My sister told me that doing the invite list would be the hardest thing about the whole wedding process. It pains me to say she was right, but the girl is bang on. To all those engaged: The list is brutal. Beware the list.
One argument continues to rage in my household: If a friend wants to bring a plus one, but you haven’t met them, do you HAVE to invite them?
Here’s the thing – I’m no Meghan Markle. I’m not choosing which tiara to wear and looking at a guest list of hundreds. I’d like to NOT be in debt for the first five years of my marriage because I’ve invited every man and their dog to this day. I’d love to celebrate with family and friends… and strangers don’t really make the cut.
If we haven’t met them, we don’t have a relationship with them. I can’t have a random take the place of a friend or a family member.
So, my decision was: Sorry, no plus ones if we haven’t met.
Not going to lie, this has caused some major tension between my fiancé and I. He reminds me, constantly, that the first real date we went on was to his best friend’s wedding – who, at the time, was a stranger to me. Years later, he will be the best man at my wedding.
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Needless to say, he thinks I’m the wicked witch of the west and says not inviting a ‘plus one’ for friends is outright rude. It’s something others have offered to us in the past and we’ve attended. He wants everyone to feel included and comfortable on the day. Which is lovely. But I’m just looking at the budget. We can’t afford EVERYBODY!
I can feel my blood pressure rising just writing about this. Maybe I am a bridezilla?
I shared my conundrum on Facebook. Talk about opening a can of wedding worms.
Commenter Simone told me she had “lost two friends who demanded I invite their new partners”. She said she felt so bad in the lead up she tried to compromise. “I said I couldn’t afford all of them at the reception, but all were welcome at the ceremony. I even went as far as having the cake cut after the ceremony so those who couldn’t come to the reception felt included. Nope! It wasn’t good enough for them.”
Cheryl said, “When my brother got married I was not allowed to take my partner, so I didn’t go at all.”
Phwoar. Who knew this was such a hot button?
Tamara thought “perhaps it depends on how long they’ve been together?” Which is a good point. If we think they’re a keeper. should they be allowed in the fold?
Georgina was adamant: “No. If you’re saying nice to meet you on your wedding day then, NO.”
Tania was surprised it was even a question for us. "Of course you should invite them, it's respect for your friend."
What do you think? If you don’t know a friend’s partner, do they have to be invited to your wedding?
Kristen Henry is one half of the Kristen and Wilko show on MIX 106.3 Canberra. Follow her adventures at channelk.com.au. Find Kristen on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram.
Top Comments
I really feel like people have lost sight of what weddings are all about these days. A wedding is a one-off celebration of people committing the rest of their lives together. It gets taken too far by both brides/grooms and wedding guests. It is ONE day in the grand scheme of the rest of your life. In fact, the more expectations and sacrifices (of relationships) you put on your wedding day, the more pressure you are putting on the rest of your married life to live up to that "perfect" standard. A few tips:
- it is not worth going into debt over (for the couple or their guests).
- it is not worth losing relationships over (especially close family or friends).
In this case, the wedding is about seeing your friends get married. It is not about having yours and your partners entertainment paid for for the weekend. If you can go out to dinner, etc, without your partner always on your arm, surely you can attend a wedding without them also. (And if you cant go anywhere without your partner, then you need to take a look at yourself). If you think that your friend should go into debt to pay for you and your partner to have a free date night, then you are not a good friend. Sure, it would be rude to not invite a friend's partner simply because you dont like them, and you're using your wedding day to make a statement. But this woman has made it clear that she is worried about the budget, which is a very objective and valid reason.
It's pretty simple, weddings are about love and the coming together of two people. Out of your guest list, how many "fresh" plus ones are there really??? 1, maybe 2? Don't get upset, embrace their attempt at trying to get to where you guys are at. If someone is dating someone, never not invite the partner, even if it happens in the month leading up to the wedding. Don't worry about something so minor in the scheme of things.