by JULIA ALEXANDER
Michael Jackson is Nicole Ritchie’s. Brad and Angelina chose U2’s Bono for the twins. Beyonce chose Oprah, (reportedly to Gwyneth’s disappointment). Elton is to Brooklyn Bekcham what Lady Gaga is to Elton’s son (and totally random fact: Jamie Lee Curtis is Jake Gyllenhal’s).
What is the new game of Celebrity Trivia we’re playing? Its called Guess the God parents, and its all about that important but impossible to define role even Posh and Beyonce agonise over who to choose for their off-spring.
I have recently been in the fortunate position of choosing God parents for my son from a pool of equally fabulous but slightly (entirely) less famous friends. Just like most girls have fun considering who their bridesmaids will be prior to becoming engaged, my husband and I had fun mooting names and options of potential candidates while I was pregnant. “Well, such-and-such is a definite, she’s my BEST FRIEND”. “Well, if we have such-and-such, then don’t we also have to have so and so?”.
Suddenly we were “ranking” our friends then pairing them as appropriate God father/mother matches with the same intensity that some families use when arranging marriages. Our discussions ranged from light hearted to quite serious. Who would be the fun one that baby could go to to get in or out of trouble? Who would happily play for hours with him at birthday parties but also still be around by the time of his grade-ten confirmation? Is there anyone we would want to raise him if anything every happened to us?
After some serious deliberation and semi-serious confrontation, we had to stop and take stock. Was this conversation even relevant? With the plethora of helpful and loving grandparents around there’s no chance our children would live with anyone but family. Fun-loving childless friends usually only end up fostering children in rom coms after all, not “real life”.
We weren’t even choosing who would pick the tike up and take him to Church every Sunday in his finest. Given the decrease in time the average Australian spends observing their own spirituality, it seems unlikely that the modern God parent is obliged to sponsor a child’s Christian education. Although I myself have the privilege of being God mother to some gorgeous children, I can’t say I have spent much time fostering their religious observance other than trying to given them really cool presents on Christian holidays (so on this note I think Beyonce, as always, made an exceptional choice for Blue Ivy’s God mother in Oprah…. ).
So what then is the significance of a God parent? Is it an important addition to a child’s life, or is it a role about as relevant (but decorative) as the Governor General – you know, a nice title to wear around in return for dressing up and posing at important events in the little one’s life?
Like any modern interpretation of traditions such as marriages, families and education, God parents can take many shapes and forms. From best friends, to grandparents to even nominating God himself, the options are endless in terms of gender, quantity and relationship. Just as Miranda took a red pen to the wording of her son’s Baptism in Sex and the City, Churches these days seem quite flexible in return for the patronage and hope of more bums on seats on Sundays.
Personally we decided not to ask relatives to be God parents as they already have an important role in the child’s life – being “fun Aunty” or “Crazy Uncle” has just as much kudos and bragging rights.
Instead, we decided on special friends of ours who we know will “go the distance” and who each have unique talents and characteristics we hope they can impart on our sons’ live. And if the unthinkable were, however, to occur…there’s a cracker movie-in-the-making starring a hard-partying dentist, nomadic actor, property developer and the 30 year old version of Maggie Beer.
Julie Alexander is a former lawyer, stay at home mum, documentary producer and wannabe Alpha Wife
What is the criteria for choosing a god parent? Do responsibility and spirituality even matter or is it just a case of choosing your BFFS to stand next to you in Church?
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Top Comments
My brother and I (Christened but now not religious) have three godparents each. They are a combination of people my parents felt obliged to ask, asked as a gesture, people they really wanted because they'd be a good influence on us, etc. My brother kind of lucked out in the long run but I have a good relationship with both my godmothers (my one godfather passed away). They have always been acknowledged as a level above regular family friends; they were top of the list for the table at my debutante ball and things like that, and they make an effort to be there for milestones like my 18th and 21st (not married yet!)
I like ballet and so does one of my godmothers, so my mum always says "If you want to go and see a ballet, speak to your godmother" because she doesn't want to go - it's nice to have another adult you can ask to take you places! My other godmother lives interstate and when I visit she introduces me to people as her goddaughter, which is nice. I feel like I have more of an honorary place in her home than I do in other family friends' or even most non-close relatives' homes (she's my Dad's second cousin).
It's almost like having extra uncles and aunties, but they're just yours and they take their role more seriously because it's something they were asked to do, not a by-product of biology or marriage. Two of my brother's godparents are also an uncle and an aunty, and it seems like his relationship with them is no different than any other uncle and aunty. I definitely feel like the lucky one and he drew the short straw. But then again his third godparent is my Dad's childhood best friend, who we've lost touch with, so you can never really know how things will pan out when you choose them.
My toddler cousin has atheist parents and was given "guardians" at her "naming ceremony." This is what I intend to do for my children. From my and my brother's experiences I will be pushing for friends rather than relatives. Asking uncles and aunties seems like short-changing the child by doubling up rather than introducing someone else into their circle - but that's just my experience, your mileage may vary.
I was recently asked to be the Godmother of a friend's daughter, whom I absolutely adore and hope to spoil rotten and generally support her however I can as she grows up. However, as a total atheist, the whole baptism thing (hers I mean) was a bit uncomfortable... It would not bother me in the slightest if she grew up to be religious but I felt I was in an odd position because even if I wanted to (and I don't) be responsible for her spiritual upbringing I don't think I could - I would be insincere and I don't know a huge amount about the faith. However I figure since my friend knows full well I'm an atheist (and weirdly, as far as I know she is too) then I figure she's happy with that. But this article did get me thinking - I hope I did the right thing in accepting!