My Facebook feed over the past day has read something like “me too… me too… me too”. I would imagine a lot of women have been seeing the same thing.
Alyssa Milano – whose former Charmed co-star, Rose McGowan, has made some of the most powerful accusations against Harvey Weinstein – started the movement yesterday: “If you’ve been sexually harassed or assaulted, write ‘me too’ as a reply to this tweet.”
So far, she’s had more than 50,000 replies. The hashtag has been tweeted more than half a million times. More than six million Facebook users have put it in a status update.
Some women are sharing their stories of harassment and assault. Some are just leaving it at “me too”.
Celebrities are joining in: Lady Gaga, Patricia Arquette, Debra Messing and more.
“Because I was shamed and considered a ‘party girl’ I felt I deserved it,” posted Evan Rachel Wood. “I shouldn’t have been there. I shouldn’t have been ‘bad’ #metoo.”
Is there any woman who’s never been sexually harassed or assaulted? The stories are flooding out. My own seem trivial compared to some of the ones I’ve read, but they’re there, never forgotten, part of my life story.
The man following me around the store when I was in my early teens, rubbing himself up against me. The male co-workers who thought it was a huge joke to try to look down my top. The flasher hiding in the shadows on the way home from the train station one night.
As I read everyone’s stories, I’m filled with sadness. Not only because these experiences are so common, but because men are getting away with it. I’m waiting for the stories that end “but then my slimy supervisor got sacked by his boss for sexually harassing me” or “but then three guys stepped up and told the creep to get lost and he did”. I’m not reading that.
Men’s Facebook feeds must have at least the odd “me too” in there as well. So what do we want from men?
To acknowledge that this is real, this is pervasive, this is a serious issue that needs to be addressed.
To listen. To not tell a woman what she should have done, but try to understand why her reaction might have been to freeze, or do nothing.
To look out for harassment. To not laugh along with harassers. To do what’s in your power to stop them. To be the good one, the strong one.
To not harass. To read women’s stories, and ask yourself if your sexual comments or jokes or advances or touches have constituted harassment.
LISTEN: Mia Freedman, Jessie Stephens and Rachel Corbett discuss Harvey Weinstein (post continues after audio…)
And… this is the hardest one… to question yourself, really deeply, about your sexual encounters. US writer Kate Stayman-London, in a Facebook post, has asked the men in her life to think back on their sexual history – to the times when they were overly insistent, or when their partner was “pretty drunk” or “mostly asleep”.
“I need you to think back to the most uncomfortable moments in your sexual history, and I need you to ask yourself if maybe they were worse than uncomfortable for your partner,” she wrote. “I’m asking you to search your soul and think if any of these encounters might have been sexual assault.”
Hearing all these women say “me too” needs to do more than make us feel sad. It needs to bring about some kind of change.
Want a world where sexual harassment and/or assault aren’t an accepted part of women’s lives? Me too.
If you or someone you know is experiencing sexual or domestic abuse, please contact 1800 RESPECT. If you are in immediate danger, call 000.
Top Comments
You know what the most frustrating thing is? Reading comments from men on the same threads who think we’re all making it up or that “men are just hitting on us”. I didn’t want to write “me too” on my Facebook profile because the only person who knows about what happened to me is my husband. I can imagine there are other women like me who don’t want to speak up. I was 17 when my Maths teacher slid his hands up thighs multiple times during a tutoring session. This man had a fiancé too. I felt so uncomfortable and told him to stop and he just smirked at me and later sent me an inappropriate text message. So revolting.
I have had men try to follow me home, one who swerved dangerously in and out of traffic and almost caused me to have a car accident and was making inappropriate gestures at me through the window for a good 15 minutes. I didn’t even look at him and it took me a few minutes to even realise why he was following me. I was just sitting in traffic driving home from university. I called the Police and reported his number plate for reckless driving but I don’t know if it was ever actioned.
I have other examples but those are two that stand out in my mind. That is not “hitting on someone”. Hitting on someone is introducing themselves to you with a “Hi my name is so and so. I hope you don’t mind me having a chat...etc etc” Not putting your hands on someone or stalking them. I can’t believe that is so hard for some men to understand.