When Australian blogger improvised a nappy change on the grass – like many mothers have had to do, she was shamed by a stranger.
Hall went “very far away” from the ill-equipped restaurant she was dinning in, to find a patch of grass.
“A women approached me and said, ‘I saw you changing your daughter’s nappy, could you please use the change table next time’,” Hall wrote on Instagram.
The 32-year-old blogger explained to the woman that there weren’t any facilities at the restaurant, but the stranger insisted there was a nearby disabled toilet “around the corner”.
The following weekend Hall was with her family at the park.
“Rumi shat…I told Bill that it was his turn, he put Rumi on the grass and changed his bum,” she said.
“A group of women walked passed, one said: ‘Aww good dad!!! That’s what we like to see, get in there’.”
Hall said she thought nothing of the obvious double standard, because she was “used to it”.
“I am used to being scrutinised for jobs that my husband is praised for,” she said.
“I am used to picking the kids up from school to judgmental looks about being late, while Bill is used to a red fucking carpet and a 12 piece band praising him for his heroic appearance at school pick up.”
The standard that women need to reach to be praised for their mothering is akin to performing some kind of small miracle. Although we perform them all the time.
I teamed my toddler’s day nap with my dental appointment the other day. My dentist wasn’t the least bit impressed, despite my attempts to point out the amazing feat – but that’s pretty normal.
Meanwhile, a man just needs to do the basics to get noticed by the masses.
“I am not saying quit the praise. I love seeing Bill get praised for the things he does for our kids,” says Hall.
“He is a good dad, why not celebrate him. But let’s praise each other too, let’s see a women talking on the phone while pushing her pram and think: ‘wow, she chose not to stay at home bidding on eBay smashing straight vodka. She chose to come to the park and be a magnificent mum’.”
But we don’t praise mothers enough.
While pregnant, US stand-up Ali Wong highlighted the double standard in her Netflix special, Baby Cobra.
“I can already see how there’s this crazy double standard in our society of how it takes so little to be considered a great dad, and it also takes so little to be considered a shitty mum,” says Wong.
Actor Chris Hemsworth baked a cake for his daughter’s birthday when his local bakery said they were too busy and news outlets and fans went crazy with praise.
But well-known US blogger Bunmi Laditan posted a different response on Facebook: “Why is it that when a dad does the bare minimum required to parent that’s he’s given a trophy and a parade?”
“All a dad has to do to be hailed as an incredible parent is stick around and take just a smidgen above the mildest of interest in their kid, post about it online, and they’re #DadGoals for the entire universe,” she said.
Would there be any news value in reporting an actress baking a cake? I doubt it.
“Insert name here – bakes cake for daughter’s birthday.”
I think it’s more like: “I got Facebook shamed for my son’s birthday cake. Again.”
The daddy double standards over nappy changes or cake are worth fighting with simple kindness.
Amazing mothers everywhere are running on empty, with little praise for what they do so well. The very least we can do is notice the small miracles they are performing everyday.
“Kindness puts a red carpet under every shitty arse and a 12-piece band at every late school drop off,” Hall says.
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Top Comments
Cannot recommend Ali's video highly enough!!! SERIOUSLY! Tears of laughter, she's a genius!
Great read! Here's the deal (IMHO). Anytime people step way over the line ---- please tell them in person. Be direct, be polite and be informative. i.e. it is not polite to tell mums where to change your baby/where to breastfeed/how to handle tantrums etc. When we speak face to face to people it allows them us to normalise more appropriate treatment of mums. These busy bodies wouldn't appreciate people walking up to them and telling them that they are chewing too loudly or wearing ill-fitting clothing or applying make up incorrectly, so why in the hell is it still considered socially ok to chastise mums????? As far as the disconnect between the way male and female parents are treated, I say, go the same route, when people say something to a mum - ask them if they make the same comments to dads, when they praise up dads for "babysitting" their own kids, let them know - he is a parent - he doesn't get to babysit. As much as people try to be very sweet and inclusive to dads doing parenting duties we are doing them a disservice by making out that they are super special because they undertake duties that women do all the time. From my own personal experience I have seen it happen with my husband and myself.