I was watching my two kids play at an indoor playground when my daughter rushed up to me.
“Mum, that girl in the yellow t-shirt just hit me in the head!”
I looked around. There were a few other mothers nearby, but none of them reacted to what my daughter had yelled out. It didn’t seem like the other girl’s mother was there.
“Maybe it was just an accident?” I suggested.
My daughter didn’t look too badly hurt. She eventually went back to play.
A few minutes later she came rushing up to me again.
“Mum, that girl in the yellow t-shirt just hit me in the head again!”
This time my daughter had a big red mark on her forehead. I took a look at the girl who had hit her. She was solidly built.
“Excuse me,” I said loudly to the other mothers. “Is anyone here the mother of the girl in the yellow t-shirt?”
One of the women sighed, in a “here we go again” way.
“She’s over there,” she said, pointing to a group of women chatting some distance away.
I approached the mother of the girl in the yellow t-shirt, and informed her, politely, that her daughter had hit my daughter, twice.
“Oh,” she said, not sounding shocked or questioning my accusation. “I’ll get her to say sorry.”
Indoor playgrounds. Fun till someone gets hit in the head. Photo via iStock.
I felt relieved. I didn't want a scene. I just wanted an apology for my daughter, to help put things right again in her world. I wanted her to understand that what had just happened was not normal, not acceptable. I didn't want her to think that anytime she went to a playground, someone might walk up to her, hit her and walk off again. Twice.
Despite her mother's encouragement, the girl in the yellow t-shirt didn't apologise.
"Say sorry!" my daughter pleaded, getting upset.
"Well, if you'd just back off, she might do it!" the other woman snapped at my daughter. Then she turned to me and announced, in a voice to end all arguments, "My daughter is autistic."
"Well, so is my daughter," I replied, "and she doesn't like being hit in the head, either."
Yeah, that's right. My daughter is autistic. And that's why I was watching her play in the playground. Because she needs to be watched. Because I watch her, like a hawk, whenever we are out.
My daughter doesn't hit other kids. But she does put herself in danger. She doesn't seem to have the same kind of boundaries as other children her age. She could quite easily run off down the street, without a second thought, because she's interested in a garbage truck. She might be so fascinated by some pebbles that she would sit in the middle of a bicycle path, oblivious to anyone approaching.
When other mums from the school gather at the playground with their kids, they sit around chatting. I'm the mum hovering on the edge of the group, trying to keep track of the conversation, but really focusing on my daughter. If I can't see her, I have to go and find her, because I don't know what she might be doing.
I don't know what they think of me. Probably that I'm overprotective and neurotic.
Even some members of my own family used to mock me for not being able to relax at the park - before my daughter was diagnosed, that is. But I always felt she needed to be watched closely.
It is hard. It is stressful. It is lonely. But that's just the way it is.
It's tough to be on alert all the time at the playground, but it's your duty. Photo via iStock.
If you have a child who is a danger to themselves or other children at the playground, whether they are a two-year-old who bites or a four-year-old who bolts or a six-year-old who hits, you watch them like a hawk. You owe it to your child, and you owe it to other people's children.
If you see the chance to jump in and prevent something bad happening, you do. If your child hits another child, you get them to apologise. If your child is not capable of apologising, you do it yourself: "I'm sorry my daughter hit you. It was wrong, but she's still learning that she's not supposed to hit other people. I hope you're okay."
That's why I was so angry at this other mother. Because I want to be the kind of mum who can catch up with other mums at the playground, have a chat, have a laugh, and not have to worry about what my kids are doing. But I can't do that.
My daughter walked away with a sore head and no apology.
Have you had run-ins with other parents over their children's behaviour at playgrounds?
Top Comments
It used to be that if someone clobbered you in the play ground, especially if it happened more than once, you were told to hit them back. Now, I realise this will draw gasps of absolute horror, but hear me out. A child who hits for no apparent reason, whether it be spectrum-related or just from being aggressive and ill-disciplined, often stops when it becomes deeply unpleasant for them.
My son was getting targeted by a boy who apparently had ''special'' needs a couple of years ago. Apparently I had to have empathy and be supportive. I was, and then I told my son that IF this boy hit him or hurt him again, he could hit back, as hard as possible, ONCE. He did this, the kid hit the floor and had a bleeding nose as a result. Went hysterical obviously, but interestingly *never did it again ever*. Consequences for young kids are best dished out quickly and clearly. Does this mean toddler fight club? No, of course not, it means having common sense and stepping in when needs be and keeping a close eye, but it also means that they learn a real-life consequence really quickly and in short order. It's not fun when someone hits you HARD, is it? It is correlated to you hitting them. Hmm...
I have something to say to all the people who think that adhd and asd are over diagnosed. I had a difficult time in school. I couldnt sit still, i couldnt pay attention to save my life and unless i was truly interested in a subject i couldnt learn. This was before adhd was a thing. I barely graduated high school and had a disasterous experience in a trade school before i became pregnant out of wedlock. By the grace of God, i went to a family doctor who recognized my behaviours and put me through a battery of tests. He diagnosed me as adhd. I was 19 years old. No one else i knew had it. I tried several drugs before i found the one that worked and it was like the world opened up for me. My life became better and better. But i was told by my doctor and a psychologist that adhd isnt an excuse for bad behaviour but it is a reason.
The "over diagnoses" could be adults finally getting the help they need too. While i was getting therapy i met many an adult who was finally diagnosed on the asd and adhd. So perhaps you should truly look at the statistics of who is getting diagnosed before you assume its just kids.
There is a lot of over diagnosis simply because people are looking for excuses for their bad behavior. That has been proven. That does not mean that there are some that are truly adhd.
There are a lot of kids in the school system that have never received proper parenting and as a result display a wide range of characteristics and bad behavior that those parents refuse to acknowledge as an issue they created.
It is interesting that adhd and autism are a major issue in the USA only and not in other countries. The USA does not have a better health system either. In fact they have an extremely poor one that is willing to make quick diagnosis and prescribe medication rather than confront parents about their poor skills of discipline.
Omg i so agree with you. I see it everyday. Kid gets a little out of control and instead of fixing the problem they medicate the child.
This was not the case for me however. My parents tried everything. From tutors to discipline. Nothing worked. When i was diagnosed as an adult it was as if the door to my prison was opened up. No longer was i a "problem child" i had a real issue and through counseling and medication i lead a happier and more productive life.
Parents need to try every other method of fixing the problem before resorting to medications. I am glad my parents tried various methods. Its unfortunate that it was at a time where no one knew about adhd but they dud what they could.