“Mum groups” are a breeding ground for all kinds of crazy.
Most days I’m so thankful that Facebook groups exist. They serve as a place to come together with a community of people that are going through the same daily struggles as you are. They provide an easily accessible way to commiserate, support, and learn from each other.
Unfortunately, there can be an ugly side to these groups, and “Mum Groups” seem to be a breeding ground for all kinds of crazy. Here are the top ten most annoying things about being a member of a mum group on Facebook.
1. The crazy acronyms.
“Hi, FTM here of an EBF LO. I’m about 3mpp and current doing 6ppd, but want tips to get my supply up. TIA!” I know mums are busy and all, but when I’m forced to Google every other word of your post just to figure out what the hell we’re talking about, I just give up.
2. Spraying haterade all over a post to preempt anyone else from doing it in the comments.
“Hi, I know I’m a dumb first-time mum and I’m a terrible, terrible mother for letting this happen, but my baby got a mild sunburn earlier today and I’m wondering about the best way to treat it. Of course, we’re going to the doctor first thing in the morning, unless everyone thinks I should go to the ER now.
I don’t know, I’m just feeling so guilty about what a terrible mum I am. But thanks in advance for any suggestions on treating sunburns on babies.”
3. “Let me Google that for you” type questions.
We all know how to use the Internet. Please take the time to do a quick Google search before asking if your one-year-old can have aspirin. I also can’t stand it when people ask things like, “Is this place open tomorrow?” How hard is it to go to the actual website to get some basic information. And I can’t leave out the incessant “Does anyone have a coupon for Target?” requests. Just stop.
4. Holier than thou advice.
When you ask for advice about something like getting your kid to sleep, and at least one mum acts as though their solution is the only solution. “You have to nurse them twenty minutes before bedtime, use blackout curtains, and buy this specific sound machine or they’ll never STTN (sleep through the night).”
5. Non-stop solicitation of votes for a baby who’s been entered into an online cutest baby contest.
We all think our babies are the cutest. Don’t make us vote on it.
6. Assuming that the mother is the default parent.
For example, when a mum complains that she and her husband are having a disagreement over something like how to respond to a toddler waking repeatedly during the night. She wants to respond every time and the dad thinks it’s getting ridiculous.
The mum group chimes in saying, “You’re the mama and you’re home with her all day, so you get to decide.” So often in these groups, mums reign supreme and dads are treated like fumbling, overgrown children tagging along for the ride. It really gets the feminist in me all riled up.
7. Trolls who report pictures of breastfeeding mums to Facebook.
They put the group in jeopardy of getting shut down for inappropriate content. It’s so sad that trolls have extended to the mum group world and is the reason for some insanely long and thorough “group rules” that we’re all subjected to in order to even join one of these groups.
8. All the pictures of rashes.
Although, I’m guilty of posting some myself, because like, what IS THIS?!
9. Women who post really dark, complicated marital issues.
“So, I found a bunch of messages on my husband’s phone between him and another women. They were crazy sexual, and I think he’s been cheating on me for years.
I confronted him about it and now he says I have to be in a threesome or he’s leaving me and our three babies. He made it seem like it was all my fault and like I have to do all this sexual stuff I’m not comfortable with. What should I do? Anyone else been in this situation?”
I can barely read this posts without my jaw dropping to the floor, and I sure as hell don’t have any advice for this poor woman. I have to assume that there are groups on Facebook that would be more useful in her situation.
10. Mums who execute a passive-aggressive ALL CAPS exit announcement as a means of getting other women to beg her to stay.
“WELL, I THOUGHT THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SUPPORTIVE GROUP, BUT NOW I SEE PEOPLE FOR WHO THEY REALLY ARE. I’M LEAVING BECAUSE I DON’T NEED THIS NEGATIVITY IN MY LIFE. ALL I EVER WANTED WAS SUPPORT BUT I JUST GOT JUDGMENT. THIS JUST ISN’T THE GROUP I THOUGHT IT WAS. GOODBYE, LADIES.”
By Bryn Palmer for YourTango.
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Top Comments
"6. Assuming that the mother is the default parent.
For example, when a mum complains that she and her husband
are having a disagreement over something like how to respond to a
toddler waking repeatedly during the night. She wants to respond every
time and the dad thinks it’s getting ridiculous."
Wait a minute. I have twice read feminist Child Developmental Psychologists say that not only does a child not need a father but it's better off without one. Geraldine Doogue had a mother and daughter on her Radio National program and the daughter was saying she never needed a father. (although it's difficult to understand since she has never had a father so would not know what having a father is like)
3. Google often brings up multiple conflicting answers. Why not ask a bunch of people who are going through the same stuff on the off chance one of them has asked a doctor/midwife/lactation consultant/chemist the same question?
6. Some daddies are really engaged and involved, a lot aren't. The feminist in you should bemore outraged that so many men don't lift their game enough to change the stereotypes and common assumptions
9. If the group is intended to be a supportive environment, why can't other mums confide and seek support if they clearly feel trust in the group? Why should they find a niche group of strangers to seek marital advice?
3. I think what the author is trying to say here that if it is a question with an obvious answer (e.g. "Is this place open tomorrow?") they really didn't need to post the question. And it always helps to do some advance research; I'm sick of seeing people ask for help when it's clear they haven't bothered to do any work themselves (I don't follow a mother's group but a travel forum, where people are constantly just saying things like, "We want to go to Tokyo for five days. Can someone please provide an itinerary and tell us what travel passes to buy."). Forums are for discussion, not getting other people to do your research for you. Once you have some research, then go to the group to discuss it if there are conflicting answers.