The Project played a heart-breaking interview with Marco Bulmer-Rizzi tonight.
Marco, whose husband David tragically died in South Australia last week, is devastated.
“David was my everything,” he said. “David was my peace and quiet. The place where I was home.”
In response to Australian same-sex marriage laws which fail to recognise his marriage to David, Marco said he was ‘humiliated’. “It was the biggest slap in my heart.”
For many decisions after David’s death, Marco was forced to defer to David’s father. “I am lucky enough that David and I have what I would call a real family,” he said.
David’s organs have been donated to Australian’s in need. “I just keep going back to the fact that there are other families that are rejoicing, and if all goes well, they won’t have to live in fear,” said Marco.
“To know that his heart is beating, and that their are new memories being forged out of his heart. I am pissed off that they are not my memories.”
But for Georgie Coghlan, the idea that Australia will accept his organs, but we won’t recognise his marriage, is incomprehensible.
Mamamia previously wrote…
South Australian Premier Jay Weatherill has apologised to a British man for laws that denied his marriage and compounded his grief after his husband died on their honeymoon.
Last weekend, in Adelaide on the final stop of his Australian honeymoon, David Bulmer-Rizzi tragically and unexpectedly died.
The 32-year-old British citizen fell down a staircase at a friend’s home and fatally cracked his skull.
His husband, Marco Bulmer-Rizzi, told Buzzfeed News he was in bed when he “heard this awful noise and I turned on the light and he was lying at the bottom of the stairs in a blood bath”.
But dealing with the devastating loss of his new husband, a charity worker, was not the only pain the 38-year-old would bear.
Due to archaic laws, Marco was informed his husband’s death certificate would have ‘never married’ as his marital status, which meant Marco would also be denied ‘next of kin’ status and the rights associated with that.
Not only is same-sex marriage not legal in Australia, but three jurisdictions – South Australia, Western Australia and the Northern Territory – do not recognise same-sex marriages legally performed internationally.
David and Marco married last year after five years together.
All of the decisions Marco made around David’s death had to be approved by Marco’s father-in-law, Nigel Bulmer.
“I was completely overlooked,” Marco said.
“Every single question I was asked – whether or not I wanted David cremated, whether or not I wanted David to have a service, or be washed, even the cost of the coffin they were to use – after I gave my answer David’s father was consulted.
“It was outright discrimination. If I didn’t get on with my in-laws, I don’t know that I would have any rights.”
Marco said he asked whether the marital status section on David’s death certificate could be blank, rather than say ‘never married’, but was told: “No, that’s not one of the drop down options on the computer.”
He said the funeral director continued consulting with Mr Bulmer, despite his insistence that Marco was should be the person to make the decisions.
“The first thing David’s father said to them was, ‘Marco is David’s husband. He is the one [to make these decisions].’ He said they shouldn’t talk to him but they kept doing it.”
Mr Bulmer, 60, told Buzzfeed News: “It’s degrading. It demeans my son’s memory and denies their relationship.
“It’s cast them as second-class citizens. No one should ever have to go through what we’ve gone through. We’re at the bottom and somebody has dug a deeper pit.”
But after the story began to gather steam online, Marco recieved a call from the South Australian premier, who wanted to say sorry, and told him he would work to change the law and issue a new death certificate.
“I thank [Mr Wetherill]. I think it’s amazing. It’s so much further than I ever thought last night when I was wondering what I could do,” he told Fairfax.
“My mind is blown away that the premier of South Australia called to apologise. It’s such an acknowledgment, coming from the top of the state.”
The news came as social media lit up, calling the archaic laws an embarrassment and shame on Australia.
Weatherill said legislation to recognise overseas same-sex marriages would be put before the South Australian parliament by the end of the year.
Several other prominent politicians – including Bill Shorten, Penny Wong and Robert Simms – have used the opportunity to call for marriage equality in Australia.
In the meantime, Marco is focusing on the one good to come out of his ordeal, that David helped save three others by way of organ donation.
“David’s life gave this gift to three other people, three families who are rejoicing,” he said.
“There’s two children who have their daddy, who won’t wake up tomorrow and think about whether or not David was gay.”
He’s also calling for the British government to intervene and issue a death certificate that recognises his marriage.
He said currently, in the eyes of the Australian government, “I’m nothing”.
Top Comments
Wel, this is a big "Hello! from the other side: From our side, the gay side. And from here, this is life. This is what happens because some people want to keep marriage certificates all to themselves. This is because some want to deny others the right to marriage and recognition.
Over decades, I've seen friends dying in hospital unable to see the only person they want in the room, because their homophobic parents refuse to allow in their life-partner, while they themselves , estranged for years, march in, despite not being wanted there.
It's why, a friend of a friend, who'd lived with his de-facto husband, was kicked out of their home, when his partner (for 15years) died. Again, homophobic parents seized the property and evicted their son's life partner, against the written wishes of the deceased. Forget your Will holding up, if your homophobic parents care to challenge.
Why write your preferred list of visitors in hospital, and detail whos to be kept out, if your anti-gay, estranged parents can override your express wish for them to be kept out, when you've written down that they be excluded from decision-making about your care but they step in and veto your choice to donate organs, or override your 'living will' desire for Do Not Resuscitate in certain circumstances;, and then they, or the hospital can exclude the one person you love and trust to make these decisions..
Lately, staff at hospitals seem more inclined to respect same-sex relationships, most are very compassionate, and most will respect your wishes but it's not wise to simplynexpect that..
If the laws remain unjust, as is, this continues.
I'm surprised that people are surprised at the story; for us, its normal. At least their shock helps me realise that not everyone understands what the current laws do to vulnerable people. It almost explains why some straight people don't fight harder for marriage equality, or think it doesn't matter, compared to carbon tax.
It'd be nice to have the luxury of being surprised at this report.
Jarrah I agree those situations are terrible, but my understanding is that those situations are in the past and that defactos (straight or gay) now have the same rights as married couples.
Not trying to start an argument here, this is what a friend told me, she said she had researched it (as she is a defacto in a heterosexual relationship), and she was absolutely insistent that straight and gay defactos nowadays have exactly the same rights as marrieds. I have no idea if she is right, and no one else seems to have the answer.
Confesssion- I was a little angry when I wrote that, it was my first, my 'gut reaction' to the coverage. Things came back, memories of friends and I in the '90s, having to pretend to be straight because it was still legal to evict tenants for being gay. etc
So much has changed for the better since I first 'came out', and it's encouraging that so much progress has been made by everyday people; who simply, by nature, give everyone a fair go. These days, most individuals, groups, and organisations do treat people with equal respect , and their own guidelines are pro-inclusive and anti-discriminatory. The thing is, until legislation passes, and until religious groups also have to comply with the laws, its not as safe as it may appear.
The media has been (justifiably) outraged over this.....and yet the rampant sex attacks that happened against multiple women across Europe was not "newsworthy" and was given minimal media attention?? If you're going to be disgusted by inequality and discrimination, let's apply it to everything....
Are you serious? Those sex attacks have been, and still are being talked about across many various media. Perhaps don't rely solely on tabloid style media for your news sources?
This article is the only time I have seen this story mentioned, and it needs to be talked about as Australia is so far behind when it comes to marriage equality. To treat a legally married couple holidaying here like this is a disgrace and an embarrassment.