What’s the first thing you notice about someone?
The way they walk?
How their pleated rose gold skirt swishes?
For me it has become eyebrows.
Or as the French say, les sourcils — because it sounds better if I’m talking about les sourcils.
But here I go. Apologies in advance.
In real life, online and on any screen I can get my hands on I can't shake the distinct feeling that so many women have the same eyebrows.
So sculpted. So defined, with edges so sharp you could build a house - that's just silly, a townhouse - on them. So perfectly arched. So tattooed. So hairless. So... so... exact.
It's like everyone has the same set of cartoon eyebrows and they have just stencilled them on with brown Niko pen.
I can't believe I'm even thinking so much about
eyebrows les sourcils but I can no longer unsee.
I see eyebrows.
Scroll through Instagram and there is a lovely woman cooking. All I see are her eyebrows. Another is exercising. Eyebrows. Oh, and there are eyebrows meditating.
There are the same eyebrows at Fashion Week and having an Aperol spritz at the bar stool next to me and on school pick up and throwing a napkin at another woman on reality TV (reality TV has absolutely no eyebrow diversity. Typical).
Eyebrows are in the midst of a coup d'etat on the face. And even though that's French, it doesn't sound good. Imagine how the eyes are feeling.
You can now permanently tattoo on full eyebrows or part eyebrows (where your eyebrow isn't thick enough or the wrong shape).
You can thread and wax and tint. There are eyebrow kits with three, four, 512 different products just for trimming, defining, glueing, colouring in.
The truth about preventative botox. Post continues below.
Youtube "makeup experts" routinely take 45 minutes just to do their eyebrows. Eyebrow classes are among the most popular makeup tutorials on Youtube. More people have watched someone talk about their eyebrows than voted in the US election.
Is there a correlation between eyebrow worship and the rise of Donald Trump? Any thinking person would have to say, YES.
Obviously a woman can do whatever she wants with her own body and brows are just those crazy worm things on your forehead designed to catch dirt, sweat and other flotsam and jetsam to protect your eyes.
But I, for one, want to stop seeing eyebrows before I see a person. It's getting weird.