynn - congratulations for doing the best for you and your children.
All the best for the future :)
Thank you.