Whether you’re flicking through a magazine at your local supermarket, scrolling through your news feed, or chatting with your friends over dinner, you are no doubt receiving the message loud and clear: Never, ever, have sex on the first date.
It’s a trap, we’re told.
The myth goes that if you sleep with them on the first date, what else is there to give? “Make them wait…” we’re advised, “play the game”.
As women, we’re meant to be the gatekeepers of our sexuality. We’re meant to dangle sex, cheekily, above our love interests head, so they’ll want us more. Words like ‘self-respect’ start creeping in. They need to know our worth.
LISTEN: What is the perfect response to a dick pic? We discuss on Mamamia Out Loud.
Women never ‘want’ sex, of course. We ‘give’ it, like a special little gift.
But I’m here to tell you what deep down you already know: That’s bullshit.
Firstly, the offer of sex is not where your value begins and ends. If a potential partner only wants you for the possibility of sex, then he/she isn’t someone you would want to date long term anyway. Sex on the first date has as much to do with self-respect as my little toe has to do with Kazakhstan. Nothing.
Here are five reasons why you absolutely should have sex on the first date.
1. Because you FEEL LIKE IT.
Ah, yes. This is a very controversial one that needs lots of explaining.
Women sometimes really feel like having sex, because of biological impulses etc. perpetuation of the human species etc. etc. Similarly to how sometimes we feel like chocolate, sometimes we feel like sex, and that is a THING that is absolutely OKAY.
2. Because it doesn't have to be a 'big thing' you endlessly hold out for.
Arbitrary rules about when you can and cannot have sex are not doing us any favours.
You don't have to 'hold out' until date five because you read once that any sex before that means he/she will lose interest. In fact, having sex early is a great test. Which brings me to point number three...
3. It saves time.
Having sex on the first date is, if nothing else, efficient.
If he/she just wants you for the sex, then sleeping with them straight up is a great test. Don't get a call the next day? Sweet. Cross them off the list.
You can also tell whether this is going to evolve romantically, or if you lack a connection.
4. Because you can tell upfront if you're sexually compatible.
You might get along really well and have lots of common interests, but you don't want to 'date' someone who you share no sexual chemistry with.
Sometimes, it's the people you least expect who you are the most sexually compatible with, and sex is a big part of a relationship.
Of course, the sex might not be mind-blowing the first time, but you can most definitely tell if it's worth romantically pursuing.
5. Because sex is fun.
Let me rephrase that: Good sex is lots of fun. Bad sex is not.
If you know what you want, and you feel comfortable and respected, sex can be a great way to spend a Saturday night.
You can listen to the full episode of Mamamia Out Loud, here.
What are your thoughts on sex on the first date?
Top Comments
I do agree with a lot of the points in this article (and I slept with my partner on the first date, although I'd known him a while) but I'm not sure if I'd want to make it a norm or some sort of test to find out quickly if it's good with someone or if they are just in it for sex. While first-meeting sex can be fun I do cringe a bit when I look back. I also dated people a few times before deciding they really weren't people I wanted to keep spending time with - so I'm glad I didn't have sex with them straight away (or at all!). These days I can't believe how many strangers I exchanged germs with (via drunk snogging, not sex) - gross, makes my stomach turn now that I'm "old"! Same goes for sex too when I think about it - I think it's a good thing to keep it a bit more selective and special!
1. Because you feel like it - just because you feel like something doesn't mean it's a good idea or it's good for you. Having chocolate sometimes when you feel like is ok but not always every single time.
2. It doesn't have to be a 'big thing' but it's an aspect of ourselves that we don't share within every relationship and so a little caution is well advised.
3. Yeah. I know you've spoken of self respect but do you have that little for yourself that you're willing to do that for a test? Sex can have much massive consequences/repercussions that just doesn't seem like a legitimate test or reason
4. You might have just lost out on a great friend there. Not every date/interaction needs to be seen as potential relationship vs nothing at all. Being a heterosexual female I have plenty of male friends who bring immense value to my life who likely wouldn't play the roles they do if I was to follow such trivial 'advice'.
5. Good sex, from what I've read, first date/one night stand etc is often not that great, it's better within the context of a relationship. Obviously I wouldn't know because I see sex very differently to the author.
You do you obviously, but it's worth considering there might be truth in what's being refuted. I think in many ways the tables are turning and the good, decent men out there aren't coping with the idea that women are always wanting sex and are finding it hard to find women who are after genuine true relationships. And for the men who do think sex is their absolute right then it's playing straight into their hands and making it more difficult for other women.
So, let me see if I've got this right: we should not have sex on the first date because we might be upsetting men who can't deal with women who want sex more than them, and women who find it difficult to deal with men who want sex a lot? I'm not sure why you think it's of any consequence to anyone else if others decide to bonk their brains out whenever and with whoever they please...!
You have one view of sex, she has another. To me, your view seems very close minded (one night stand sex typically not great? PLEASE! It's fabulous!), and you come across as rude. You are welcome to have your opinion on sex and relationships, but it's not more right or valid than the author's.