We go behind the scenes of Married at First sight. Sort of.
Holding out for “The One”?
Just stop. Because they don’t exist.
That’s the opinion of Sabina Read, the psychologist who works on the breakout Channel 9 hit Marriage At First Sight. Mamamia Out Loud spoke to her this week. And when I say Mamamia Out Loud, I actually mean just me. #obsessed.
I had SO many questions. What were the contestants like? How much science went into it? Were there any dickheads on the show? (answer: no):
Read says the idea of ‘the one’ is nothing more than fairytale perpetuated by Hollywood. And it’s time we embraced relationships for what they actually are: complicated, ever changing, and actually often nothing like how they start out.
Talking about what went on behind the scenes of Marriage At First Sight, she says when she was first asked to be part of the show, she said no. “I thought that the idea of arranging someone else’s marriage seemed like a bad idea,” she said. But as she researched it, she realised there was much more to it.
It wasn’t a cheap reality show, it was a vital social experiment. Applicants were trailed for days, months, their lives, hopes, beliefs, values forensically scrutinised. The big questions were delved into. And at the end of the day, it was hopeful people looking for love.
The problem, Read says, is that people typically never ask the questions they should at the beginning of relationships. The way we get together with partners is we’re attracted to something we see. We smooth over the bigger details and we minimise the important stuff.
This show flips that on it’s head. It’s like reverse dating. It matches people for the bigger details and minimises the unimportant stuff like looks and whether or not they pick up the cheque.
Doing on TV is pretty stressful, of course, and I couldn’t help lay out my conspiracy theory about Clare and the infamous Bridezilla “flower scene”:
We talk about the show on the podcast this week, because basically I can’t shut up about it and I wanted to tell Mia Freedman and special guest host, Susan Carland, all about this theory of reverse dating.
We also talked about the Rebel Wilson debacle. Why did we write about her age? For the same reason we’re asking why J-Lo, a 45 year old mother of two, is wearing a naked dress on the red carpet. Because Hollywood demands youth, beauty, and lies. And it’s Mia who nailed it with this exasperated observation “I wish there was a way of women getting attention on the red carpet without being naked”. Yep. Us too.
Here’s the full episode. It’s deep and feminist and fiesty. Not everyone agrees. And it can get uncomfortable. But it will make you think, and it may make you mad, but that’s a good thing. We make no apology for that.
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Did you watch Love at First Sight? What did you think?
Top Comments
So there isn't the "one", how does she know? Being a psychologist doesn't give her authority on the different types of love people feel, plenty of people have told me their partner was the "one" for them, others have a different path to love, they are all valid experiences.
As for "unimportant" things like looks, how do we know they are unimportant? Science still hasn't totally figured out the chemistry of love, so for all we know when someone finds someone else attractive maybe it's their subconscious telling them that person face shape indicates that genetically they would be the perfect match. There has been some studies that suggest genetically compatible people (eg together have the right combination of genes to produce a healthy baby) like each other's smell. Of course for all I know there are studies to dispute all these things too, but the point is just because this lady has a degree doesn't mean she is an expert on the mysteries of love.
As for arranged marriages lasting longer, that may be true but that's because it can be difficult to divorce in those countries or disapproved of, doesn't necessarily mean people are happy, I know of people who have arranged marriages who are miserable but won't divorce because it's not acceptable in their culture.
Haven't seen the show but yeah I'm sure it's very classy!