Some of the oldest Australians have shared what it’s like to outlive all their friends and family and watch their mates die.
A group of centenarians appeared on this week’s episode of ABC’s You Can’t Ask that and answered curly questions, from whether they’re dating to what’s the most remarkable thing that happened to them in more than 100 years of life.
But by far the most affecting question was, “What’s it like to watch all your friends die?”
Listen: Sometimes, it’s beneficial to structure our grief.
The older Australians spoke of the loneliness and heartbreak that comes with a century of life.
Anne Bernstein, 100, said though members of her family had died decades ago, she still mourned them.
“I still grieve for my brother. I still grieve for mum and dad. And it’s (been) 40 years, so you don’t forget.”
She shared that it was still hard to watch friends die.
“Just this week a very good friend went to sleep. She didn’t wake up. And her daughter was so wonderful.”
“She put her arms around me ‘Anne I knew you would be here darling.’ I said, ‘Well, Esther was like one of my own family’.
“When I got to my own room I had a good cry.”
Unsurprisingly, it was the loss of their spouses that caused the most heartache.
"I still love my wife," shared Lindsay Boyd, 100, through tears. "I see her where she was cremated, quite regularly. I might go there and shed a few tears."
"I miss the one who made the most trouble, my first husband," shared 102-year-old former dancer Eileen Kramer. "My second husband never made any trouble at all. We had a very blissful nine years together and I wish he hasn't died."
The group all admitted to feeling lonely and when asked how they made it to be 100 or older, they let viewers know they mostly weren't sure.
Others offered up their lifestyle habits, such as not smoking and drinking moderately.
"I didn't chase girls," said Dexter Kruger, 106.
Asked when they last had sex, Alf Jarvis, 102, said six months ago and his, ahem, appendage "broke down".
"It was alright one minute and then the next day was like a damp cloth," he said.
However, it had been a lot longer for others, with one man last having sex four years ago and another not since his wife died in 1989.
Irene O'Shea said her husband died in 1953 and implied she hadn't had sex since then.
"I was 37. I had too much to do to miss it. I had two children to bring up so I had no time to miss it."
And as for whether "kids these days have it easier" than they did growing up? A resounding yes.
You can watch You Can't Ask That on iView.
Top Comments
This was the most profound 30 minutes of tv I've ever seen. I felt through these wise, gracious 100+ers that they were sharing those words of their peers who didn't get a chance to speak. They represented their generation so magnificently and for 30 glorious minutes I felt like my own grandparents were talking to me. Lindsey particularly touched my heart - what a good good man.
I cried all the way through it, it was that brilliant.
Another great episode, I'd say this is probably one of my favourite TV shows.
Agreed - it's a fantastic show. I thought the one they did on war veterans was devastating.
I reckon I've probably teared up at some point during every episode - but a few had me laughing too. I particularly loved the young boy (Jesse?) on the one about growing up with gay parents. The question was "who wears the pants in your family", his reply was something like "Well, [one mum] usually wears trousers, but [other mum] mostly wears skirts." It was just such an innocent response, it really gave me a giggle.
Totally agree, that episode was also a highlight. I thought I was pro gay marriage before this episode but after seeing this I was fist pumping, let's get it done now! ( I don't know what our politicians are scared of) but if they can't then let's bring on the referendum so we can smash down this last human rights barrier - love is love.