In the best news you will hear today, there’s only two more sleeps until 2016 is finished and we never have to talk about it ever again.
Considering we’re twins, and everyone knows twins are a) magic and b) spooky AF, we know a thing or two about the future.
So here are our 17 predictions for 2017.
1. Trump resigns as President with cryptic Tweet that simply reads: “Lol jks”.
2. In 2016, we saw a return to the 90s. In 2017, it will be all about the 2000s — belly warmers and Supre shirts that read ‘Naughty Gal’.
2016 was definitely the year politics went psycho. (Post continues below.)
3. There was the side boob. Then the side vag. Now it’s all about the side butt hole.
4. People then start contouring their side butt holes because obviously.
5. Jennifer Aniston falls pregnant with Brad Pitt’s baby and women’s magazines have biggest collective orgasm recorded in world history.
6. Man will make joke about women's sport. No one will laugh. Because it's not funny.
7. This year, Vogue stated that boobs are now out of fashion. In 2017, left arms will be declared so 2016 so there will be a significant rise in voluntary amputations. We retrieve our breasts from the back of our wardrobes.
8. Louis Theroux does documentary on Kardashian family. After having peacefully lived with neo-Nazis, scientologists and meth addicts, Theroux can no longer hold his tongue. He lashes out "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?"
9. Amal and George will break up and everyone will yell LOVE IS DEAD and then go back to their day to day lives.
10. Australian economist declares that if young people just earned more while simultaneously spending less then they would be able to buy a house (FFS).
11. Barack and Michelle Obama star as themselves in a biopic.
12. The Emoji Film happens and those two hours are worse than the whole of 2016, combined.
13. A man who owns six properties that span over 11 acres will argue that we have to continue to "turn back the boats" because "WE'RE ALL FULL HERE."
14. Just like Birkenstocks, and the ugly old man sandal, this shoe finally makes a comeback. We are reluctant, but eventually give in.
15. Apple releases new iPhone. Is incompatible with Wifi so must buy special Apple Internet for $400 a month. It also requires bionic eyes, which retail at just $999. COOL!
16. People stop 'living life' in order to 'film it' and just live later.
17. Q&A stage special episode with Pauline Hanson. Fact checker implodes.
Top Comments
Lol, nice. Gave me a smile, maybe some will come true. In the same spirit, here are a couple more:
- mamamia hires a lot of men to achieve their goal of workplace equality.
- Trump resigns on orders from Moscow, Mike Pence replaces him.
- Saudi Arabia stops executing homosexuals and allows women to drive cars, Left calls it racism against Muslims.
- Same sex marriage is legislated, but they screw it up and forget to legislate same sex divorce.
- Sam Newman replaces Triggs and immediately brings an action against the Government for having a Office for the Status of Women, but no Office for the Status of Men. Sights male suicide rates, homelessness rates and the life expectancy gap and wins the case.
- Diabeties Australia, Anti Cancer Council, Heart Foundation and others hold a joint press conference warning of the well documented health danger of obesity. Twitter actually breaks with the outrage over fat shaming.