There’s something about the conversation around being a stay at home mum or returning to work after kids that seems to incite a lot of judgement and opinion.
To tell you the truth, it took me a while to get past caring what other people thought of my choice to stay at home and raise my children. But the great news is I did – and I still don’t care what they think.
It wasn’t a decision that came lightly. The weight of my own worries along with the judgment of others almost crushed me in the early days, but I am way past that point now that my youngest is in year two.
Watch: Things mums never say. Ever. Post continues below.
The difference with my situation now, though, is that I am also a work-from-home mum. And like many other women who spend a certain amount of time at home, the solitude gets you thinking.
Mostly, you’re thinking stuff that revolves around your kids. But there comes a time when you start thinking about you and you alone. Where you think about who you are at the core and what really sets your heart on fire.
I am not only grateful for the valuable time spent with my three children, I’m also thankful that the long periods of isolation forced me to go within and return to my other true love, writing.
How many women who stay at home to raise their kids end up starting their own businesses, becoming their own happy boss and mumpreneur? Or change careers because they realise they hated what they were doing before children? Or commence creative ventures they’d always dreamed of, like photography or painting?
I bear no grudge towards women who return to work for the love of their career or out of necessity. It is a choice that each mother or parent has the right to make, and I hope that everyone makes the choice that suits them and their family best.
One of the most important factors when it comes to staying at home is whether it’s an affordable option, because let’s face it, the financial strain of having children is one of the greatest challenges for the average family – and the more children you have, the bigger the burden.
Listen: The lie working mothers tell. Post continues below.
From baby goods, nappies, prams, car seats and clothing right through to school-related expenses, more clothing and activities – and don’t get me started on the huge cost of childcare.
In my case, we calculated that I would earn approximately $20 per week after childcare and general expenses if I went back to work following my first child. So from a financial perspective the decision was a no-brainer for us.
If being a stay at home mum is a choice you’re considering, here are a few tips and musings that may help along the way.
My first tip is aim to have ample savings. My husband and I are self-employed and we don’t have the advantage of a set wage to manage, so learning to save our pennies has been a must.
Always have enough put aside for emergencies, because things happen and sometimes more often than we anticipate!
I also wholly believe in the saying that ‘the more you earn, the more you spend’. The more you care about keeping up with Jones’, the more it’s likely to cost. In my experience, relinquishing some non-essentials may be of great benefit.
It’s those little cost-saving things, too, that make all the difference. Like creating ‘takeaway’ meals at home – my kids tell everyone their favourite take-away is Lidija’s Kitchen.
Or going on regular weekend day-trips as opposed to long, expensive holidays – no matter where you live there are wonderful places to visit within driving distance.
And if you have more than one child, ask them to choose only one outside school activity per term – this also helps them pick things that really interest them.
I’m all for mums or dads staying at home to raise their kids for whatever period of time suits them because it worked for me and my family. But I would have returned to work should I have wanted or needed to.
Rather than judgement and opinions, which always do more harm than good, the only thing mums should be offering each other is support, ideas and advice.
Feature Image: Supplied.
Lidija Zmisa is a mum of three girls, wife and freelance writer. She has just finished writing her first book for middle grade readers. You can follow her on Instagram @lidijazmisa
Top Comments
Short vacations seem to be much better than long ones, although we do one weeklong vacation/year. Kids only remember the highlights of vacations anyway. Swimming at the beach will be overshadowed by an amusement park if they are in the same vacation.
I think having an emergency fund goes without saying.
Its important to try not to keep up with the joneses because you never will, unless you are super rich and have unlimited time at home. Its hard to see the joneses with all their new cars and material things when you cant afford them. We try to put value into things that are different. We tell our kids, that its nice that the joneses have those things and those things make the joneses happy, but we would rather have these things and these things make us happy. Everyone lives their lives in ways that make them happy. Its like they say, happiness is being grateful for what you already have instead of always wanting more (or what somebody else has-just because somebody else has it).
We have also simplified our lives and gotten rid of so many possessions. Its made our lives so much easier and we didnt even notice the stuff that we got rid of. We kept alot of toys in our basement because our kids are so far apart in age that they will reuse the toys, but other than that, we have very little clutter and it makes us so much happier. We even look to declutter more all the time. Its a constant process of making you feel like you are getting rid of chaos. For birthdays and Christmas, we ask our family to get our kids either experiences (like bowling) or things that are used and then gotten rid of (like a dinosaur dig kit). We also ask our family that "cant help themselves from buying them lots of toys because they love to see their faces" to buy inexpensive/cheap toys so the toys break by the time the kids get bored with them and we dont have to feel bad about getting rid of the toys (and it saves our family lots of money). The kids faces are just as happy seeing a bunch of expensive toys in wrapping paper as they are seeing a bunch of cheap toys in wrapping paper.