Last night I caught up for a drink with a girlfriend, Sally (not her real name), who has recently returned to work for her employer of 11 years, in a part-time capacity, after having her second baby. And now she is questioning her worth.
You see since returning, she has a new boss, new team members, and is the only part-timer in the team. All the work and clients she previously managed are going to a colleague 13 years her junior – because he is not invisible – and her bonus was halved with no explanation as to why, even though the company has just had a booming year. She’s also returned to work earlier than many of the other mums in her mums group.
So if you’ve ever felt judged by your decisions before, it simply doesn’t rate a mention until you return to work after maternity leave.
"I just don't know how you're doing it" is not actually meant as a compliment. Via HBO.
We all need to address outdated stereotypes.
One report released this week found that many working mothers are working 80 hour weeks, when you include unpaid work, compared with the average of 58 hours a week for a CEO.
For as long as women conform to the the 1950s housewife test from parenting peers, while doing their darndest to pretend to their colleagues that they can continue to fit the 'ideal worker' stereotype (the Australian Human Rights Commission defined it as 'a male with no caring responsibilities and able to work 24/7'), then the next Supporting Working Parents prevalence survey, scheduled for 2017, will revert with exactly the same findings as the last:
- 1 in 2 women experiencing discrimination
- 32% of all mothers who were discriminated against at some point went to look for another job or resigned.
- One in five (18%) mothers reported that they were made redundant, restructured, dismissed or their contract was not renewed either during their pregnancy, when they requested or took parental leave or when they returned to work.
- 84% of mothers who experienced discrimination reported a negative impact - including on their health, finances, career and job opportunities - as a result of that discrimination.
- Discrimination has a negative impact on women's engagement in the workforce and their attachment to their workplace.
- Many mothers reported that they resigned as a result of the discrimination or looked for another job.
Watch Ann Sherry, CEO of Carnival Australia, discuss being a mum in the workplace. Post continues after video...
Competent women leave because they have no confidence in their managers.
While Sally attributed her manager's behaviour to "unconscious bias", I'd be more likely to classify it as discrimination. My assessment of Sally is that she is a flight risk, and her employer should be concerned that they are about to see all of that talent, potential and intellectual property walk out the door. And what's more, her employer is unlikely to be given an opportunity to address it, because Sally will probably join the 91% of women who don't report discrimination - there's a risk to calling it out. It's one of those situations where her 'confidence' is not an indicator of competence. But confidence is most certainly one of the underlying reasons why she won't be taking the issue up with her manager - because she has absolutely no confidence in his ability to address the situation.
If only she'd not politely declined the opportunity to manage her career and pregnancy the Grace Papers way (because she thought she knew how to do it second time round)...we take tall poppies and grow and empower them to address situations just like this, so they don't get cut down. And if only her workplace recognised the entrenched norm within its leadership ranks: all the men have stay at home wives, so there is a strong limiting belief within the culture as to whether a working mother can really do what she says she can do.
Watch what Astrid had to say about our programs...
Top Comments
Put your career into maintenance mode for the first few years with your new Bub. You can't do it all at once. Who care is your status at work stagnates for a while?! Enjoy your baby. Control your pressure. Aim to focus on your work more when the Bub is a bit older. My advice from a mum of grown up children.
Firstly, you cannot include unpaid work at home when you are discussing returning to paid work. Everyone does unpaid work outside of paid employment. Parents level may be different but they have made that choice. It is irrelevant to your paid employment.
If you have time off, for whatever reason, on return you may find that your colleagues have changed because others are allowed to change jobs.
All the work and clients she previously managed would have been reassigned when she went on maternity leave. Pretty sure those clients wouldn't be happy just languishing until she returned. The age of the person now handling those clients is irrelevant if they are doing the job well.
If you choose to return to work part-time then your remuneration will be adjusted accordingly. If she had been away on maternnity leave for a portion of the year as well as returning to work part-time then of course that will affect the amount of bonus paid. If someone had 6 months off to recover from an accident or illness would you expect that they be paid the full bonus? One other thing is that a bonus is that it is not an entitlement.
The fact that your friend returned to work earlier than anyone else in her mother's group is irrelevant.
I'm not saying that your friend hasn't been treated badly returning to work however you have included a lot of irrelevant stuff to bring emotion into the equation. Of the relevant information you have given a lot of it has quite logical explanations. I have friends who have been treated dreadfully when returning to work and it is appalling but it does no one any favours if you conflate quite reasonable changes with discrimination.