In the nearly six months since I welcomed my first child, I haven’t slept more than five consecutive hours.
Quick trips to the grocery store no longer exist, as any venture out of the house requires no fewer than 20 baby-prepping steps.
And the instances when I vow to dive back into work wholeheartedly end the second I hear my son waking up from his nap.
So, excuse my audible groan upon hearing of Meghann Foye’s call for “meternity leave.”
Foye, the author of the new novel Meternity, defined the term to The New York Post as “a sabbatical-like break that allows women and, to a lesser degree, men to shift their focus to the part of their lives that doesn’t revolve around their jobs.”
Ever wondered how things look for a new born? Science has the answer. Post continues after video.
The crux of her argument is that women without children should be granted time away from the office to “discover” themselves, which is her take on what happens during maternity leave.
Then, upon coming back from meternity time, Foye says all employees should be awarded the kind of work-life benefits she believes mothers have.
“There’s something about saying ‘need to go pick up my child’ as a reason to leave the office on time that has far more gravitas than, say, ‘My best friend just got ghosted by her OkCupid date and needs a margarita,’” she said. “But both sides are valid.”
Foye argues that women without children should be granted time away from the office to “discover” themselves. (Image via Getty Images.)About that. Those theories aren’t just laughable to me — they are downright problematic.
The easiest of Foye’s suggestions to dismiss should be the idea that maternity leave is a time where all women sit around listening for their calling. After my son was born two weeks earlier than expected, I found myself sleep-deprived, in pain, and still facing deadlines I didn’t want to skirt (lest I lose future opportunities with those publications for being that “baby-having flake”).
Instead, I was the baby-having, incoherent producer of some of the most uninspired, grammatically-troubled stories of my life. I barely had the energy to have an original thought, let alone an epiphany about my career.
Two months postpartum, I resumed regular work as a writer with the “stay-at-home mom” title tacked on.
So, yes, my new schedule looks different from those of my peers — out of necessity.
When my child is hungry, there is no option but to feed him. When he wakes up, I have to stop what I’m doing, no matter how bad the timing may be. When I’m on a deadline, precious alone time with my husband reserved for after baby's bedtime is sacrificed for late-night work.
My new schedule looks different from those of my peers — out of necessity. (Image via iStock.)Let's just say I'm not exactly enjoying much of an increase in work/life balance.
Yet, I know I was fortunate to have some pay coming in following my son’s birth.
My husband was also able to apply two weeks of paid vacation plus one week unpaid leave to cover his time at home. In the United States, we’re made to feel like those are luxuries: Just one in 10 privately-employed Americans has access to paid parental leave.
As a result, 70% of fathers take fewer than 10 days paternity leave after the births or adoptions of children.
Worse, a full 30% of employed mothers don’t take any maternity leave at all — usually because they would lose their jobs if they took time off. Even then, there is a steep price with potentially negative health outcomes for both mothers and the children of mothers who return to work so quickly.
With so much progress that still needs — and I mean needs — to be made with parental leave in the United States, Foye needs to take a step back before crying for “meternity leave.”
This story by Emily Glover originally appeared on Ravishly, a feminist news+culture website.
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Top Comments
Do people without children actually think maternity leave is a holiday? I don't have children and certainly don't believe this. New mothers have just created a human life that relies heavily on said mothers for survival in the first few weeks/months. You can't expect someone to have a baby on Friday night and nip back into work Monday morning!
Furthermore, that new baby is going to grow up to be a taxpayer, funding future generations' maternity leave. They'll also fund the pension and healthcare of people with and without children.
Yes, having a child is a choice. But so is not having children. If you have chosen to remain childless, then don't complain that you don't get the associated leave. Are you also going to complain that you don't receive the tax benefits too? Or the family ticket deals at the movies?
Very well said squish :))
As a childless stepmother who has taken a version of 'meternity' (pre-step children), I feel Meghanne Foye has it all wrong.
Yes - childless women of the world, take some time to yourself. Work a few years to be eligible for 'leave without pay' for a year in a profession that offers you a 'return to service'. Maybe that should be the alternate - all full time / part time positions offering both of these things for both men and women? I took 13 months off my career with 'leave without pay', travelled, contemplated my naval, learnt a new hobby or two and generally took some time to 'find myself'. In that time, someone was contracted to replace me, they got a year's worth of experience and paid employment, and it allowed them a foot in the door of our industry. I funded my own year off, came back fresh as a daisy and was less jealous of my peers who were off raising babies and did not have to go to the office everyday.
In regards to the 'need to leave the office early / take a day to care for a sick child / go get a cocktail with a friend' argument, that it was general leave is for in the realm of the child-free. If you do not want to take that, I have always been a believer in a Doona Day / Mental Health Day / Reset Yourself Day once every three months in which to take a day to get your life together. Women with children, men, with or without children, should do this too!
Work places are hard. Keeping a family - blended, childless, a football team full of children - is hard. Don't breed competition between the child - free and those that have chosen to have children. Each have great things to offer their workplaces and each have their own needs. What we don't need is another debate that, yet again, divides and conquers women.