Conversation in the late 20’s/early 30’s age bracket revolves a lot around ‘settling down’.
Some are, some aren’t. Some will. Some would rather squirt a searing hot bottle of breastmilk into their eye rather than sign a mortgage. (I like those ones.)
Either way, our preoccupation with the directionally confusing act of Growing Up and Settling Down is probably because it’s more difficult to master than ever before. Why?
We just can’t afford it.
In this weekend’s Saturday Paper, Clem Bastow wrote about the ‘Argument of broken dreams’.
An argument, in short, played out between the stalwart Baby Boomers and their selfish Gen Y offspring about their propensity to live The Great Australian Dream – that is, find a partner, buy a house, and settle down.
(Or was it buy a partner, find a house, and refuse to settle for anything less than perfect?)
Bastow struck a chord when she systematically unpacked exactly WHY this Great Australian Dream of homeownership is now the Great Australian Anxiety. In one part, she points out that Sydney and Melbourne are the 2nd and 4th least affordable housing markets, globally.
Globally.
Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Pops.
As Bastow laments the ‘death rattle’ of the home owners dream, she touched on a more pervasive and long term issue: if ‘settling down’ means buying a home, and buying a home is too expensive…how are we expected to settle?
Growing up in the white picket fence wonderland of suburban Brisbane in the early 90's, there was never any doubt in my mind what 'adulthood' meant. It meant a husband, children, plastic toys in the backyard, redecorating the living room every few years, and a man called John who mows the lawn on a Tuesday.
The mountainous terrain of adulthood seemed scary for reasons that ended up being so far from the reality: as a kid, I was worried about choosing a nice name for my daughter that also started with 'M', and learning how to drive.
(As an adult, I now realise that the former is the realm of reality television stars - your clue begins with 'K' - and the latter? Well, that still hasn't happened.)
Oh no, the perils of settling down in 2016 are far more difficult to overcome than a reverse park.
And I'm not alone in my fear for leaving my parent's suburban shoes unfilled.
A whole generation of suburban brats have been spat out with champagne tastes on a beer budget. Jennifer Rayer is one, and as she wrote for The Sydney Morning Herald, she's all-too-ready to replace her VB with a glass of Moet.
"By the age of 30, my mum and dad were settled, prosperous parents of three; homeowners, tenured workers tucking away super and long-service leave, and possessors of both everyday and special-occasion cutlery," she writes.
"....I never doubted that my friends and I would lead lives that eclipsed theirs. I assumed we'd continue the golden trend tracing back to the Great Depression, yet another Australian generation to enjoy more wealth and opportunity than our parents did.
In my own 30th year, I doubt it now."
All around me, friends are dropping like flies as they get caught up in the sticky web of mortgages and even stickier fingers of little people who need space, space, space.
Their trendy inner-city warehouse apartments go from being a steal at $500/week, to a veritable death trap of 4th floor windows and non-baby-friendly carpets that may or may not house traces of narcotics.
"It's time to settle down," they gleefully proclaim with a fistful of baby wipes and a car boot of pram attachments. Off they trot to the leafy, tree-lined streets of inner suburbia - still within proximity of decent coffee and a semi-cool wine bar - ready to settle down. Ready and waiting.
And then the reality of the Aussie housing market meets them at the front gate to smile, offer a scone, and politely tell them that they cannot afford it around here. Sorry, darling.
The act of Settling Down is needing an image overhaul as young couples and families struggle to reconcile their great Australian nightmare with what was meant to be the great Australian dream.
"We need to redefine what it means to settle down," wrote Brigid Delaney in The Guardian, "....There’s this and so much about the story of housing in Australia that we need to let go."
In her article, Brigid Delaney also highlights a growing Gen Y despair at their Baby Boomer parents selling up their 32 perches of inner-suburban space, for a smaller perch somewhere groovy. Somewhere groovy with less carpet to vacuum and hopefully no grass to mow. Who's the selfish generation now, huh?
"The reality is that many of us won’t enjoy the standard of housing – and the space – enjoyed by our parents," says Delaney.
"In order to enjoy this standard (even if only temporarily) we need to go “home.” There’s nostalgia for the family home, but there’s also a whole generation of sad cases like myself who live the housing dream through their parents." - The Guardian
Our olds are likely to be the last herd of cattle through the gates in terms of affordable housing. And our slightly pathetic dependance on their own slice of the Bloody Great Australian Dream only reiterates the importance of redefining exactly what that is.
It's not that our generation is opposed to change.
We're cool with trading in a taxi for an Uber, we haven't driven to collect our Chinese takeaway in years, and when we travel? We stay in a stranger's Air Bnb-listed home. And use their cutlery. And wee in their toilet. And it's FINE.
With the world moving faster than ever before, isn't it about time our vision of 'settling down' caught up? The nuclear family structure is shifting and evolving, and careers frog leap from role to role - and city to city - every few years.
Outdated narratives of decades with same company, or redecorating your living room every few years, or having a lawn for someone called John to mow - well, they are no longer relevant.
Like Clem Bastow, I'm up to my eyeballs in this 'argument of broken dreams'. Our generation works longer and harder than ever before, in addition to juggling anxiety-inducing online lives, increasingly expensive social lives, and a love life that probably spent it's incubation in the falsities of a smartphone dating app. Man, shit is HARD.
The last thing we need to push on our already fatigued agenda is trying to figure out how to afford a house.
To again quote Brigid Delaney, "Owning your own home (getting the deposit, making the repayments) is now so stressful and out of reach of most people, it should no longer be used as a marker to say “you are now a proper adult.”
"Our expectations and sense of entitlement about the amount of space we need also has to change."
In an article for The Sydney Morning Herald title, 'Gen Y frets over looming bleak future', Jennifer Rayner specifically outlays the increasing struggles of the younger generations. The average mortgage, she points out, has ballooned from $81,000 in 1985, to $308,000 today. Oh, and without the huge returns enjoyed by homeowners over the past 20 years, because the cost of servicing such massive mortgages will mostly cancel these out.
"All this eats at our mental and emotional health," she adds.
"According to an Australian Bureau of Statistics' Australian health survey, more than 37 per cent of people under 24 and almost 30 per cent of people between 25 and 34 are white-knuckling through their days in moderate to extreme psychological distress.
The Department of Health reckons the prevalence of mental-health issues such as depression and anxiety may be up to three times higher among young Australians than across the community as a whole."
Cripes.
Watch the Mamamia 'Property Complaints Hotline' below. (Post continues after video)
Going against the grain is hard enough. Going against a deeply ingrained national legend of The Great Australian Dream is even harder.
But if we can get used to peeing in a stranger's toilet, then we can surely overcome this, too.
Top Comments
And most people in their 20's and 30's will have more designer labels in their wardrobe than their parents will ever own, eat out at least once a week, often every other day, will travel overseas annually and have no idea about saving. And when its time to get married they will splurge multiple thousands on a diamond that would embarress their parents and spend more on their wedding dress, wedding and honeymoon than their parents paid for their first home. And of course then they will complain they cant afford to buy one themselves.
I never liked anecdotes or generalisations.
As a Millennial who is recently married, I buy clothes from garage sales and the Salvation Army, I purchase very inexpensive food out when I must at about $5/day at worst (as my wife doesn't really cook...), and I've never traveled overseas once in my life. In fact, I haven't even had a vacation within the US once in my life (yes I'm American).
Finally, my wedding ring was a $225 silver ring with a blue topaz stone and her wedding dress was a bridesmaid's dress. We spent less than $2000 on our wedding (including the reception), and after gifts, we made a considerable profit.
I also can never afford a house.
Just like in every generation, there's an enormous amount of variety within ours. Every single parental generation has lamented on the 'sorry state' of their offspring, just like your parents were convinced that your generation would become long-haired stoners living in a commune and bring America to an economic grinding halt. See how right they were!
My parents taught my sister and I from a young age the importance of being able to buy your own home (i.e. not have to wait until we're married/with a partner). They drilled the need for security into us (migrant background, we came here with literally nothing, so they wanted to make the most of our second chance in this amazing country). As soon as I started working at approx age 14, I saved 70% of every pay (in a high interest account), and was able to spend the remaining 30%. I kept doing this right until I turned 21, and at age 22 had enough for a deposit on a modest unit, albeit, 30 mins out of CBD in a bit of a 'rough' area. However, it was a foot in the door, and slowly over time, as I had more money, I self-renovated it (watching 'how to grout tile' videos on youtube!), and 6 years later was able to sell it for a great profit, and invest in buying a property that was closer to what I actually wanted to live in.
My point is, people need to be educated early on about savings, financial security etc, as well as being willing to SELF SACRIFICE - that means no, you can't live inner city straight away if you can't afford it, and maybe you need to get your hands dirty with renovations instead of hiring, as well as the obvious needing to go without expensive clothes, dinners out etc.
The principle of short term pain and sacrifice for long term gain really is dying in our society!
Exactly! I am 36, 4 kids, and gave two houses, one paid off. About 30mins away from city - Melbourne. How hard can it be? It's called hard work peeps.
Bit harsh to say 'how hard can it be.'
Agreed hard work will deliver results, but there are many other factors involved too.