How would you deal with it if your husband told you that he no longer found you attractive?
Look at this family (above). The mum in this picture, Stacey Hammond-Moore, told her story this week about she “let herself go” after becoming a mum. “I was too ashamed to take my children swimming because I was worried about what I would look like in a bathing suit,” she confessed to the Mirror. “I was concerned that if I took the kids to a theme park, I would get stuck on the rides.”
However it wasn’t until her husband Jonathon, 31, said something that was incredibly cruel that she decided to do something about her weight. He told her she was “too fat to find attractive”. Stacey, 25, was heartbroken.
I felt upset because I didn’t want to lose him. I was worried that he was going to start looking elsewhere. I was not happy at the time but now I look back and know it was a case of being cruel to be kind.
By that stage her weight had crept up to 95 kilos. So the young mother-of-two decided to try and slim down and ended up losing 30, now weighing in at a slim 66 kilos.
"I love my new figure. I've transformed myself to the point where people don't recognise me," she said.
Jonathon explained that it wasn't just her weight that was the issue. He says Stacey was happy and confident when they first met and that was what he missed the most.
Do we owe it to our partners to stay attractive? It seems unkind or unfair, but the reality is that attraction is integral to a successful relationship.
And it's not just about weight. It's about making an effort with our appearance for the sake of our relationship, whether it be men scrubbing up for their partners or women putting on a bit of make-up.
Is it so wrong to want to be attractive to our partners?
The thing to keep in mind is that attraction isn't love. Just because we may no longer find ourselves attracted to each other at some stage in our relationship, doesn't mean we don't love each other anymore. That's a completely different issue. What we need to keep in mind is that it is important to put some effort into being appealing to our partners, and that includes everything from basic hygiene to looking after our appearance.
I've always known that attraction is important in my relationship and that while my husband is happy to come home to me on days when I haven't found time to have a shower, he's also happy to come home and see me all dressed up. And I do find myself primping myself most days just before he gets home.
He too is trying to keep himself fit. He's put on a bit of weight recently and he exercises not just for his health, but so we can keep the spark alive in our relationship.
To those people who say that love should be unconditional and that looks don't matter, I say that is completely unrealistic and naive. Of course attraction matters. And making an effort to look good for each other is as important 16 years down the track as it is in those first few, heady years of dating.
Do you make an effort to stay attractive for your partner? Have you ever told your partner you don't find them attractive because they've stopped making an effort?
Feel like turning up the dial on your [married] sex life? Click through this gallery for 13 tips that could help you out...
Talk to Him About It - Just Not in the Sack
Trying bringing up the issue - what you’d love to change - just make sure it’s outside the bedroom.
Get Out Of Your Sex-On-A-Schedule Routine
Feel like sex always happens at the exact same time every week? If 9 a.m.
Slow Down, Cowboy
Has a quickie before shut-eye become the norm?
Don’t Like What He’s Doing?
Deal With An Eager Beaver
Do you laugh at song lyrics that boast about making love all night long?
Break Out Of The Missionary Rut
Man-On-Top can get boring pretty quick. Spice up sex by taking turns choosing positions and locations.
Encourage Him To Have Sex More Often
Some men think about sex every 60 seconds, but what about us?
Make Him a Southern Gentleman
A little role playing goes a long way here. You’re the teacher, he’s the student.
Is He Too Tired?
Increase His Passion
On the libido lowdown? Help him turn things around with some amorous adventure.
Give Him An Eyeful
If you want him to be a tiger in the bedroom then give him an eyeful.
Relive the Past to Get Your Mojo Back
Whatever You Do, Just Focus On One Thing At A Time
Don’t attempt a sexual-180 in one night, which will probably leave him suspicious that you’re unhappy with his performance.
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