We’ve all got a type. Even if you think you don’t have a type, you’ve got a type.
For some it’s blonde guys. Or the ones that abide by the old treat ’em mean, keep ’em keen train of thought (if this one is you, please for the love of god, read on. You need help.)
It might be 6 foot tall accountants who take their coffee with three sugars. For others, it’s as simple as the girls who make them laugh.
Or, and be honest now, is your type pretty much anyone who likes you back? Because that’s okay. Really.
But you know what’s not okay? When you keep going for the same type, and they keep on breaking your heart. You poor, masochistic petal…
We have a new podcast at Mamamia and it’s all about these sorts of problems.
The dramas your friends are sick of hearing about and the dirty little conundrums that you’re too shy to own up to. Stepping into the podcast studio to answer your relationship and dating dilemmas are Osher Gunsberg and psychologist Leanne Hall. Who could be better to deal with matters of the heart than the Bachy host extraordinaire himself?
Our first caller off the bat Jess called in to admit that, yes, she’s got a type. And this one’s a doozy.
The 26-year-old admits to being a ‘repeat offender.’
“I date the same type of guy over and over” she tells Osher and Leanne.
“It’s always the confident wanker who ends up being such a dick. How can I break the cycle?” she asks.
These guys sound like the worst. We know these guys. We’ve BEEN WITH these guys. Now let’s hear what the experts have to say.
“This is a cliche, but when you figure out you’re dating a type you have to be a bit introspective and say, ‘what is it about me, what signals am I putting out to attract these kids of guys?'” Leanne says.
“When you look at relationships we’ve got to look at our role models. What were the experiences and relationships growing up with our parents and other relationships that we see around us – that usually forms a foundation and an expectation around relationships”
Leanne says Jess should be looking at what she sees as a healthy, normal relationship.
“If you’re dating guys who don’t treat you very well, I think that says a lot about how poor Jess feels about herself. Does she think she deserves someone who’s going to treat her with respect?”
“She seems to be actively playing a role in it, she is going after them,” Osher adds.
“It starts out wonderful, doesn’t it?” says Leanne.
“These guys are really charismatic, confident guys and that is attractive.”
But Osher has had first hand experience with dating a type, and fortunately for Jess, he’s willing to share how he escaped the pattern.
“I used to date a lot of girls who were kind of crazy,” admits Osher.
Umm, warning bells…
“Clearly my idea of what I needed wasn’t working… The three people I’ve really fallen in love with were all set ups. Because my picker is WAY off. What I thought I wanted was not what I needed.”
“With Audrey it felt strange but I had to stick with it,” he says about his new wife.
So what should Jess do to find herself an Audrey? Please love oracles, tell us you have the answer!
“Ask the people closest to you to help you meet someone. Go on a couple of dates,” advises Osher.
Ah yes, that’s sensible. Who knows us better than our friends and family?
And Leanne’s homework for Jess? Have a think about what she wants.
“Think about the top five traits are of someone that might be the best match for her. Get a best friend to do the same and compare notes, see if they match. I bet they don’t!”
Good luck Jess, may the love odds be ever in your favour!
For more questions about matters of the heart, listen to the full episode of Love Life below.
You can buy any book mentioned on our podcasts from iBooks at apple.co/mamamia, where you can also subscribe to all our other shows in one place.