Dear Cheeky Denim Shorts,
We’ve got a bone to pick with you. When I say “we’ve,” I of course mean the women of Australia, the sisterhood – those of us who thoroughly enjoy a bottle of wine and buying Wendy’s Flake Shakes when we go grocery shopping on a Saturday.
And when I say “bone”, I of course mean a juicy chicken drumstick.
Our reason is pretty simple: we don’t like you.
We don’t like how short you are or how you flash us with a variety of behinds when we’ve just eaten our breakfast.
We don’t like how you’re really masquerading as denim nappies, and frankly, we don’t like how you come with a ‘MANDATORY BOXGAP‘ clause because I like eating brownies and don’t have one of those.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m not that jealous troll, stuffing my face with iced donuts, secretly wishing I could wear you and accusing others they’re too skinny. I’m a healthy size 8-10, have a very balanced diet and frequent the gym more than I’d like to.
I also love shorts more than anyone on this planet. Sequined, printed, denim, coloured, leather, linen – you name it, I own it. But the problem here lies within the cheeks.
What happened to the days where a good pair of denim shorts didn’t come with a nudity warning? When legs were left to frolic without the worry that everyone now knows you’re wearing blue knickers today. Or worse off, none at all. It was a simpler time then. Petrol was $1.40 per litre and we were eagerly awaiting the first installment of the Hunger Games. And we enjoyed wearing our cut-offs with just a little less cut off.
Is this what the world is now? A parade of booties? Because if so, I’m not sure that’s not a world I want to live in.
Sisterhood, if you’re ready to go back to the good old days, when hems reigned supreme and you didn’t have to worry about your shorts giving you a wedgie, check these out. Denim shorts in OTHER styles! With more fabric! That are actually cool! Here are my picks:
1. Cheap Monday Thrift Shorts Mid Range, $70.
2. Country Road denim short, $79.95.
3. Mink Pink Groupie cutoff denim in white, $69.95.
4. Witchery Distress Denim short $69.95.
5. Cotton On Co Folk repaired shorts $39.95.
6. Maison Scotch patch denim short, $118.
Alyce Cowell is a blogger, stylist and writer who lives in Melbourne and likes going out for breakfast and Googling pictures of The Olsens for days at a time. As the Westfield Insider, she shops and blogs for a living and gets to go on TV sometimes. You can check out Alyce’s blogs at blog.westfield.com.au and www.theinfluenceronline.com. You can follow Alyce on Instagram @alycealyce.
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