Let it be known, if ever you find yourself watching this season of The Bachelor and hear Matty J utter some variation on the words, “I thought I’d take her…” and talk about some intricately planned date, just know this: you’re buying into a big old lie.
Why’s that, you ask? Well, after three single and two group dates, it’s become apparent Matty J is basically the etsy of the dating world – a place where vintage dates of seasons past go to find new life.
Don’t believe me? Take a look, friends.
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Single date 1: Matty and Elora on a boat.
Boats. Oceans. Endless views of sunsets and possibility. It’s all so meaningful. Or at least it would be if there hadn’t been boat dates on just about every other season before this.
The water trend began all the way back in season one when Tim Robards took Ali Oetjen on a boat in Cairns. It then came around again in season two when Blake Garvey hit the high seas with Sam Frost. And in season three when Sam Wood enjoyed a water pash with Lana Jeavons-Fellows. And in season four when Richie Strahan took to the waves with Rachael Gouvignon early in the season and again with Alex Nation during the final two dates.
During the first season of The Bachelorette, Sam Frost upped the ante, heading to the water not once, but three times, with Sasha Mielczarek, Michael Turnbull and a double date with Davey Lloyd and Tony Strugar. Oh, and there was also that time on season two of The Bachelorette when Georgia Love took MATTY BLOODY J on a boat date.
Single date 2: Matty and Lisa engage in some sports.
Oh ho ho, you thought you were sooo special, didn't you Lisa? Well, spoiler, there's a long history of sports and singles in annals of Bach Land.
Remember when Blake Garvey took Laurina Fleure skydiving? Or when Sam Wood had his own sports team and took the ladies zorbing? Or when Richie Strahan created a roller derby team and dressed them in sumo suits? (Keira definitely remembers that). Or their Tough Mudder date? Or their... not to rehash this, but... zorbing date. Or when Richie and Olena literally played tennis together before eating food and talking about 'the future'.
It's like there's a pattern emerging or something.
Single date 3: Matty and Laura draw each other.
Everyone knows that singletons and art go together like ham and cheese, spaghetti and meatballs and Osher and reality TV lovin'.
Or, maybe they don't which is why Matty J "planned" his third single date around an activity that has been done SO MANY TIMES BEFORE.
Remember how Sam Wood took his harem on an art date? Or how Sam Frost and Sasha Mielczarek had a paint date? So, yeah, cool date Matty. Real original, buddy.
Group date 1: the photo shoot.
UGHHHHHH this honestly just feels boring now because it's so expected.
Richie and Alex on the motorcycle. Blake and his gals dressed as lifeguards. The wedding shoot. The romance cover novel shoot. The shoot, the shoot, the shoot.
Brb, falling asleep. Wake me up when some originality returns to the studio.
Group date 2: a medieval banquet.
Finally, an original group date.
JOKES, this is absolutely not an original date, it was stolen from the last season of The Bachelorette, where Georgia Love was forced to dress as a fair maiden and the bachelors dressed as knights and vied for her love. There was also Richie's group date in which the women dressed as Scots and ate Haggis and tossed hay and... honestly, it's just weird now.
If we must continue this rehashed date trend, can we please have Hamish "baby Rory" Blake back, please? Or the chocolate diarrhoea sex bath?
Top Comments
Did it even cross your mind that it's all planned by the producers? Everything is planned, he just has to go along with it. It's obvious and a little worrying that it took you this long to realise these repeated similarities
Does this even need to be said? The only strange thing in this piece is that the Bachelors from the earlier seasons are being credited with 'planning' the same formulaic dates already being used in the original US version, and presumably created by the show, rather than the gents themselves.