At this time of year TV commercials, made-for-TV-Christmas movies and TV shows can make you feel that if you don’t have a warm, fuzzy relationship with every member of your family then, well, there’s something wrong with you.
But life is not an episode of Packed to the Rafters or The Brady Bunch. We don’t all have Rebecca Gibney for a mother or Mike Brady for a father.
The cold, hard truth is that not everybody is born to great parents or even passably decent parents. Actually some of us are born to rotten parents. Parents who are toxic. Parents who have been, or continue to be, physically or verbally abusive in some way. Or neglectful. Or just plain ol’ absent. The same can be said for siblings.
So today I just want to say there’s nothing wrong with you for not having a great relationship with your dad or mum or siblings. In an ideal world, happy families are best. And if your relationship with your family has soured for a trivial reason – now is as good a time as any to reach out with an olive branch.
But you know what? Some of us are actually better off without certain family members in our lives and that’s the truth. So if your father isn’t from the Hallmark School of Parenting or if your mother makes Naomi Campbell look pleasant – don’t worry. What you’ve been taught is what not to do as a parent yourself and that’s as valuable as any driving lesson.
But what if you have no choice but to see certain “difficult” relatives over the Christmas season?
Psychologist, Jo Lamble, has some tips on how to handle a strained family get together:
1. Set a time limit on the get together – four hours max.
2. Don’t drink too much – drinking alcohol makes you more likely to react when triggered.
3. Get away from the adults for a bit and spend time with the children – even if they’re not your own.
4. Play scientist – make predictions about who will be the most offensive and tally up the scores.
5. Christmas Day is not the day to address the elephant in the room – you might be itching to confront the obvious, but do all you can to resist that
urge.
How do your family Christmases go down? Any advice or anecdotes you care to share?
Top Comments
We did not go to Christmas Eve with "family" this year and probably will not follow tradition again. I do not need to be reminded when a relative is drunk about my mother's suicide 10 years ago or the fact that they did not know what was going on or how to help her. I guess for them, seeing me at Christmas, reminds them that they had lost their sister and feel the need to vent at me!! This does not for a happy christmas make. Now they do not need to feel bad and don't need to dig up some petty reason (as they have been doing) to try to kick me out of the family, as I will make it easy on them by not being around.
We are not moving from our house this xmas, we told everyone months ago and will not be guilted into changing our minds. Tradition be damned, we are starting our own and that means our children are going to be able to wake up, open their presents, have breakfast, jump in the pool for a swim, all without us saying " hurry up we have to get to ..........
Love it Mickie!