It’s time we kill off the “primary caregiver”.
Well, not the literal person. But the term. It’s as outdated and divisive as “housewife”.
Marriage is a communal affair. Sure, one person usually spends more time parenting and the other spends more time at work. But the 1960s are long gone. Women are no longer expected to remain at home for multiple years while their partner works. We live in a world full of couples who share parenting, who strive for balance and equality, who tag-team their way through life as if their lives depend on it.
If that’s what you want, then why impose a label that ranks you?
In a healthy relationship, the roles blur and change so rapidly that it’s often difficult to decide who even is the “primary” caregiver. The happiest couples I know say they simply don’t think about labels. That’s probably why their relationships are so successful.
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So let’s eliminate archaic titles and refer to these magic people as – wait for it – parents.
Because that’s what’s happening, right? Parenting. We do whatever it takes to keep the family happy and healthy. Sometimes we work. Sometimes we watch kids. Sometimes we sit on the toilet for 17 minutes longer than we should to check Instagram.
I was a “primary caregiver” myself. I hated the label. I felt it made other people assume I’d take on tasks my partner was fully capable of performing. It’s as if the title, spoken or simply implied, meant I was the only person capable of doing anything child-related. (Hello, 21st-century? Nice to meet you.)
But worse than that, calling myself “primary” made my husband… secondary? Inferior?
Hell no. These are divisions we simply don’t need and shouldn’t stand for.
The word “caregiver” was only invented in the 1960s. “Primary” got added in the 1970s. Let’s make the term extinct in the 2020s, shall we?
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Top Comments
As a working mother, I agree. Let’s ditch the term. By ditching it, we can then expect men to step up more to the parenting role (and care of elderly) and women to stop copping out of the workforce. Our children need to see both doing both and for those who do either poorly, they are letting our younger generations down as role models. If both stepped up, the family law process would also be much less adversarial, with kids immediately spending half their time with each parent. Women’s wage parity would have to improve for things to look entirely 50/50 though.
How, pray tell, will simply ditching a term incite men to "step up"? If I call myself a millionaire, that doesn't mean my bank balance instantly multiplies....
How about you offer up a better alternative before saying we should get rid of the existing one? Because I think "primary caregiver" is an excellent descriptive word that actually doesn't have the sexist connotations of its antecedents. I'm sorry that it doesn't perhaps adequately describe your own particular circumstances, but maybe you should find a term that does, rather than trying to get everyone else to bin this one.