parents

For once, the world's most offensive woman got one thing right.

Deep breath. Here goes.

Something shocking has happened.

I agree with the world’s most offensive woman.

That professional troll, Katie Hopkins, said something this week that I thought was worth considering.

If you’ve never heard of Katie Hopkins, she’s the one who thinks fat people are lazy, poor people are stupid, and that refugees are the horsemen of the apocalypse.

Like this.

Katie, who makes a living espousing deeply offensive ideas, must have been having a slow week. Because she turned her attention to the topic that is most likely to get her headlines with the least amount of effort – Birth.

Sit back and enjoy what Hopkins said on London radio station LBC:

“I certainly feel kind of vindicated by the fact that I have had no pain relief for any of my children and it makes me feel that there is nothing that can hurt so much again. It does make me feel kind of invincible in some ways.

“Toughen up, man up, take it like a man and actually just give birth naturally because it’s fairly simple. All you have to do is push.”

All you have to do is push.

That, my friends, is what we call an understatement.

In case you missed Katie’s delicate point, she’s made it before, writing for Yahoo.com, here:

“I believe those who elect to have a c-section are missing out. Many more elect to have one than wish to admit it. There is guilt in cowardice. If you wimp out of childbirth, you will never experience a pain that makes you invincible.

“I would urge you to resist the temptation of the c-section. If you can handle childbirth, you can handle anything. And you are a truly powerful woman.”

This is where Katie and I became as one. Where I nodded in agreement.

If you can handle childbirth, you can handle anything.

Yes. Yes, yes you can.

I remember feeling like that. After I gave birth to my first child, I felt immortal.

Not immediately, of course, when I felt like a broken shell of a women who couldn’t walk to the bathroom. But later, when the dust and blood and tears had settled, I definitely felt invincible.

Because growing a baby inside your body and having it come out and become a whole separate person is an absolutely, mind-bogglingly awesome thing to do. Awe-inspiring. It’s the kind of stuff that superheroes do – use their incredible magical powers to clone people, and mutate from one into two, and withstand enormous discomfort to do so.

And if I was a superhero, where the fuck was my cape? In those first months of parenthood, as I learned to live without sleep, and to read a tiny person’s mind, and to move around my home silently less I woke the sleeping beast child, I discovered I had superpowers I never knew existed.

And I felt like, now that I had a teeny-tiny person’s survival dependent on my every decision, I would never again get stressed out by grumpy bosses, late buses or cold coffees (I was wrong about that, but still.)

So that’s where I agree with the world’s most offensive woman. Childbirth can make a woman invincible.

But what Katie has got wrong (just one thing among the many, many things that Katie has got wrong) is the idea that what gave me those superpowers was giving birth without drugs.

There is nothing noble in that. There is nothing worthy about that. There is nothing of which to be proud, or ashamed or any spectrum of emotion in between about that.

How you gave birth doesn’t matter one bit. It’s surviving the whole process that makes you invincible, however it ends.

Had an emergency C-section after hours of painful labour? Legend.

Had an epidural, read a magazine and sent text messages until the baby was crowning? Legend.

Chose to have scheduled C because that’s what felt right to you? Legend.

There are many, many ways to give birth. And none of them are ‘better’ or ‘worse’ than any other.

Sure, some may be more risky. Some may be more painful. But none of them are a walk in the park.

And getting to the point where you grew a baby big enough to survive in the world outside you, well, that’s never, ever without sacrifice.

Often, the way your baby enters the world is not your choice. You can start the process with a whole lot of choices, but end up with just one – Keep everyone safe, or not. As the superheroes say, with great power comes great responsibility.

The next time you hear other people, or yourself, put value on the birth experience – whether it’s bragging, apologising or judging – try to remember one important thing: Birth is a means to an end. It is not the main event.

And Katie Hopkins might have given birth without drugs, but let’s face it, she lives the rest of her life as a coward hiding behind speedily flung, ill-advised opinions.

She’s not brave. The woman I know who went through 16 hours of labour and ended in theatre with a C-section that could have ended badly, she’s brave.

Mothers who feel brutalised or traumatised by bad birth experiences but manage to still care for their babies with love, they are brave.

Mothers who are watching over ill or premature babies, willing them to stay in the world. They are brave.

And mothers speaking up about post-natal depression, swimming against our weighty expectation that the early days of motherhood are the most joyful of your life. They are brave.

They are the superheroes.

Katie, give up your cape.

Did giving birth make you feel invincible?


Holly Wainwright is the co-host of Mamamia’s Parenting Podcast, This Glorious Mess. Every week she and Andrew Daddo take a look at parenting as it really is; confusing, exhausting, inspiring and very messy.  You can subscribe on itunes here or listen to episodes on Soundcloud here.


To see Katie in action, watch her take on the late Peaches Geldof on Attachment Parenting.

FOR MORE about childbirth in its many forms:

Kim Kardashian describes childbirth as “The Easiest Thing Ever.”

An intimate look at mothers’ first day with their new babies. 

The truth about C-section mothers. 

The seven couples you will meet at any birth education class. 

Related Stories

Recommended

Top Comments

mjmelb 9 years ago

I've given birth to a 30 week prem, I've also had a boil on my butt! Holy crap, they both hurt but surviving that boil that made me cry everytime I moved for a week probably made me a stronger person, only problem is...you can't brag about making it through with a boil...NO. ONE. WANTS. TO. KNOW. :-)

mummak 9 years ago

Oh my, I feel your pain. I am 13 weeks along, still suffering terrible morning sickness and yes, I too have a boil on my bum. It must have something to do with a buildup of sebum? Anyway, every time I sit or move - the pain! But you are right, know one wants to know lol. Congrats on the bubba BTW.


Kristy Riehs 9 years ago

I like the 'take it like a man' comment. Did anyone else see those two men on the machine that simulated labour pains that was floating around Facebook for a few years?( _Early_ labour pains at that?) they were writhing in pain, so incredibly surprised at it, I don't know- maybe they were expecting a walk in the park?
I'm sure women do not wish to 'take it like a man' or 'man up' because I'd rather 'WOMAN UP' or 'take it like a WOMAN'!!!