Meet the couple who decided not to have children so they could focus on each other.
How far would you go to ensure your relationship remained a happy one?
The stereotypical life-script goes…. meet, fall in love, get married, have kids, raise them, then retire. But an increasing number of couples are choosing to remain child-free for a number of reasons.
Rowena Shrimpton is a 49-year-old British woman who made the decision not to have children for the sake of her marriage. She’s even had two abortions so she wouldn’t end up, “sharing Roger with someone else”.
Rowena met Roger when she was a teenager and knew he was 'the one'. They married at 21 and have now been together for three decades. But Rowena says she just knows that children would come between them. She told the Daily Mail:
Quite simply, we have enjoyed the most wonderful, loving, adventurous life together, while I've watched friends with children struggle to maintain their marriages, not always successfully. Their problems, in my opinion, have been caused by putting their children first and their husbands second.
I can put my hand on my heart and say I have always put Roger first, as he has with me. I believe we owe our long, fulfilling and deeply affectionate marriage to the fact we chose to remain childless.
She first fell pregnant at 21, and then at age 30. Both times the pill failed. She begged her doctor to sterlise her but he refused, urging her to wait until she was older to make such a permanent decision. "He'd flatly refused, insisting I wait until I was 40, as he was convinced I'd change my mind. Now, faced with the prospect of another termination, I reignited my campaign to have a sterilisation."
And while Rowena is happy with her decision not to have kids and has made peace with her two abortions, some suggest that their relationship may already be in jeopardy due to jealously issues. Why does the idea of having to share each other sit so uncomfortably with them?
She writes:
I wasn't prepared to compromise his attention. We enjoyed a fulfilling sex life and both of us were bringing in regular money, enough to buy our own flat. Why would we want to spoil everything by having a baby?
Of course, there were other reasons for my aversion to having a family: I worried that a baby would ruin my figure and I'd lose the interest of my handsome husband, someone I felt was in another league to me when it came to looks.
Isn't it possible that having kids isn't for everyone? Many couples have children, even though they aren't sure they want them. Is this better than making the decision to remain child-free?
There are numerous studies showing couples without children are happier, and then just as many showing that those with families are happier, so perhaps it just comes down to each couple making the decision that is right for them.
Luckily for Rowena, husband Roger agrees with her decision. Rowena says she and Roger are much happier than their friends with children and more financially secure.
My desire not to have children was only strengthened watching our friends start their families. I saw how it changed the dynamic of their relationship: the gentle shared looks, the hand-holding, the desire. All seemed to evaporate the minute the woman had a baby.
Too many times I watched friends turn into tired, irritable lumps, with only half an ear tuned to their husbands, their attention fully taken up with their babies. Not me, I swore. I would never do that to Roger.
Rowena says the only one thought makes her sad, and that is the thought that Roger may die before her, leaving her alone with nobody to care for. But that is a sacrifice she is willing to make for the life they have built together.
Images provided.
What do you think of Rowena's decision? Do you think she made the right choice, or will she regret it later?
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