By ROSIE WATERLAND
Welcome to this week’s Open Post, a great little corner of Mamamia where we pretty much throw things over to you and let the conversation flow.
Em Rusciano’s piece about standing by her daughter as she enters ‘the battlefield that is puberty’ definitely had me in sympathetic stitches this week. It’s also had me recalling some of my own puberty blues-esque memories in all their horrific glory.
Like all women, I have a plethora of memories to choose from but the worst would have to be from when I was 13 and I woke up with some very suspicious looking red stuff on my undies. I showed it to my mum, who took care of things and let me take the day off to play Nintendo.
My chubby-cheeked and very boisterous 6-year-old sister then proceeded to tell EVERYONE on the school bus that I was away because “Her undies were all red and our mum said she needs to learn about secret women’s business.”
That. Happened.
I’ve since forgiven her but she’s still going to be the last person I tell when I reach menopause. There are trust issues there…
But just like Em (and most of us I reckon), now I’m out the other side of it I’ve come to find most of my puberty experiences actually make for quite hilarious storytelling. Shame you have to actually go through it first though, isn’t it?
I also started Project Rosie this week, which is basically a way for me to do crazy things that push me out of my comfort zone and then write about them for your amusement – there’s been so many great suggestions so far and if you think of anything I could do please let me know in the comments!
So what’s been going on in your world this week? Seriously – you can talk about ANYTHING! I just talked about my first period so… The door has pretty much been opened.
How’s your week going? What’s on your mind?
Top Comments
My soon to be ex husband moves out next week, after 13 years together. i have been with him my entire adult life. The relationship was hell - he was emotionally abusive alcoholic. It took me so long to find the strength to end it.
And as much as I am relieved that it will be over soon, there is a part of me that feels so sad. Not for the relationship it actually was, but for the relationship I wanted it to be that it wasn't. For all the hopes and dreams I had about our family. For the fact that my kids will be from a broken home, and yes, it is truly broken.
I spend so much time pretending I am strong and tough and that I don't ever want to be in another relationship in my life. But the truth is I am not strong and I desperately want someone to love me, but I don't think it is possible for anyone to love me, so I pretend I don't want it anyway. I have gotten really fat - it was a way to keep my husband away from me - and I can't imagine anyone will ever want me again. Let's face it - no one has ever wanted me before, so why would they now.
Please know that you are strong beyond all words for ending a relationship as toxic as what you are saying. That takes an enormous amount of courage and you and your children will benefit immensely from making such a difficult decision.
Everyone is capable of being loved. Focus on you and your children, become the person that you want to be, the person that was ripped from you all those years ago. It will happen. Believe in yourself. Sending virtual hugs to you in this difficult time xxx
Just so you know, your kids will not care that they are from a broken home. I come from a childhood full of domestic abuse and the last time that my father finally left was one of the best things that happened. They will know why and they will appreciate the courage that you showed to end it.
My mum thought many of the same things that you think right now. It will get better in time.
You are strong. You might not think that you are, but you are. I don't know you but I can already see your strength. Just focus on your children and yourself and whatever gets you through the day at the moment. In time you will see the things about you that I can see.
All the best.
BON I did the same thing 6 months ago and god it is rough. After being with someone your whole adult life you have absolutely no idea who ''ÝOU" are and what you are meant to do. Everything single detail of your life changes in one foul swoop. Everyone will tell you to have fun and find yourself whilst promptly disapproving of what your fun might entail. Your self esteem will be non existant and you will constantly rely on others (usually the wrong people) to validate it. There will be no such thing as plodding along or living life on an even keel. Your moods will no doubt be up and down like a rollercoaster and extreme at best.
However......
You have made the right decision and you'll grow to know it. You'll have no regrets. You may hate life often and be unable to see light at the end of the tunnel but as long as you can live confident and comfortable in that momentuous decision you will be ok.
This may cause some uproar but I would also consider going on anti-depressants. I wish I had earlier - there is just too much going on in your life and your head space for you to possibly maintain a calm state of mind. Even if just for a little while. You can only talk or be counselled so much. Sometimes I thought I was fine because I was dating a 'great' guy or having fun but inside I was constantly one minute away from disaster.
You are not alone. Cliches mean nothing (stay strong for your kids etc etc). Do what you feel is best and cry and cry and cry it out. I wish you all the best and send huge love and support xxx
You reminded me of one of Dr Phil's favourite lines (used to watch it *far* too much a while back!): "Kids would rather be *from* a broken home, than live in one."
Your kids are better off now that you have *all* gotten away from the abusive relationship, as Nikolinka has said. You have already found great strength in ending the relationship. I don't really know what to say, except that I hope things get better for you, and you get to a place where you and the kids are happy, whether or not you end up with a new partner in the future.
Work. Fuck I'm miserable in my job. There has been two years of limbo after a massive reorganisation and I'm tired of the upheavals. I've slowly been pushed into a position I do not want (QA) as I'm simply not a technically minded person. I have no idea about delving deeply into databases and software hunting for bugs.
I've discussed it all with my senior manager and she was positive about moving me into a more project management/tech author role, but because there have been so many changes at the top of the food chain, there are no definitive answers.
Why don't I just change jobs, you ask. Well, I want to so badly. But after five years of no investment in me as an employee, a financial crisis and the shifting mentality in hiring expats in the Netherlands (well, non-native Dutch speakers) my confidence is at rock bottom.
I left work yesterday and cried all the way home. All I could think over and over was Is the edge of a burnout? I know the uncontrollable crying is a sign, as is the feeling of anxiety. I don't feel as though I can contribute anything of value to my team and that I'm a fraud sitting here at my desk, then I feel I have to go home and pretend that everything is peachy.
I know my husband would never in a million years support any decision to just quit - he would make a song and dance about me having a job to go to.
I'm feeling trapped.