We don’t mean to alarm you, but there is now such a thing as PENIS GLUE and we are absolutely freaking out.
And while we truly do wish this was all some horrific joke (considering some guy tried to make a vagina glue a thing earlier this year), we’re pretty sure it’s not.
The new product – named Jiftip – is described as a “feel shield” and works just like a “specialty skin bandage” to form a seal over the tip of a man’s urethra.
It’s been designed as an alternative to condoms, promising “real sex without side effects”.
We think they mean no babies. Babies are a side effect of sex, you guys, and a sticker on your peen a day keeps them away, apparently.
(Or, as the product’s website so eloquently puts it, “Jiftip… will send a few eager baby-seeds back to their room”. Delightful, just delightful.)
The sausage sticker claims there is a disappointing 'catch-22' for men when it comes to having sex: using a condom makes them "feel safe, nothing else" and using no protection let's them "feel everything, except safe".
Poor things. The struggle is real.
But here's the thing: despite claiming that by using the product "nothing gets in or out", the fine print on the site's FAQ section says that official testing of the product is still several years away and states Jiftip only really protects "pleasure".
Apparently, it's "not intended or approved to prevent pregnancy or STI's".
We...we don't get it.
Telling someone they can have sex while "slamming the door on foreign invaders" sounds a lot like a claim that one is being protected from STD's, right?
And could "sending baby-seeds back to their room" not be roughly translated to "no sperms coming out, boys"?
Some of the brand's testimonials online even allude to couples using the Jiftip as an alternative to more traditional contraception methods.
My partner and I can't use condoms and the pill messed up my body, hair fell out. @jiftip has no side-effects." - happy beta user
— Jiftip (@jiftip) August 1, 2017
There's also the problematic issue that the brand claims that "real sex" can only exist when no physical contraception is involved.
That's just... no.
Many a fun sex session has been had while being safe, I'm sure.
When all is said and done, I would feel much safer using a form of contraception that, a) is scientifically tested and proven and b) doesn't involve my partner having to rip an adhesive off the tip of his penis afterwards.
And while yes, ensuring I don't fall pregnant has involved a doctor forcing open my cervix with a metal rod, I'd much prefer that over a literal Band-Aid solution.
LISTEN: Are condoms the perfect 13th birthday present for your son?