While times are changin’, it seems throwing out wedding traditions can cause a bit of a stir.
Just ask this Redditor, ThrowAwayAndPanic, who now faces the prospect of her parents not attending her big day because her partner chose to ignore tradition.
“My partner, 25, proposed last week and I happily said yes,” the anonymous woman wrote. “I could not be happier. I love him and he is going to be an awesome dad someday.
“But the issue is my partner is very new school and my dad is kind of old school.”
Uh. Oh.
While some parents would be A-OK with chucking out old conventions, the Redditor’s dad was “beyond mad” when her partner failed to ask for his blessing before proposing.
LISTEN: Mia Freedman’s biggest wedding regret. (Post continues…)
“My dad said he was willing to hear an apology if my boyfriend formally asked for my hand at a restaurant dinner that my dad will pay for, but my boyfriend won’t budge,” she continued.
“My dad feels like he is being very accommodating. He will bring my boyfriend’s favourite wine to celebrate. But my partner just doesn’t believe in that tradition.
“He thinks the tradition of asking for the woman’s had is repulsive. His point is that he’s met my whole family, and gotten to know them. He says they have always known his intentions and he never made it secret that he was in love with me and wanted to marry me and have children.”
The woman’s boyfriend “feels he was done enough” to gain the family’s approval, and insists the only blessing he needs is her own.
‘But now my dad isn’t speaking to either of us, and staging a family-wide boycott of our wedding.’
Oh deary me.
“Both my mother and father are obviously mad and said that I should be ready for serious consequences. The wedding is set for August 9th, and now I’m worried that nobody in my family will be attending.”
What would you do in this woman’s position? Let us know in the comments below…
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Top Comments
A husband to be who respects his wife to be and doesn't think of her as a commodity to be passed from father to him, hmm we wouldn't want him for son-in-law would we!
The father needs to grow up and be grateful that this guy thinks of his fiancee as an equal.
His refusal to accommodate this one simple thing your father wants speaks of a profound lack of respect for your parents and ultimately you. It won't kill him to go to dinner your father and ask, even though he feels it is antiquated. My husband took my father to lunch to ask for his permission even though he too feels it to be an antiquated tradition, but he had enough respect for my parents and me to ask, because that is what my father expected. And you going ahead with the wedding also shows that you care more about what you want and getting what you want than your family being there. If it really mattered to you that your family be there, you would refuse to go ahead until your fiance just asked. It won't kill him. It all boils down to respect and he has shown he has none for your family.
I think the reverse, the husband to be has shown that he respects his wife by not bowing down to what is quite a sexist tradition. This woman is his equal not some possession to be passed from father to husband!
Having said that I understand I'm not having a go at those husbands to be who did this, I understand that most people just want to try and fit in with their in-laws and just think of it is a tradition. But I say good on this husband to be for thinking it through and sticking to his guns.
What about the respect due to her parents? He isn't asking to buy her, just asking her father if he feels that he as the fiance is worthy of his daughter. Clearly the guy is going to marry her no matter what her parents say and she isn't sticking up for her father at all, so I got to wonder if either of them really care about or respect her family. Yes her father is being childish by boycotting, but frankly so is the fiance. It's not a difficult thing to do and one thing that our generation tends to forget about is our parents were raised in a different era, with different values, they have different expectations. Yes, we do things differently than our parents, but that does not give us the right to disrespect their wishes on a small thing. And that is what this is a small thing, it won't hurt him, and it would make her father happy.