One typical way of fighting heteronormativity is to answer the question, “When did you decide you were gay/lesbian/bisexual?” with “When did you decide you were straight?”
It turns the question on its head and gives the straight person a new perspective from which to evaluate their sexual identity.
However, the fact that a straight identity is most often assumed, unless otherwise specified, tells us a lot about the power heteronormativity still holds in our culture. The only identities that are questioned and challenged are non-heterosexual.
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The state of our culture, however, hides a different reality at the psychological level. Research into the development of heterosexual identity in young adults shows that the most secure and happiest heterosexual individuals actually came to adopt this identity through exploration and experimentation.
One particular study by Sally L. Archer and Jeremy A. Gray, published in the journal Identity in January 2009, showed that heterosexual people with the highest sexual satisfaction and happiness were those who had consciously explored their sexuality.
In other words, the most sexually satisfied straight people are those who took the time to explore different sexual identities before settling on heterosexuality. Interesting, right?
How Do We Choose Sexual Identities?
To understand what this study means, we first need to explain a few concepts. The first one is that of identity development.
The usual time for exploring and trying out new identities is the teenage years. We grow into adults and have to find our own identity, separate from that of our parents. That also includes our sexual identity.
Psychologists measure the achievement of identity in many ways. (Identity achievement means the level at which you identify as something). In this study, the Ego Identity Interview was used. This interview divides identity achievement into four categories based on two criteria: commitment and exploration.
- Diffusion. Diffusion means that a person has neither done any exploration, nor have they committed to a certain identity. This is the stage where you basically have no idea what your identity is.
- Foreclosure. Foreclosure is when a person commits to an identity, but without having done any exploration. It means, for example, assuming a heterosexual identity without having ever considered other options.
- Moratorium. This stage happens when someone has explored different options, and plans to commit to one in the near future.
- Identity achievement. People in the identity achievement stage have committed to an identity that feels right to them after having explored different options.
This particular study wanted to answer the following question: does identity achievement predict sexual maturity, positive sexual self-concepts, and effective sexual decision-making?
The answer was yes.
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Why Is Exploration Important?
We can come to a few conclusions about having a healthy sexuality based on this study.
The first: sexual exploration is healthy. The participants who had explored different options for their sexual identity scored the highest on sexual health measures. It means that taking an active part in choosing your own sexual identity is a good way to ensure that you'll have a happy sexual life.
This is where the problem with foreclosure comes to the forefront. Remember: foreclosure means that we've chosen a sexual identity (for example, heterosexuality) without having done any active exploration. In other words, we assume an identity without having tested it for ourselves first. People in the foreclosure stage scored lower on the sexual health measures used by the researchers.
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The study did not look at why some people were in the foreclosure stage. However, common sense tells us it could be one of many reasons: social and family pressure, religious beliefs, worries about status or perception, or simply not having been aware of other possibilities. No matter the reason, the issue remains: those who haven't actively explored their sexuality are more likely to be unhappy in their sex lives.
Another conclusion coming from the study is that there is no difference in gender when it comes to identity achievement and foreclosure. In other words, men and women now are very much the same when it comes to exploration and committing to an identity. Whereas men were more likely to be in foreclosure in the 1960s and '70s, things have changed enough that sexual exploration is as common in men as in women.
This is good news. It means that for men, exploring sexual identities is more acceptable than it used to be. There is much less stigma attached to men trying on and exploring sexual identities; the heterosexual identity is not as widely assumed as it used to be.
The third and last thing I want to note from this study is that sexual exploration leads to better sexual decisions. From the study, "among those who endorsed sexual identity achievement statements were those who demonstrated Sexual Vigilance with regard to sexual decision making. They perceived their coping style as adaptive, weighing the pros and cons of various alternatives, taking the time to find objective solutions." In other words, someone who has come to a decision about their sexual identity through exploration is able to make healthy, well thought out choices when it comes to their sex life.
via iStock.
How Did You Come to Your Sexual Identity?
Personally, I've done my share of exploration and questioning. I called myself "bisexual" late in high school, and even though I've wavered from it a few times, I came back to this identity.
I feel more confident and happy in a sexual identity that I chose rather than one that's been imposed on me by others. Even when I considered myself straight, it was still my call, my choice.
I am currently committed to a bisexual identity. Yet what I am always and most strongly committed to is exploration and questioning. As we change over time, so do our potential identities. I will always be open to shifting mine if I feel it's necessary.
How about you? If you consider yourself straight, how did you come to this conclusion? Are you just assuming this default identity or did it come to you after exploration and consideration?
This article originally appeared on Kinkly and was republished with full permission.
Top Comments
I'm on the fence about this article (ha ha maybe that's the same with sexuality), I think some people absolutely know which side of the line they are sexually speaking so they don't need to explore and also it may even be traumatic for them to sleep with someone they aren't attracted to just for the sake of exploring, also I think exploring your sexuality does not necessarily mean what you have taken it to mean as I've heard people use this expression about them trying different sexual experiences but it could still be within the range of heterosexual experiences. So I think we would need a clearer definition of what people mean by exploring their sexuality before assuming they were all trying gay sex.
But I do understand what you mean about the default straight assumption and how some people may be strait jacketed into this position never allowing themselves to think or explore anything other than heterosexuality because it's not the norm. We are all so brainwashed into being straight that I think some people suppress any non straight thoughts. Not that I think you can completely brainwash people into being straight, particularly if they are 100% gay, but I do think for those who are a bit more fluid it can mean they are suppressing any gay thoughts because they can be satisfied by heterosexual encounters.
For instance I've often thought women are beautiful but thought of myself as straight but it occurred to me that because it's considered normal to be straight I don't even know how much I've repressed those thoughts. I do know I'm attracted to men so I'm defintely not gay, but I have had close female friends who I thought were pretty but didn't allow my mind to go any further with that and for all I know perhaps instead of looking exclusively for Mr Right (who I haven't found as yet) perhaps I could have been equally happy with one of those female friends if both of us had allowed our minds to go there. On the other hand maybe sexual exploration with a friend would have revealed it's not for me (and quite possibly ruined a friendship) but then again maybe I would have been very happy. So I do see your point about we should make straight the default position because perhaps allowing things to be viewed more fluidly would allow people to feel free to explore more and therefore not only find out what suits them best but also not instantly dismiss a same sex relationship.
There is of course always the danger in any sexual exploration (whether it be purely heterosexual or not) that people can get hurt, but in general I think it can be a good thing if it feels the right thing to do and not just because it is trendy, but I feel that society has do sexually repressed us that I know for myself that sometimes I don't even know what feels right is right or if it is just me following a societal script set down for me.
I think it's a tricky thing to navigate, as I think fluidity should be encouraged so we don't strait jacket people into a default straight lifestyle, but on the other hand we don't want people feeling compelled to try a gay experience, or for that matter lots of varying heterosexual experiences if this is not what they want.
I do see your point and I think it's an interesting article.
Wow.
This is not only complete nonsense, it's actually harmful and offensive to people who have struggled with their sexuality.
Having sex with a bunch of different genders is not what defines sexuality or creates it.
For example; I am bisexual. I knew this before I'd ever had sex with anyone. I didn't need to "try it out" beforehand deciding.
Another example; a man realises he's gay. For whatever reason he has sex with a woman at some point. That doesn't make him bisexual, it makes him a gay man who had sex with a woman. Identity is more about attraction than sexual activity.
Yes, sexuality (like gender) can be fluid for some people. For most people they have a pretty solid understanding of their sexuality and identity prior to having sex.