The 5 Types of Women (and 5 other types they forgot)

By REBECCA SPARROW

Last week, a newspaper ran a story called: “The 5 Types of Women – By A Woman” where journalist Scarlett Russell playfully suggested that – broadly speaking – there are five types of women in the world.

Yep.  You, me, Aung San Suu Kyi, that chick who plays Rhonda in the AAMI ads…..we all pretty much fit into one of 5 categories.

Hmmmm. Possible? Or has someone got 3 BILLION WOMEN confused with The Spice Girls?

I know you’ll be desperate to find out which Spice Girl Type Of Woman you are so let’s find out! According to Russell, the categories (followed by my own personal summary) are as follows:

1. The Girls’ Girl: Likes pink. Claps during re-runs of Friends. Peppers conversation with the word “Sqeee!”

2. The Career Woman: A total hard-ass who eats puppies for breakfast … think Cruella De Ville. Or Julie Bishop.

3. The Domestic Goddess: Part Nigella Lawson, part Mary Poppins.  Has a habit of talking to cartoon bluebirds (could be due to fondness for Xanax )

4. The Drama Queen: Am I the only one imagining Kim Kardashian?

5. The Guy’s Girl: That irritating chick at work who keeps trying to talk to your boyfriend about the cricket.  Rack off, moll.

You can read the full story here.

Would you like some thinking music while you decide which of the above 5 Women you are? [INSERT CYNDI LAUPER SINGING ‘GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN’ HERE]

Now don’t get me wrong. I do love a bit of categorisation and in fairness Russell’s light-hearted piece holds some truth (I think we all know a Domestic Goddess and at least one Drama Queen). But what’s a girl to do when she realises she doesn’t actually fit into any of the 5 ‘female’ categories put forward?

I don’t squeal enough for the Girl’s Girl category.  I’m not ambitious enough to be the Career Woman.  Domestic Goddess is out, clearly.  I’m too tired to do all the fighting required to be labelled  a Drama Queen and cricket gives me the shits, so Guy’s Girl doesn’t work either.

Which leads me to think that writer Scarlett Russell left a few categories out. So along with Girl’s Girl, Career Woman, Domestic Goddess, The Drama Queen and the Guy’s Girl … I think we need to add these bonus five to the list:

6. The Passive Aggressive Smiley Face User: This is the type of women who has a habit of leaving notes in the office fridge like “Whoever owned the spaghetti bologniase that had been sitting in the fridge since May … I threw it – including the Tupperware container – in the bin. Thanks!  :)”   Or  she sends emails like “Hey Dean, you spelt ‘anniversary’ wrong in the newsletter. :)”  Don’t be fooled by that smiley face. This woman is not your friend. She hates you.

7. The Dinner Party Fraud:  This woman hosts amazing dinner parties and pretends to have whipped up those Roasted Cornish Game Hens with Fruit Stuffing herself when in reality she was shoving an entire box of Cadbury Favourites into her pie-hole while watching The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Meanwhile all that dinner party food was being prepared by Chi Chi Frou Frou Catering down the road. Ask her for a recipe and she’ll squirm like Bob Katter at Mardis Gras.

Halle Berry – Lycra Woman

8. The Dishevelled Working Mother Who Is Always Late to Kindy Pick-Up:  Routinely turns up to kindy or school looking like she’s been sleeping in a tree for three days.  If I could insert a photo of myself here, I would.

9. The Never Answers Her Phone Girl Wonder:  This woman loves to talk and yet, interestingly, has been known to shudder when her landline or mobile phone rings.  In her ideal world, she would communicate solely by text message. (Okay, this could also be me ….)

10. Lycra Woman:  This is the woman who wears gym gear all day. Even when she’s not going to the gym. She also has freakishly neat hair which is always worn in a pony tail.  And she’s perky. Even at 8am. She is the natural enemy of no.8 (The Dishevelled Working Mother Who Is Always Late to Kindy Pick-Up)

OK, time to put yourself in a box! Which of these 10 types are you (you can be more than one).  Feel free to add more types to our list in comments!