There is something truly tragic about falling for a person your friend is dating.
Do you tell them, act on it or just hope the feelings go away?
The question of should you or shouldn’t you persue it was brought up on this week’s episode of Mamamia relationship podcast Love Life.
Love Life delves into matters of the heart by allowing callers to leave their problems on our podcast voicemail each week.
Hosts Osher Gunsberg and psychologist Leanne Hall listen to the calls before dishing out some very real, and sometimes hard to hear, advice.
Listen to one of our first callers pour his heart out to Osher and Leanne.
Here’s one of the calls we received this week, from Dave:
“Guys, I’m in love. I’m totally in love.”
“Except, it’s such a cliche, it’s with my best mates ex-girlfriend.
When they were still together, I told her I loved her and she kind of said it back. They were together for five years and have only been broken up for three months.
I want to give her space but I also feel like I want to wife this woman immediately. How long should we wait, do you think, until we can be together? And how do we break the news?”
Leanne was quick to offer some hard advice about what this behaviour said about him as a friend.
“Oh geez mate, how much do you value your friendship? You kind of don’t. I have to say, you’ve told your best mate’s girlfriend while they were together,” she said.
“That’s just disloyal, you don’t go there.”
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Leanne said Dave needed to prepare himself for potentially losing the friendship if he continued his pursuit.
“I think you need to say goodbye to the friendship. If you want a future with this woman, I think you might as well say goodbye to your best mate,” she said.
Osher brought up how the woman’s behaviour might hint at future issues.
“Let’s not forget her as well, now. Do you want to wife someone who is ready to say “I love you” to another man while she’s with the other man,” he said.
Comment below with how you would solve the problem of Dave and his dalliance.
Listen to the whole Love Life podcast to hear the stories of some of our other callers.
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Top Comments
My brother and his wife (who have been together 12 years) started dating after she and his best mate broke up. They were together about 4 years. I don't remember how long my bro and his wife waited, but I think it was less than a year. While at first the friendship suffered, the mate ultimately realised that my bro and his ex were meant for each other. And after a few years, the friendship meanded and all three get along great now.
An old school mate cheated on her bf with his best mate. They ended up getting together and married 6 years later. The friendship between the 2 guys never really got back on track, but my understanding is everyone is very happy in their own lives.
Ultimately you meet people in so many different ways. If you know what you're feeling isn't lust, and it's much deeper than that then you have to look after yourself. If that's laying things on the table so you can have a chance or hopefully move on, then that's what you have to do.
I'm not at all saying cheating on a partner is fine, I'm actually against it, or taking a mates ex makes you a good friend. But I'm also realistic, life happens, you meet people in many different ways.