By ANONYMOUS
From the moment I receive my wedding invitation in the mail I can’t help but pick fault in it. I know I should have stronger opinions on real issues like the plight of refugees, the Syrian crisis and gender bias in the workforce, but nothing seems to incite more emotion in me than weddings. Except for baby announcements – I can dissect those for hours.
Here are ten things that irritate me about weddings. If you are planning a wedding, there are more don’ts than dos in this list so take note:
1. Predictable, unoriginal and formal wedding invitations. Modern font does little to liven up an invitation that “officially requests the pleasure of your company.” Get original with your words and make it personal. Show a bit of your personality.
2. Highly stylised invitation ‘packages’ with about a dozen inserts. Too many inserts mean too many choices, and usually, too many dollars. You are not that important. And the addition of a love heart postage stamp is just tacky. To think that people pay double price for this?!
3. An inconvenient date. This one is fairly self-explanatory and I know I am not alone in my frustration at this. NO ONE wants to go to a wedding on a long weekend or a weekday. Long weekend are too precious in people’s lives. They may still come to your wedding but they will moan about it amongst their friends. And if you have it on a weekday people will just think you’re a cheapskate.
4. Ecumenical services. Correction. Ecumenical services for couples that have never stepped foot inside a church since they were baptised. A bigger hypocrisy I cannot think of.
5. Too much time in between wedding and reception. The maximum time between I do and I drink should be an hour and this is only if there is a nearby pub conveniently chosen for a post-ceremony drink.
6. Traditional ceremonies with no colour whatsoever. This includes the Father of the bride walking his daughter down the aisle; barely audible “I do’s”, and “love is patient, love it kind”. That is one reading I never want to hear again. Personal vows anyone? Come on, get original.
7. The absence of a single female voice at the reception. I never want to attend another reception where the formal wedding speeches are delivered by Father of the bride, the best man and husband. It is so boring to hear exclusively from men. Ladies, please – use your voices!
8. White wedding dresses. Be daring and dress with some colour and personality. Ivory and ecru don’t classify as ‘different.’
9. Weddings that are not really weddings. “Surprise! We actually got married already. You are not here for the wedding, just a party.” This is not cool. Do it in reverse if you are planning on surprising your guests. No one wants to spend hundreds of dollars on a new dress, a wedding present, babysitters, and accommodation, to turn up to a ‘party.’
10. Throwing of the bouquet. Nothing riles me up more than this inane tradition. Haven’t we come further than this?
And don’t get me started on brides who within a nanosecond of saying, “I do”, update their Facebook status with “I am now officially Mrs. so and so.”
Despite there being a lot I hate about weddings, I still love going to them, which is why I am not brave enough to put my name to this. Even though most of my friends are married already, there’s likely to be a spate of second weddings in the not-too-distant future, and I’d still like to score an invite.
The author of this post is known to Mamamia but has chosen to remain anonymous.
What do you hate about weddings?
Top Comments
Weddings, baby showers, over the top birthdays. I have had enough. From the decorations that are one time use and thrown away, to the food that is always less than delicious. Weddings and the events before and after I refuse to participate in anymore. But here are some helpful hints from those in the pews, aka what guests really think.
Over 35 in a white, poofy , princessey gowns. Brides want to play dress up and some may take a little longer. Traditional bridal gowns are designed with 18-30 year olds in mind. The older you are, the less attractive the gown. If it makes you happy, go ahead. Just know, we are snickering in the pews.
Dresses should match the venue. Strapless in a church is tacky. Trains for outdoor event is a Swiffer mop.
The only people who like a destination wedding, is the bride and groom.
Dual escort for the bride looks like she is being led to the sacrificial alter. Choose one or walk alone.
Insisting you attend everything. Lay off your friends. Engagment party, bridal shower, bachelor/ettes party, wedding, reception, after party, brunch and gift opening. Ugh!
Choreographed dances or other performances. Nice to have entertainment for the cocktail hour while the wedding party is getting photographed. But insisting you sit through the bride and groom's improv show, sweet dance moves, or their kids singing is too much "look at me" time.
I'm at a wedding right now waiting until 5 ms til 1130 and they will end this torture!
Today I hated:
Traditional white dress a pouf princess shocker.
Traditional vows with a twist " let me shop" and "don't mind me pretending to be a handyman" - vomit you traditional gender role couple!
Marriage is between a man and a woman - hello! It's 2015, lets get with the times and sort that shit out or at least renounce it!
Beef or chicken - boring!
Speeches from dad of bride, dad of groom, groom and best man - never a female voice be heard.
The proudest moment as a dad - by not marrying, am I doing my own dad a disservice???? No, but today would have me believe so.
Weddings are shockers and the stupid photo booths and bad dj sets solidify my opinion!