In the last few years, Magda Szubanski has established herself as a raw, honest voice in Australia’s media landscape. She’s open about her life and her struggles, and unlike many other personalities on social media, she uses her platform to reveal more than a flattering highlight reel.
Late on Saturday evening, the 55-year-old shared a moving short video that exemplified how so many of us feel when it comes to navigating the complex realities of loving and helping our aging parents.
The video went for just a few short seconds, and pictured Szubanski holding hands with her 91-year-old mother, Margaret.
“Mum and I spend a lot of time like this these days. Just sitting quietly holding hands,” she wrote.
“She’s fading so fast. Good days and bad days. She’s often not sure if I’m her mother or her sister or her daughter.”
It’s a delicate relationship many of us have, or will have, with aging parents, but something we rarely talk about publicly.
Women in particular often take on a caring role, battling guilt, sadness and frustration as they struggle to balance their busy lives with the needs of a loved one who requires increasing support.
Listen to Mia Freedman’s interview with Magda Szubanski on No Filter. Post continues after audio.
“I’m not her full time carer but I do as much as I can,” Szubanski wrote of her role when it comes to her mother, before adding, “…and always fear it’s not enough.”
The actress and comedian struck a cord with hundreds of fans, who offered words of support.
“We can only do what we can. It is a sad and difficult time,” wrote one Instagram user. “Just love her,” wrote another fan, assuring Szubanski, “it’s enough.”
Szubanski has previously praised her mother’s bravery for housing Jews during the Second World War. In April last year, her family received a Courage To Care award for their actions during the Nazi occupation of Poland.
There’s no doubt Margaret Szubanski has lived a truly remarkable life, and while watching your parents deteriorate physically and mentally before you is impossibly difficult, it’s moments like the one Magda captured, that make the process easier.
Top Comments
As full time carer for both of my aging parents - 92 and 90 - with serious medical issues, I am dismayed to read this. Firstly - I do not believe such an article should be written by someone who is not in that position themselves - and the author does not suggest they are. I'd be shocked it someone who is in that position, would write like that.
"...while watching your parents deteriorate physically and mentally before you is impossibly difficult, it’s moments like the one Magda captured, that make the process easier."
That is such a trite untrue comment, 'easier'. 'Easier' for who?!
From my first hand perspective, caring for my parents is the greatest honour. It is harrowing and exhausting at times. It certainly can push you to your own limits, and it is the most rewarding job I have ever had (senior ex corporate; entrepreneurial world).
'Easy' never comes into it. Rather it is about giving my parents the best quality of life I can, and drawing on the incredible medical outpatient support network there is for the elderly here.
I left my home & life of close to 20 years in Sydney, a city (and country) I love, to move to NZ to take care of them. It was and is the right choice for me, because of all they have done for me in my life, simply by being my parents.
For so much of our lives, it's about us, and our parents' focus is on us, loving us unconditionally and helping us learn and navigate life.
Now it is my turn to give them that gift, back to them.
My relationship with both my parents is so much stronger, when I wouldn't say it was when I first took on this role. And through all of the challenging times (7 hospital stays in 2 years, with the last one being 1 month, post a major stroke - all for my father; my mother's dementia is becoming more pronounced), there is so much, that is so good, because of the trust and love we have between us all.
It's all about perspective. I choose to view it as an honour and rewarding, even when at times I can feel I have forfeited my own life and I am bone weary - but both are momentary. And I know my most important life's work (and choice) is to ensure that they have the safest and most comfortable final days on this planet, knowing they are loved and supported, and equally importantly, seen and heard.
All the best, they too are lucky to have you.
Magda xxxx
Just beautiful. The image of you holding hands with your mother is the picture of love.