Grandparents – you know we love you.
We cherish your relationships with our kids and we often can’t quite express how much we appreciate your help.
Really. We do.
But.
(You knew there was a but…)
There are some things that we wish you knew.
Some things we wish you would remember. Just a few teeny little rules and hopes we wish you would take to heart. So, in the interests of the motherhood I am going to take one for the team and set it out loud and clear.
All the while hoping that nobody is offended cause you know we love you. Right? And I do need a baby-sitter next weekend…
1. Advice is fine bite the criticism back.
Our parenting styles are sure to be different and I am interested in what you have to say (maybe not the 20th time you say it) but I don’t need your condemnation. I don’t need to be told I am wrong and that you know the right way to do it.
Tell me your way sure. I might try it, but I will probably give it a go my way anyway.
2. Don’t discipline my kids unless you know I am okay with it. Any doubts. Back off.
Unless its explicitly clear that you can don’t discipline my kids. Don’t put them in time out without my permission, don’t take away their toys and never, ever spank them unless you know I am totally okay with it.
You are grandma. Not Mama.
3. If I ask for my baby back don’t take it personally. I just want my baby back.
You will have plenty of time to hold him, but right now I am a new mother and I just want my baby back. It’s not about you.
I just want. My. Baby. Back. Now.
But then, and yes there may be a then, especially if it is baby number two or three and I hand him to you take him - quick.
I am a new mother and an emotional wreck, just follow my lead.
Carefully.
4. Just because your son was interested in something doesn’t mean my son will be too.
They might be father and son but they are not the same person.
This applies to my parents too. Just because I loved hula hooping and eating peanut butter from the jar doesn’t mean they do. If fact my kids hate peanut butter. It makes them gag.
5. Don’t sulk or try and manipulate your child or my children.
If my three-year old doesn’t want to kiss you goodbye or sing your “I love granny song” then deal with it. Don’t take it personally. Kids are kids remember. Sulking and pouting and coo-ing that Granny has hurt feelings just makes you look childish and leaves them confused.
And just like when you were a parent there will come a time when your grand kids don’t want you at every soccer game or assembly. They won’t want me either. We both need to be okay with this.
(But I am allowed to be a little less okay because I am the mum.)
6. Respect my rules.
Despite what you dreamt, despite what you think a grandparents job is not to spoil. A grandparent’s job is not to relax the rules. It’s not okay because, “That’s what grandparents do”.
Just check with me first. I will probably be okay with it. But I might not. My kids my rules. Just as you didn’t want to raise an entitled brat neither do I.
7. Don’t forget to have fun with your grand kids.
Play with the piece of plastic junk you bought them. Push them on the swings. Get down on your hands and knees and do the damn play-doh. Cause truth be told I am exhausted. Please play with them.
WATCH these parents find out they are about to be grandparents. Post continues after video...
8. But back off occasionally too.
There are times it is good to just sit and watch. Times when it’s good to let them be kids with their toys and their friends.
9. Offer to help with the housework sure. But never fold my underwear.
Sweep the floor – wonderful. Wash the dishes – awesome. Drop in a meal – thanks it can go in the freezer.
But when it comes to making the bed I share with my husband or folding the undies I wear in front of my husband, no thanks.
10. You might not see your grand kids as much as your dreamt but it doesn’t mean you aren’t an important part of our family.
Families are complicated.
Try not to be personally slighted if things haven’t worked out exactly how you planned. Maybe you don’t see us every Christmas. Maybe we don’t ask you to baby-sit enough. Maybe we ask you to baby sit too much.
Try talking to me, just because I am constantly complaining how busy and tired I am doesn’t meant I don’t have time to listen.
11. Enrich us with your history.
That’s your role. As well as loving us. Let us learn about you and from you learn who we are.
Teach my children your history – their heritage. Help them taste it and see it. Help them be it.
Because we do love you.
What do you wish grandparents knew?
Top Comments
One thing I've learned as a grandparent: Don't do or say anything unless you're asked. However, I do let my kids know that if they've asked for my thoughts on something to not start critiquing my suggestions. If you don't want the truth about what I think don't ask. I also don't pick favorites among my grandkids and I have six of them, four of which have children of their own. Their other grandmother is critical of all but one; the one that remained in the family's religion. According to their other grandmother (of the same religion) the one that remained in the church can do no wrong while the others are constantly criticized for the life paths they've chosen. I try to let all my grandkids know that no matter what they choose to do with their lives (including religious beliefs) that I stand by their decisions-even when I don't understand them or even agree with them. And while I don't expect my kids to use outdated parenting techniques, I try and remind them that not everything my generation did was rubbish. Case in point, my daughter-in-law came to me complaining that dinner had become a nightmare. She and my son both work full time and don't have time to make three different meals; they will make something for dinner, their daughter wants something else and their son wants something completely different from his sister and the parents. She's tired of having to come home and having the same argument with the kids and having to prepare three different meals. She asked what I thought. I told her that when I was a child, we lived on what my father made-my mother didn't work outside the home. We couldn't afford three different meals so the rule was, eat what was made or go without. My daughter-in-law was absolutely horrified! "How could your mother let you go hungry?!" she yelled. "Someone should have called DCFS on your mother!" I tried to explain that I only refused to eat what was put in front of me one or two times--ever. Going to bed taught me to obey my parents as well as teach me that we don't always get what we want in life. It was weeks before she spoke to me again and my son had to convince her that I wasn't going to starve or abuse her children if she consented to let them visit. The truth is, my mother NEVER starved me, the choice to eat what she made or go to bed hungry was my own. I could have just as easily chosen to eat what was being served. After talking to my son, he asked me not to give any more parenting advice and I promptly told him I wouldn't on the grounds that she never ask me for it again.
Paternal grandparents gave a birthday party for grandson turning 3.
Gave party at beginning of the month when his birthday falls at the end of month & they would be seeing him the weekend after his birthday. He told me Nan & Pa gave him a birthday, I said it wasn't his birthday until end of month. He replied no it's my birthday now. Child is confused.
Paternal grandparents have interim orders in place, they travel monthly to see child. Do not try to get him to sleep comes back on both Saturday and Sunday exhausted. Struggle to get him out of bed for daycare on Monday. Ezcerma breaks out. Allergic to nuts, dairy & eggs. Feed him whatever. Had trial run for sleepover had to return him to his mother most upset still saying he wants to sleepover. Partner & paternal grandparents locked my daughter & 9 month old son out of home. Partner since deceased. Parternal grandmother overbearing, liar, her way or no way, must be in control. Daughter gets stressed at changeovers. I think they are a bad influence and would like some advice to pass onto my daughter. She has never denied them access and was extremely upset when a court order came through.
Any advice would be appreciated.