No wonder I’m tired. It seems that I’ve spent the last two years working in recruitment. I looked around at my closest girlfriends the other day and realised that one third of them are newbies. One third of my closest friends are women I’ve known for less than two years (actually one of them has only been in my life for four months). So it appears that in between writing and paying the bills and doing the groceries and trying to trick Ava into eating something other than vegemite sandwiches, blueberries and fish fingers, I’ve been on some kind of subconscious recruitment drive. At some point I started shopping for friends; collecting women and signing them up to Team Bec.
I find this a little odd. Mostly because I didn’t realise I actually had any positions vacant.
For years I smugly adopted the infamous Jerry Seinfeld approach to new friendships as outlined in the Seinfeld episode, “The Boyfriend”.
“When you’re in your thirties it’s very hard to make a new friend. Whatever the group is that you’ve got now that’s who you’re going with. You’re not interviewing, you’re not looking at any new people, you’re not interested in seeing any applications. They don’t know the places. They don’t know the food. They don’t know the activities. If I meet a guy in a club, in the gym or someplace I’m sure you’re a very nice person you seem to have a lot of potential, but we’re just not hiring right now.”
That was me. Not interested. Not hiring. I couldn’t keep up with the friends I had, the last thing I needed was more people in my life. So what happened? How did I wind up in a situation with so many new friends in my life?
I wised up. And I realised that as much as I love Jerry Seinfeld, he’s wrong. Wrongity wrong wrong.
It’s not new friendships many of us don’t have time for. It’s inauthentic ones.
I’m knee-deep into the last year of my 30s. What I don’t need are more superficial friendships. Connections that aren’t genuine, which are toxic or draining. Friends who want all of the contact time but offer none of the depth. I’m done with that. But I will always have room for more people from my tribe.
To close yourself off from new friends altogether isn’t just arrogant, it’s foolish. An amazing friendship can happen when you least expect it. A great example can be found in my favourite film of 2010 – The King’s Speech. If you didn’t get round to seeing it, it’s the story of the surprising friendship between King George VI of Britain and his Australian speech therapist Lionel Logue. The King’s Speech was the perfect reminder that some friendships are fated and that out of the blue an amazing new friend can come into your life and change how you see the world. And yourself.
So my motto for the rest of 2011? Position vacant.
Do you find that you’re open to new friendships or are you currently not hiring? Have you made an amazing new friendship recently?
Top Comments
Great thoughts!
I think it is a very, very good thing to let go of the idea that you have no more "capacity" for new people. Acknowledging that people are constantly learning lessons and are able to evolve - that in itself opens a lot of doors.
The thing is, when you make friends at later ages, you may potentially meet them at a point in life where they have wised up on a number of areas, have a good idea of who they are, what they like, and what they're comfortable sharing about themselves...
In short, friends you make during adulthood may just be the best version of themselves ever, and you, you lucky thing, might have gotten access to them at a point in their life where connection is easier than years ago, when getting to know each other might have taken years of dodging, twisting and figuring out the hard way.
I love this! I have often quoted Sienfield when saying my address book is full, but I've found the most amazing friendships in the past year, and I wouldn't have changed it for the world!