At a time when a giraffe named Healthy Harold would teach you stranger danger in a musty old van and Angela Anaconda ruled ABC Kids, school canteens were the wild west of fake cheese, white bread and reconstituted meats.
It was a time before Health Star Ratings, lunchbox shaming and Instagram, and tuck shops were nowhere near the bastion of health they are now.
While many of these school canteen menu items are long gone (which is probably for the best), it’s important we pay tribute to the questionable items we’d consume regularly at recess and lunch.
To be honest, looking at these, it’s amazing we’ve made it to adulthood.
1. Pizza pockets
A slightly crisped pocket with gooey, cheesy tomato innards that had the stretch of mozzarella, without actually tasting cheesy. In retrospect, they're probably not the most nutritious thing we could've had for lunch, but they'll always be a win for nostalgia and comfort.
YUM.
2. White bread
Before multi-grain and whole-grain became the only bread allowed in the school canteen, we spent our childhoods chomping down the sugar-filled, nutritionally-devoid stuff.
White bread sandwiches and rolls were filled with chicken nuggets, gravy glazed pieces of mystery meat and maybe a stray piece of lettuce or tomato for the vitamins and minerals.
3. An actual chip selection
We see your 'air-popped popcorn' and raise you a packet of J.J. Chicken Snacks, BBQ Mammee Noodles or a fun-sized packet of Red Rock Deli Honey Soy Chicken chips.
4. The humble meat pie
Served with tomato sauce from those squeeze-on Masterfood packets, the tuckshop meat pie and its smaller cousin, the party pie, was as much a playground staple as a game of tag.
5. Chicken nuggets
A school canteen staple, we can blame our childhood chicken nuggets for priming our brains to crave McNuggets after a night out.
7. Lasagne in tin squares
An Italian nonna would certainly not approve of this assortment of cheese and tomato sauce, but that's what made it so good.
The real cheese content was probably questionable, but the chewy pasta bits stuck to the side of the foil tin were the best.
8. Eucalyptus drops
An Australian icon akin to the likes of a cup of cold Milo, it was always unclear what the purpose of eucalyptus drops was.
In reality they were probably medicinally devoid, but that didn't matter. You could suck on them, and that's all we wanted.
9. Cadbury furry friends
A portion-controlled bit of Cadbury Dairy Milk with an illustration of an echidna, wombat or possum on the wrapper.
Genius.
10. Two-minute noodle cups
MSG, reconstituted noodles and a sprinkling of dehydrated carrot and shallot (?) flakes for health. These noodle cups were big on flavour and soupy satisfaction... and that's about it.
11. Potato smilies
So much carb-filled goodness, questionable amounts of real potato. Undeniably delightful.
12. Flavoured milk
You were either a strawberry, chocolate or malt milk kid - or a Farmer's Union Iced Coffee if you were a burgeoning hipster.
13. Pizza singles
While pizza pockets were the best way to consume tuck shop pizza, pizza singles were also a lunch order classic. Hawaiian, not meatlovers, was of course the best flavour.
14. Various 'chicken' snacks
So... many... types... of... chicken.
You could choose from 'spicy-ish chicken fillets,' 'chicken goujons', 'chicken and corn rolls' and 'yummy drummies'. The near-translucent, oil-soaked paper bag was non-negotiable.
Sidenote: shout out to Ingham for sponsoring our childhoods.
What were your favourite school canteen lunch and snacks? Tell us in a comment below.
Top Comments
Harold the giraffe still goes to schools. I work with children and one of them told me Harold came to visit and I almost fell off my chair.
Oh man! Burger Man chips, bacon crisps, chocolate buds, mixed lollies, musk sticks, sherbet sticks, and who remembers Banana Surfie milk ice blocks? I so want to go back to my childhood sometimes, even if just for 24 hours.