For most of my life I’ve called my parents by their first names – Carmel and Garry.
Admittedly, I started doing it when I was in my tween years, thinking it was a really clever, smart ass thing to do.
It was one of the ways I tried to push the boundaries, and honestly – it backfired. My parents didn’t care if I called them by their first names.
You might think my parent’s disinterest would be enough for me to start calling them mum and dad again, but I’ve stuck with Carmel and Garry to this day.
Truthfully, I think it was around this time when I started to see my parents as humans – as individuals who had their own lives going on outside of parenting me. I was beginning to get to know the real people behind their parenting masks.
Of course, between the ages of 13 to about 17, I mostly hated those people. Because - you know - they were trying to ruin my life by feeding me, putting a roof over my head and trying to teach me stuff about life.
But they were Carmel and Garry - they were their own people - and I started feeling weird about calling them mum and dad.
Even my parents started to refer to each other as Carmel or Garry when they're talking to me, as in, "Garry thinks you should book your car in for a service " and "Do you know why Carmel is peed off at me this time?".
So you can imagine my surprise when I was in my mid 20s and someone told me that calling my parents by the first names was a really rude and disrespectful thing to do. They were horrified, they had never heard of such "inconsiderate behaviour". Years later, I still don't understand this extreme reaction, but I always find it interesting when someone questions why I call my parents by their first names.
It still feels like a bit of a taboo, which is strange.
I think some people might see it as a sign that there's something wrong in our relationship, that I'm trying to distance myself from them. But I have a really good relationship with my parents and I'm definitely still not trying to rebel in my 30s.
Your kids should not be the most important people in your family. Post continues...
Plus calling my parents by their first names is just more practical. If I'm in a crowded department store and I yell out 'Carmel' only one (possibly two) women will turn around, if I yell out 'mum' half the store will turn around.
So if your kids are starting to experiment with calling you by your first name - take it as a good sign. Yes, they're probably trying to push the boundaries a little - but they're also starting to see you as a person outside of being mum or dad. And they're curious about that person, they want to get to know them better.
And they'll only hate you for the next five years or so.
Would you let your kids call you by your first name?
Top Comments
Great article. My parents passed away back in the late 1990s so I almost think of "Mum" and "Dad" as personally irrelevant to me these days, now they are no longer around. My father had the same first name as myself, so he was Dad in order to avoid confusion. I remember on a number occasions my mother heard two people going "what?" when our name was called by her. Drove her round the bend at times, it did.
I think that calling our parents Mum and Dad is our way of getting direct access to our parents by using our own "codename" if you like - it is like a magnet or a master-key which unlocks the communication that no one else has. It is unique to parent.
I am uncle to a lot of nephews and nieces, but nearly all of them just call me by my first name rather than use the Uncle bit before it. It sounds modern and grown up, and I don't really blame them for doing so. We are all people in society.
I don't think that calling parents by their first names isn't quite as disrespectful as if one called them by such names that would be regarded as offensive. Examples that I cannot really give on here.
My father left when I was very young and then told me he didn't want to see me again. In adulthood I only referenced him by his first name as he hadn't earned the title Dad or Daddy (though I assume I called him that when I was little.
In adolescence, my mother told me to call her by her first name as she didn't want to identified as my mother. She even introduced her next husband to me without telling him she had a daughter and he found out that day.
I think tis less about the title and more about the attachment.