I was scared watching Johnny Depp rage in his kitchen. Scared for Amber Heard, who was secretly filming as he slammed cupboard doors and stumbled and yelled in the early hours of the morning. Terrified when he discovered the video tape. The situation felt so close to being out of control.
Now their divorce is settled, and the pair have released a joint statement.
“Our relationship was intensely passionate and at times volatile, but always bound by love,” the statement read, according to The Hollywood Reporter.
“Neither party has made false accusations for financial gain. There was never any intent of physical or emotional harm. Amber wishes the best for Johnny in the future. Amber will be donating financial proceeds from the divorce to a charity. There will be no further public statements about this matter.”
Heard has retracted her allegations of domestic abuse – that on May 21 Depp brutalised her. She did this with prejudice, meaning she can never re-file. She also withdrew her request for a restraining order and has settled the divorce out of court for $7 million.
She did all of this, even though she was certainly more scared that I was.
I don’t buy it.
We’ve all seen the video where Heard repeatedly asks Depp:
“I just woke up. This morning you were fine, really sweet. What happened?”
As if something had to “happen” for Depp to behave like that. As if he needed a reason for throwing things around and intimidating his partner of four years. But that’s the catch: men who behave like this don’t need a reason.
Heard's questions of "what happened" is echoed again in the couple's statement. Instead of naming Depp for what he has done the blame is shifted.
There was never any intent of physical or emotional harm. Amber wishes the best for Johnny in the future.
I feel sick.
I am sickened by the fact we, as a public, have been asked to buy this. But, even more so, I am terrified that Heard has had to stomach her fear and her terror with two paragraphs of empty words sent out to the entire world.
Words that ignore the real problem; that Johnny Depp has allegedly abused his wife. That he is, at best, a threatening drunk, at worst, a violent drunk.
Words in a statement that say his behaviour was simply a symptom of a "volatile relationship". A "relationship bound in love".
(As if only true love can be seen through violence and screaming matches. As if out-of-control manipulation is a sign of intense affection. What a dangerous premise.)
Feelings of powerlessness, a constant feeling of fear that something said or done will spark outrage, violence or accusations will stay with someone in a 'volatile' relationship, just like they would stay with a domestic abuse victim.
They are the same thing. Just one description sounds better.
Jealously, or names scrawled by Depp's bloody hand on the bathroom mirror, are not signs of a committed, protective partner.
Slamming doors, and yelling, and throwing phones, and demanding answers to awful, no-answer-is-a-good-answer, dead-end questions, is not the sign of a loving relationship.
These are the actions of a bully.
Confusing violence with passion is dangerous.
How sad that this is the story of too many domestic violence cases. Where it's too difficult, too traumatic, too expensive to fight it further, so the whole 'saga' is wrapped up in a pretty little packet of misleading words and undermining phrases.
Cases where shifting blame is more convenient than telling truths, and courtrooms and reporters make everything feel too much.
Too often these cases end in words like "volatile" and "intense", without any tangible outcome. They're words uttered in the hope the whole thing will go away.
But it doesn't go away.
Heard will have to push deep her own pain, so the public 'volatility' in their relationship might be forgotten. So Depp, and the world, can move on.
Amber wishes the best for Johnny in the future.
Heard is an example of how victims, or survivors, of domestic violence lose again, and again. We didn't call Depp out for what he really is. We continue to shift blame wherever possible. And we wash it all away as an "intensely passionate, sometimes volatile relationship".
When will the person responsible, actually foot the blame?
Top Comments
She had to salvage whatever she could to get on with her life. I don't think anyone was holding their breath that Johnny would of owned anything he did as being wrong. If she had any power in the relationship or separation she could of achieved a statement that doesn't allow him to set the narrative. What could be more humiliating for an abuse victim to have to agree to a "we were both volatile" narrative that follows so many abusive relationship endings.
For those that have been victims of domestic violence or any form of violence my heart goes out to you and you have my moral support.
I have only ever fallen prey to emotional abuse - not nice either - and it took me too long to realize that was what it was and it was the one time threat of violence that caused me to leave for good. We were close friends - so whilst not easy, it was easier than those in love relationships.
I am dismayed that Johnny Depp has been convicted by the author and others in the court of public opinion. It appears very one sided and a lack of balance.
I have not drawn a conclusion either way. I note that there are some video examples of volatile behaviour by Depp.
I also note that he once smashed up a hotel room and other stuff like that.
Certainly not examples of exemplary behavior.
I saw that his partner of 14 years, Vanessa Paradis is prepared to speak for him, and does not recognize the person he is being portrayed as, as do his children.
I also note that when Heard claimed he hurled the iPhone at her and had marks, that the police officers attending and security and some others could not see any proof of it.
I also note that she has been arrested for Domestic Violence against her girlfriend in 2009 and has publicly claimed in the past to have a temper in another stratosphere, and friends have also acknowledged that - all pre this Heard/Depp contention.
The video she recorded was premeditated, was done so secretly and recorded. Therefore she is in the controlling position, and she can script what she says to appear how she wants.
I am aiming to look at it from the ‘helicopter’ perspective, vs just one side of the other. It does appear that they were a volatile match that did not bring out the best in each other.
It does appear that Depp has substance abuse problems - again.
It also appears to me that Heard is manipulative and narcissistic. Let’s also not forget about Honey & Booo boo - she was the one that bought them to Australia, because she felt she had the status to get away with it.
Now the other thing, and why I do buy that they are a volatile mismatch with faults on both sides, is that I have seen for myself in my own life, where one relationship bought out a side of myself I never knew existed.
I am anti violence and am a ‘save insects’ type person. However the dynamics with this partner and how his controlling behavior of ‘his way or the high way’ vs verbal debating that was exhausting, saw me ashamedly be triggered to the point that I once threw a cup of hot tea at him, just to get him to stop nagging me with his opinion. His energy was forceful and exhausting.
There is no excuse for my reaction. I actually burned him on his ankle and a scar remained. I am ashamed of myself for that incidence. I had never gotten to that point of rage before nor after, and I saw that our dynamics also bought out the worst in me and him. We are no longer together - I see us as both good people - just not together.
I think that journalists, who do have power with the keyboard, would do us a greater service if they strove to take a more balanced view of this issue, since nothing has been proven or disproved in court.
I do not think that takes away from those who are the very real victims of domestic abuse or violence in general. They deserve all of our support. I do not think Amber Heard is a good mascot for women who are true victims, as there is too much gray, on both sides, to definitively say she is a victim, or she is not.
My argument would be that if he was innocent he could of pursued her in the courts with the best lawyers and proven his case. Innocent people (with lots of money and access to the best legal minds) don't shy away from clearing their name. None of us were in the relationship but I feel confident that if he was the aggrieved party we would of fought a little to test the evidence.