A University of Queensland researcher is concerned parents who hold their stillborn children, or bathe them, experience higher rates of depression and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
Dr Kelly Cunningham reviewed studies that had already been conducted, some of which appeared to show parents who held their stillborn children experienced higher levels of anxiety (particularly in subsequent pregnancies) and were reportedly more likely to break up.
While she questioned current guidelines from the Perinatal Society of Australia and New Zealand, Dr Cunningham ultimately agreed parents should not be forced to make a decision about how to cope with their stillborn child:
”There does not appear to be clear evidence of a benefit for parents in holding a stillborn child, so it would seem that the most appropriate approach, given the available evidence, would be to support the parents to make their own choice,” she said.
Emma McLeod, the founder of the Stillbirth Foundation Australia, told Mamamia questioning guidelines that allowed parents choice was ‘antiquated’.
“A lot of these studies have found what we already know,” she said.
“Unfortunately we already know, from the decades before the 1980s, that forcing parents to make one decision or another is wrong. I agree with the guidelines as they are now, that parents should be supported to make the choice that suits them.
“We know some 90 per cent of parents choose to hold their child after it is stillborn, although of course some don’t for cultural or various other reasons.
“I’d say that any parent, whether they held their child or not, would have high levels of stress during their next pregnancy. Right now, I can tell you, I have no regret that I held my daughter.”
Heartfelt is an organisation of photographers who volunteer to photograph parents and their children who were stillborn. Read more about it here. Here is some of that work:
Are you someone, or do you know someone, who had a stillborn son or daughter? Did you or they get to see them, or hold them?
– If you wish to talk to someone about difficult circumstances in your own life, phone Lifeline on 13 11 414.
Top Comments
I didn't hold my son and regretted it terribly until I opened the photography photos last night and I I'm glad I didn't. It's been 8 weeks today....the photos opened last night. They told me my son had died several days before and his body was deteriorating. I don't even think the hospital photos were of him because they put a bonnet on him and covered up what they told me was the most beautiful head of hair they had ever seen. Why would anybody put a bonnet on a boy-we never asked for religious services, the bonnet wasn't in the memory box of his things that they sent home to us.
Nobody ever did ask after he was born if I wanted to see him, if it is him in the pictures, I'm glad I didn't because its not the image one would want in your mind. I would much rather have the ultrasound photos in my mind and the images of my belly rolling around. So...it may help some if your baby has just died, but if it has been gone for a few days...I would suggest no because even though I wonder what he looks like and that hurts....I have an image in my mind of a beautiful little baby (never can see his face), but I know he's beautiful with dark hair in peace. It's what I have to hold onto....the peace that comes with death.
From my experience I know that holding my son Armani helped me.. I put socks on his feet & a tee shirt. I held him for hours he stayed in my room until the night.. I took pictures of him.. Yes I was sad but I just wanted to enjoy him while I had the chance.. The hard part was getting Armani from the morgue the next day.. :-( He was so cold even thru 2 blankets.. I felt better talking to the funeral home people after that I kissed him bye we had a closed casket funeral a few days later so I'm glad I got to enjoy Armani <3