In the parenting world there are a few sensitive issues that we generally avoid talking about, unless we know the person feels the same as you on the matter. It’s one of those odd social situations where you don’t want to make another person feel uncomfortable, but at the same time, their response could have a serious impact on your decision making.
Trawl your way through any Facebook mothers’ group and you’ll find fiery topics such as circumcision, ear piercing in babies and the inevitable, vaccinations. The very mention of these issues is guaranteed to provoke a reaction in most of us so when it comes to discussing topics like vaccinations among friends, it can be tricky to know how to navigate waters in a respectful manner.
No parent wants to preach to their friends and no-one wants to tell another mother what to do. We’re all just doing our best, right? But at the end of the day, the decision to vaccinate your child not only affects your family but also those around you.
As an eight months' pregnant woman expecting my fourth child, I know all too well how difficult it can be to raise the issue of vaccination with friends - especially understanding how vulnerable newborns are in those early stages before they can be immunised.
As a community I believe we have a duty not only to look after ourselves, but to also look out for those who may be immunocompromised in society, and for that reason all of my children are vaccinated according to the recommended schedule outlined by the National Immunisation Program. While o over 93 percent of five-year-old children in Australia are vaccinated, some geographical areas' coverage is much lower. The Australian Government's latest Department of Health campaign encourages parents to get the facts about immunisation in a clear and uncomplicated way - view their website here.
Because I have seen the devastating effects of preventable diseases in someone I know, I’ve just started talking to my friends about their own child’s immunisation status. It’s not that I would like their child any less if they had different ideas on the matter to me, but I do need to do the right thing by my new baby and make sure that anyone around us is fully immunised before visiting. It’s an awkward discussion to have, but one that is necessary.
I asked a few other mothers how they would approach the issue, and while there is of course the usual heat in some people’s opinions, the answers were interesting.
What I took from the conversations was that the topic of vaccinations can be approached in social circles and can be done respectfully while still achieving the desired outcome. In my case, that's an understanding that I don’t want any unvaccinated children around my newborn baby.
The key is all in the language you use. No matter how you feel on the topic, attacking someone else's beliefs will not get you very far - well, it might but you certainly won’t be able to call that person a ‘friend’ any longer.
Knowing that one of my close friends had made a different decision about her children’s immunisation status to the one I made, I carefully broached the topic on the grounds that my job as a parent is to protect my child and sometimes that means having uncomfortable conversations to ensure they are kept safe.
I started by acknowledging that my friend had differing opinions to me on vaccination and explained that due to this, I was not comfortable with her and the children coming to see my baby until I have ensured they have received the appropriate immunisations to protect them as much as any other member of society.
I could see that my friend was upset and I assured her that it was not a reflection of us but more so of the situation. My beliefs of vaccination are strong and I’ve observed firsthand how awkward this can be when someone close to you has opposing views.
But at the end of the day, my children’s health comes first.
What's the best thing to say to a friend about immunisation for their children? Tell us your thoughts below.
This content was created with thanks to our brand partner the Australian Government Department of Health.
Top Comments
As someone with an autoimmune disease and being on medication that lowers my immune system you better believe that if you don't want to vaccinate your crotchfruit you won't be associating with me. I did not know until I caught whooping cough in 2009 that we needed boosters for it, I'll be getting a booster done in November so I can see 2 babies due around Christmas.
People will continue to scream that it's their right to not to vaccinate their special little snowflake but your rights end when it can impact on others.
Oh just in case you forgot vaccines don't cause autism.
I had this exact situation when my daughter was born 18 years ago (yesterday actually - I'm a mother of an adult!). I found out that a friend from school who was pregnant at the same time was an anti-vaxxer. This was news to me, it really hadn't registered when we were in school although I knew she didn't have the rubella shot when we were in year 8. When I found out that she held such strong views I made the decision that even though our daughters would be the same age until my daughter was fully protected from whooping cough, measles, mumps, rubella, Hep B and polio they just wouldn't spend any time together. Another friend who started her family a couple of years later made the same decision as me. Essentially, I lost a friend and potential playmate for my daughter because I wanted to protect her.
I wouldn't make a different decision today, except I would probably make a bigger effort to educate my former friend about why I was making the decision. I framed my decision as protecting her daughter as well, just in case any of the immunisations 'shed' (even though the risk of that is miniscule) because I didn't want it on my conscience if her daughter became unwell as a result. Now, knowing what I know about the safety, efficacy and importance of the vaccination program I would be far more strident in talking to her and trying to get her to use her brain to protect her children. Sadly, the friendship has dissolved, and I won't have that chance now. I just hope that when she becomes a grandmother she doesn't pass on her dangerous beliefs to her daughter.