By ANONYMOUS
Screw you Kate Middleton. Screw you Kim Kardashian.
You lucky girls are having your babies now. I feel like I’m in the BUPA commercial. You know the one that suggests people ‘find a healthier you?’
You see, I should have been having my baby too. I know it happens to so many women; an unspoken in the first trimester, an end date in sight but never realised.
I lost ‘Joy’ at 11 weeks, hust seven days before that miraculous 12 week scan. After the announcements of Kate and Kim bumps I thought I would be living out my pregnancies alongside them.
But that wasn’t to be.
It took 11 months for Joy to be convinced of joining us; if it took one month longer we would have considered IVF.
She was the much-longed-for second baby that would have completed our family. Yes, we have one babe who is on her way to three. I know that I am incredibly lucky and count my blessings every day.
Even though she was just the size of a lime, Joy wasn’t just a thing. She a person who died.
My grief has bubbled under the surface even when I think it has been addressed.
As baby news, baby bumps and baby arrivals surround me, the sadness that comes with my body taking so long to mourn part of itself is again confronted with not having that baby all over again this week.
I’m desperately pleased for everyone who can have their dreams come true. But when I go AWOL on 24 July it will be because I cannot tell the world that I’m desperate for that child. Wouldn’t it be easier to shout and tell the universe? And not have to look away with tears in eyes when I see reports of a baby called North.
The writer of this post is known to Mamamia, but has chosen to remain anonymous.
This reader has contacted Mamamia so she could receive some support from our community. Do you have any words of advice or support to share?
Top Comments
My baby was also due this month - 28th July. I have been unable to stomach TV at all with all the media coverage of Kate these last few weeks. My sister in law has also just given birth to her beautiful baby girl this week. babies we concieved at almost the same time - her pregnancy continued and ours didn't. It really is so hard to turn on the smiles and offer congratulations... I feel your pain, this being the 3rd miscarriage we have suffered and still remain childless. It is true that you become a mother the day you find out you are pregnant, and the loss is as great. Lets get through this next week together and light a candle for our little ones we will never get to meet.
I feel your pain. I have two and a half year old and have had 3 miscarages and an ectopic. The last miscarage was 4 months ago and two of my friends got pregnant at the same time. I am happy for them but its just so unfair. I want to be buying the new baby clothes and picking out a double pram and telling my son about the new baby. I wanted my son to have a brother or a sister. I have only ever wanted to be a mother and I think I'm a pretty good one. I just want more babies to love. I still grieve for those 4 babies and know all their due dates. It's a terrible grief and a confusing one at times. I never met my babies so I can't picture them but I grieve for the love I didnt get to share with them.