There’s a lot I wish I had been told about sex. Like the benefits of masturbation, why cling film is not an effective contraception method, and about the truly alarming sounds your body can make at the most awkward times.
These are the gems I’ve eventually learnt after 10 or so years of sexual activity, oversharing seshes with friends, a Masters in Sexual Health and working in Health Promotion at various reproductive and sexual health organisations. I’ve managed to acquire this kind of knowledge and experience despite the best efforts of my early sex education to keep it hidden from me.
In year 10, my male PDHPE teacher could barely say the word ‘menstruation’ without choking on his own awkwardness, let alone arm me with the knowledge I needed to lead a fulfilling, healthy and safe sex life. Nevertheless, I listened intently, hoping to find some relevant pearls of wisdom which would help me navigate the awful teenage years. My friends and I desperately hoped that dry rants about the whole egg/sperm scenario would make way for the seemingly more pressing issues of how to make a boy like you, how to actually have sex, and whether your vagina looked ‘normal’ or not.
We had limited access to the internet, so Dr Google was unavailable to help with our body and sex questions. I resorted to texting friends on my Nokia brick at all hours of the night, or carefully calculating an opportune time to sneak into the lounge room and rifle through my parents’ encyclopaedia collection for any information which might help.
Messages about STIs and the importance of using condoms were delivered through tedious lectures that warned us to steer clear of even thinking about touching another person’s genitals, let alone putting them in our mouths or hoo-haas. The scare tactics obviously didn’t work, as the grinding, pashing and messy fumblings witnessed at weekend parties attested to. Though if the stats are anything to go by, this is when all that transmission was going down (so to speak). In my formative years, between 2002 and 2011, Australia’s chlamydia rates jumped from 24,000 to a whopping 80,000, with young women among the most effected populations*. A lack of information and an abundance of confusion ushered us into an age of chlamydia chaos, and now it’s time to make sure that the next generation are better prepared.
Even though young people today have far better resources than a dusty old Encyclopedia Britannica at their fingertips, it’s a case of information overload. We still turn off messages that are delivered in awkward ways, that make us feel uncomfortable or scared, or guilty. The shame that surrounds sexually transmissible infections is still rife, and young people still face a mountain of confusion when it comes to safe sex.
So what are my top safe sex tips for the whippersnappers?
1. Wrap your banana, or your partner’s banana! Always. Wearing a condom doesn’t feel good, he says? Neither does herpes, promise.
2. If you have had unprotected sex, you need to get tested. It’s totally not as scary as you think it’s going to be. Drop in to your nearest Family Planning NSW clinic or your local GP. There is honestly nothing our doctors and nurses haven’t seen, they are unshockable. It’s also totally confidential, so your parents do not have to know.
3. If it turns out you do have an STI, chances are, it’s totally treatable. Make sure you notify your current and former sexual partners – this is not negotiable. There are even services that allow you to do this completely anonymously. Technology win!
It’s up to parents, siblings, friends and organisations like Family Planning NSW to deliver safe sex information that’s free from all that doom and gloom – young people want honest, frank information that gives them the tools to make empowered decisions. Family Planning NSW are getting the word out about condom use in a new campaign that aims to get people sharing information themselves. To enter, Instagram users must upload their photo of a dressed or decorated banana, with the hashtag #WrapYourBanana – because what would sexual health be without a bit of giggling?
* Family Planning NSW, Reproductive and sexual health in Australia. Ashfield, Sydney: FPNSW, 2013.
Giverny Lewis is a Health Promotion Officer at Family Planning NSW. She has been working in the field of reproductive and sexual health for five years and is a regular ‘sexpert’ contributor for Cosmopolitan magazine.
Family Planning NSW is the state’s leading provider of reproductive and sexual health.
To enter the #WrapYourBanana competition, upload your picture of a dressed, decorated or wrapped banana to Instagram, with the hashtag #WrapYourBanana, then follow @familyplanningnsw and you’ll enter the draw to win an iPad 2 or a $200 JB Hifi voucher. Competition closes Monday 16th June. More info at www.fpnsw.org.au/wrapyourbanana
Family Planning NSW Talkline provides contraceptive, reproductive and sexual health information and referral – call 1300 658 886
Get involved in the #WrapYourBanana to spread the word about the importance of protection.
Top Comments
Is that the advice you would give? Seriously? That indicates to me that parents should be really responsible for telling kids about sex because neither school nor Family Planning experts seem well placed to give their children a wholistic view of sex.
My advice would not be popular but I don't care about popularity when it comes to my family and children:
1. Let me take you through the Billings Method. Even if you don't use it as a method to space out your children, it will make you fully aware of what your body is doing, and that awareness is very empowering. Many environmentally conscious women are seeing this knowledge as part of wholistic awareness of womanhood and a natural alternative to pumping your body full of artificial hormones.
2. Studies prove that women determine when sex happens, not men. Women are 80% successful at predicting when they will have sex for the first time, men are successful 20% of the time. So for my daughter, you are obviously in control. Don't let a guy pressure you, get to know a guys personality and don't have sex with anyone you would not want to spend your life with raising a family. For my son, you aren't in control, so spend your time getting to know the women in your life, not pressuring them to conform to your timeframe. Look for someone who makes you laugh and you make them laugh. And don't have sex with anyone you can't see raising a family with.
3. Most people agree that you should not "do to others what you wouldn't want done to you". Some people view sex as just fun but it is more than that, it is mixed up with emotions and dreams of a future life. Don't let the current view of sex in society turn you into an arsehole. It is always about you and the other person. If you think it is just about you, you are going to damage people.
4. Marriage is meant to be for life. I know people don't believe that any more, which makes navigating relationships hard. You don't go into marriage to get rid of loneliness, although that is what happens. You get married to love and serve your family - your wife and children. You will put your kids through hell if you can't go the distance. So think really really hard BEFORE entering a relationship. It is the best time to do it, and society wants to tell you not to worry about such things, just have fun.
5. If you are going to have sex before marriage, be responsible (let me count the ways). Life has a way of happening. This world we have creates life in abundance and that is a really good thing. So don't be surprised if it happens to you even while trying to stop it. Choose life.
6. If you fall pregnant, what are you going to do? (cue a long discussion about what a human embryo actually is). How would you feel if you had to make that choice? Lets discuss this hypothetically before you have to make a real choice like that. A stable happy marriage with a mum and a dad is the most nurturing place for a child. I can't tell you how anxious it made me when my parents even joked about divorcing. I will never let that happen to you and you should think about that for your children.
6. If you have sex with only one partner, and they do the same you will not have to be afraid of sexually transmitted diseases. See, it worked for your mother and father. When you have sex with multiple people, you bring those memories into your marriage relationship. Most people today say that sowing wild oats is a good thing, but your father and mother are very happy that they have only ever known each other. We regret nothing. In fact, we feel blessed.
Well, I agree with you about the Billings method; when used in reverse, it's great for conception. Otherwise, do you know what they call people who use the Billings method for contraception? Parents.
That person has to be a troll right?!
Guess so... according to her #2, there are no rapes on her home planet? Or does she mean girls are better at reading tarot cards...I can't make head nor tail of it.