“Am I being unreasonable to wonder why retired parents live in big houses and don’t help family?”
This is the question that user Dojos (whom we assume is a woman based on the forum) asked in a recent Mumsnet thread; a question that was met with some very real responses.
Obviously struggling with her own immediate family finances, the woman said she isn’t “judging”, but couldn’t help but notice that both sets of grandparents have multiple properties, while her own family is “struggling to make ends meet.”
Dojos noted that she understood that "inheritance is a gift, not a right," but still questioned how the senior family members could sleep at night in their large homes with empty rooms, knowing their kids and their grandkids were struggling to fit into less palatial accommodation.
The line of questioning may have simply been an indication of Dojos querying her parents' love for her and their priorities - we all know that family relationships can be complicated. But then she also asks:
"Why do the elderly generation not [downsize] and keep the lifecycle of a family home going?"
The last question seems to be a suggestion that the older generation surrender their home for the good of the younger generation; and that seemed to be the nail in Dojos' coffin, ending any chance of empathy from forum users.
Most people seemed to feel her attitude was very entitled.
SoyDora observed that the senior family members have obviously earned their wealth and deserve their financial security.
Dinosaursandtea is much more direct, and simply asked, "What?! How entitled can you get?!"
Other forums members suggested that perhaps Dojos was feeling a little sorry for herself. StripySocksAndDocs noted that if adult children are renting or own a small home, "it isn't really the worst thing." She continued:
"There's an awful lot of retired parents in small houses; in which they raised their own family."
Some forum users called for Dojos to consider it from the grandparents' perspective, commenting that many senior people find it very difficult emotionally to leave the home they raised their families.
CosntantlyCold said, "Maybe it’s psychological harder to downsize than we all think."
She also joked, "I guess it's like going back to economy once you've flown first class - not that I'd know."
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And then there was one member who gave a real tough love perspective. C0untDucku1a dared to ask the unspoken thought:
"NOT judging the choice but cant help wondering why a struggling couple would continue to have a whole gang of kids."
Much of the thread continued in a similar theme. If Dojos was expecting empathy from other struggling families, she sadly didn't find it on the forum.
If there's one thing we can rely on, it's that the internet will always provide the alternate perspective; and we hope that in this case, it's helped Dojos to come to terms with her "average" life.
Top Comments
The woman does sound entitled. However, as a parent, if I'm in a position to help my children out, I would gladly do it. While I'm still alive, I'd like to see my children happy and comfortable, rather than struggle to make ends meet. Why make them wait till you die to get their hands on your money? When you're dead you don't have a say in what they'd do with your money. Helping them purchase a family home or investment property should be a sensible thing to do if you are in the position to do so
They probably struggled for much of their youth be able to have such a comfortable home and after so much trouble it’s nothjng wrong with them wanting to live comfortably without worrying about money.