Meet Michael Ray – a doting single dad and sole carer to his four-year-old daughter, Charlie, whose mother moved interstate two years ago.
From doing his little girl’s hair to taking her to ballet lessons, this dad does it all, and he’s sick of the public’s attitude that there’s something wrong with that.
“The majority of women I encounter are wonderful and so supportive and complimentary but while I’m aware that our family situation is slightly different from the norm, it shouldn’t be seen as anything different to a single mum,” Michael told KidSpot.
The personal trainer, from Melbourne, explained to the publication that while his family situation might not be typical, he and Charlie are wonderfully happy.
That said, he wants mums everywhere to stop saying these unnecessary things.
1. “Are you babysitting today/Is Daddy in charge today?”
"I think this is the most common phrase I get," Michael said. "No, I’m actually parenting!"
The same point was raised by Al Ferguson, from The Dad Network, back in May.
"The modern dad is more active in the family life than they were historically. It's out of date to assume the mum is the primary caregiver," the British writer told the BBC to applause from single dads everywhere.
2. “Who does her hair and nails?”
Despite what some mothers might think, Michael actually does his daughter's hair and nails himself, thanks to some helpful YouTube tutorials.
That includes braids and pretty pigtails with hair accessories, too.
"One time when I dressed her nicely we had at least five women throughout the day give really nice compliments about what a fantastic job 'mummy' had done making her look so pretty."
LISTEN: It's time we stop treating dads like they're stupid. (Post continues...)
3. “How do you manage?”
"The same as every other single parent, I have a fantastic family and amazing friends to help out whenever I need them."
The double-standard society puts onto mums and dads infuriates this dad, too.
"More times than I can count, when I'm with my very young son at the grocery store, a woman, will say, 'Look at you with your child. You're such a good father.' I would think to myself: would they say this to my wife?" a commenter on Reddit wrote.
"No. Because it's commonplace to see women taking care of kids. The bar is set so low for fathers that all I have to do is not be drunk and take my kid to the grocery store to be considered a good father."
4. “Every little girl needs her mum!”
Michael points out that it would be completely unacceptable to say ‘every little boy needs his dad’ to a single mum. t's simply unfair to imply that a dad can't be an effective parent on his own.
Further, it's simply unfair to imply that a dad can't be an effective parent on his own.
The loving father added that his daughter has fantastic female influences around her and that he too loves sitting down to "play barbies" when the chance arises.
5. “You’ll need help when she gets to puberty!”
Despite the awkward stereotype, this is actually quite straightforward, Michael said.
"I’m more than sure if I can manage to read, and have the same wonderful relationship with Charlie we can both help each other through any mutual embarrassment."
Earlier this year, single dad 'Sam' told Mamamia that his daughter hitting puberty was daunting, but something they navigated together with plenty of communication.
WATCH: When dads babysit, why do we insist on calling it "babysitting"? (Post continues...)
"I realised [my daughter] Josie was going to be a young lady soon," Sam said in May. "Her body shape has changed into a young lady and it's so scary! My little baby has started getting reactions in public that I am uncomfortable with!
"[Luckily,] late last year I sat down with her and started the conversation about puberty, periods, boys etc... I have bought a few books, like 'Girl Stuff' by Kaz Cooke, a variety of different pads, a couple of purses with zips and spare undies for her to carry around."
Are you a single dad? Let us know about your experience in the comments, or email submissions@mamamia.com.au
Top Comments
I am the product of my father's parenting (my parents divorced) in the late 70's early 80's when it was quite uncommon to see a man raise 2 boys & 1 girl. - Like the story above I was surrounded by positive family members & friends of the family both male & female, young & old all guiding & teaching us life lessons. We really were raised by a village - My dad did his best but I have no doubt that the positive interaction we shared with our bigger family greatly added to our stability, my point is Michael keep doing exactly what your doing, my dad & I always communicated openly - even at that awkward puberty time and to this day we still do. I am now in a similar situation with my sons who live apart from their dad, we openly discuss male & female issues but I am no male - so happily we are surrounded by positive male figures (uncles & husbands friends) who are further adding to their upbringing that I genetically can't do as much as I'd love to - I will probably be howled down for saying that but it is my story only - my dad still to this day laments I needed my mum when I was younger - I answer - Dad I was lucky I had 10!
I feel somewhat awkward with these situations, purely because I was raised by a single Mum with little to no contact with my father. My grandma was my second parent, living with us and raising us like she did my mother, and other than my uncle by marriage who I rarely saw, I had barely any contact with men who were parenting, single or otherwise. I would never say a father was anything less than a mother though- especially as a single mother myself who hates being judged- and In some ways I do think single dads who take on parenting alone are more impressive than women. The only way I equate that though is that women have all these brilliant hormones that kind of brainwash us into attaching to our children (not all but most), and while we adore them a lot of that comes from our biology. Men don't have that though, it's their love that is the factor. Coming from a woman whose father has no positive feelings towards her, that is important. No neither is better than the other, and coming to the crux of it as long as your child is loved and safe and cared for, who cares who it is, as long as they have someone there to depend on.